A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

15 February 2013

It all boils down to two words, folks:  Or else.

Take for example, today...that asteroid is either going to hit the Earth...or else...it's not.

There's no real other way of looking at things if you think about it.  Everything can be hypothesized into two things.  There's no real third.

Either ghosts are real...or else they aren't.

Aliens?  Exist...or else they don't.

Either I will age gracefully...or else...I won't.

There's no real middle to things.  No great "Oreo" of thinking - two things.  No hidden meaning...no crunchy nougat wedged between...no alternative to the other two alternatives.  It's either one...or else it's the other.

Then there's the "Yeah, or else what?" way of thinking of things...
..."You better do what I tell you or else."

Really?  Or else what?  Or else I won't?

C'mon.  We grew up learning that one as kids...usually there was no "or else"...or else...there was.  Yet, we used the same pseudo-threats on our own kids.  But, I know what some of you are going to say.  You're going to say that YOU didn't.  Which further proves my point...the point of "or else".  Either you used that tactic on your own kids...or else you didn't.  See?  It's an endless loop based on two possibilities.

There's no "Door Number Three" in life.  There's no coin landing on its edge like in that "Twilight Zone" episode...it either lands on "heads"...or else it lands on "tails".

And either this blog makes perfect sense...or else it won't.

And, regardless, it doesn't much matter in the grand scheme of things, as I'm either going to wake up in the morning...or else...I won't -- just like everyone else.

I wrote this blog before I toddled off to bed only to find out that Russia got impacted by a meteor flying past a few hours ago.  Not fun...so I hope no one else gets hurt today.  I'm not going to change my blog now...but...sheesh...what a way to start a morning (and my blog).  You can read the story here (if you haven't already):  CNN

And, if you haven't yet...go on over to "We Work for Cheese" to read everyone's interpretation of today's "Or else" prompt.  

Stay safe everyone.


  1. I think the exception is when a women is shopping. "I like this pair of shoes. Or else I could buy these ones, or else I could buy those ones. Or else I could buy them all!"

  2. I like this, Mariann. People are always talking about how everything is not black or white, that there are so many shades of grey in between. I think you've made an interesting arguement against that.

  3. Once you said "Oreo" I had a hard time focusing. Either I'll eat the bag of Oreos or else I won't. If I eat just one Oreo I'm dead because I never stop after one.

  4. Thank you, Nicky. There are no more than yes or no...there are no maybe's in life. No shades of grey...the burden of one has to tip the scales in favour of another. It has to.

  5. Your hearing has gone from worse to or else. It was "meat eaters" that attacked Russia. It's the start of the zombiepocolypskavich.

  6. Oh, I am going to get to comment on everyone's blogs I missed reading the last couple days. I know they are late comments...but I'll get reading them. Might not be able to comment on all because sometimes I just can't...but I'll do the "Undecided, Lincoln, Blintz, Or Else", and another one...and then I'll be all caught up. :)

  7. This is a very interesting post, Mariann. I have a tendency to line up the or elses in a long row, one after the other, making my life an endless exercise in shades of gray, but I can see how you think. I could probably learn a thing or two from you. ;)

    1. You mean there are more than 50 shades of gray? Interesting.

    2. Get your mind out of the gutter.

  8. The "or else" theory works pretty well when it is either this or else it is that. Sometimes there are more choices and you have to add or elses to the equation.

    That was pretty wild about the meteorite. I saw it on the weather channel this morning. Today is also the day the big asteroid passes close to earth. They said the meteorite is not connected with that.

  9. Ahh those idle threads as kids. Do this "or else..."

    Or else what?

    Just you do it or you will see or else!

  10. I suffer from the opposite problem, which is an ability to see things in either or terms. It's graded on a sliding scale to me.

  11. There are many options. It makes it easier to decide by limiting the choices.

  12. Aren't we in a binary mood today? For whatever reason, today's post reminds me a joke told by a stand-up comedian whose name escapes me now: "Every sword is a double-edged sword."

    I know that's thematically relevant somehow, but I'm just too tired to connect the dots. Either you'll figure it out, or you won't.