A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

13 February 2014

Day 13: Incommunicado


The tiny East European nation, Slovenkia, has filed a formal protest against the International Olympic Committee (IOC) after allegedly overhearing several Olympic Committee chairpersons stating "They hoped Slovenkia would not win any gold this Olympics because they didn't want to sit through an extended version of their rendition of 'In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida'."
Slovenkian President, Milton Ilochovyk, filed the protest after learning of the distressing news regarding the playing of their 17-minute long national anthem. Ilochovyk stated the two Slovenkian players also overheard three Olympic Committee members saying that "...they wouldn't want to deal with members of the audience walking out partway through the ceremony nor would they expect the other two medalists to remain on their podiums the entire way through it."  Ilochovyk also contended there was "eye rolling" and "laughter" exchanged between the IOC members.
"While it is the longest national anthem on record, we would, naturally, play it in its entirety." Olympic Committee spokesperson, Cameron Greer, reported.  "We take the games seriously, and as such, will look into this matter, but we feel this is unwarranted...plus, considering the delegation from Slovenkia has three athletes, we feel this is a matter which will not even be an issue."
In an Olympics which has been plagued by controversy, Russia is also steadfastly denying the allegations. "We are, as we speak", a Russian parliament member, who spoke in anonymity, relayed, "scrutinizing the footage captured by the 72 cameras we had installed in the small room where this allegedly took place. We feel certain at least one of them would have captured this considering this allegedly took place in the Men's Room located just off the Grand Ballroom of the [name withheld] Hotel." 

The Republic of Slovenkia recently gained their independence from the Czech Republic in 1995 and this is the first Winter Games in which they are participating.
"In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" is a 17:05 minute song recorded in 1968 by rock group "Iron Butterfly"...the Sovenkian National Anthem, in comparison, clocks in at just shy of 18 minutes and bears no resemblance to the aforementioned tune.

(I just might have to go incommunicado if this one goes viral.  Oh, please, please...let me have one of my silly things go viral.  Maybe not this one...considering I love the Olympics and all...but, something...and in a good way.  Nothing embarrassing or causing injury or death.  Please go to "We Work for Cheese" for today's writing theme, which is "Incommunicado".)


  1. Well they could always play Vanilla Fudge's You Keep Me Hangin' On. It ran only 6:45.

  2. Ah, the many, many hours spent in my friend's basement listening to Iron Butterfly, The Doors and other greats. Of course, there was also an AM version of In-a-gadda-da-vida that only ran three minutes or so, but that was sacrilege. Sadly, that's also the version most often played on "Classic Rock" radio stations. If you're going to call yourself a "Classic Rock" station then play the damned classic rock pieces the way they were classically played! (And also -- Deep Purple wrote more than "Smoke on the Water," The Doors wrote more than "Riders on the Storm," and Steppenwolf wrote more than "Magic Carpet Ride." To hear the classic rock stations you'd think all these groups were one or two hit wonders.)

  3. Are you of all people saying something negative about the Olympics!?!? :D. This was fun to read!!!!

  4. Hee Hee. That was fun.

    The men's room. Yeah, that's about right.

  5. Well, we can't be spending all that time listening to the Slovenkian national anthem, that's for sure! I'm glad they're not winning any medals! (Although, I used to enjoy listening to In-a-gadda-da-vida in its entirely back in the day... I think being stoned may have heightened the allure!)

  6. At least their national anthem isn't 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.

  7. In all honesty, I kind of want Slovenkia to medal in every event now.

  8. Their anthem is really quite nice. I'll have to tune in if they win.

  9. As far as I know I made up the country of Slovenkia. They shouldn't really have an anthem. I just just being silly. :)

  10. 17 minutes? Yikes! In 17 minutes I can make dinner, do the laundry, wash the dishes and fix the whole famine in Africa issue.