A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

03 February 2013

Guilt-tripping the Masses...One at a Time

There I was, lamenting over the fact that my blog wasn't mentioned at all in the line-up over at "We Work For Cheese", and the next thing I knew...it showed up!

It did show up, right? I mean I didn't write this guilt-trip laden blog to come back to find out it's STILL MISSING off the list.

I can do guilt, I'm Catholic. I've had years of training by my family...and it's a tradition I carry out to this day. Hopefully, one day, my children will pass it down to their children...you know, if they ever get off their butts and get jobs to support themselves in order to start a family and maybe give me some grandchildren.

Oh, who am I fooling...I don't want grandchildren. I get annoyed enough as it is buying cat food and filling up the cat bowl...even if they are pretty much self-sustaining otherwise.

And, it's bad enough I had to child-proof my house twice, I'll be damned if I'm going to do it a third time. Plus, who would want to chase around a couple of squirmy kids all day? I'm old. Going out to get the mail is exercise enough for me...that and shooshing my newest cat from off the sink as she's insisting she must lick the faucet instead of drinking out of the water bowl like all the other cats do.

(It's a baggie pushed thru and hanging around the faucet so the cat can't lick it - yes, I have resorted to improvising ugly, yet practical, ideas.)

Do you know how repulsive that single act of hers is to a germophobic person? All day long I'm shooshing her, and her little pink butt-licking tongue, off of my sink. All day long I take a paper towel and pour some isopropyl alcohol on it to wipe off the faucet. All day long I sit here in the living room on the computer, looking up only to watch television and to see if the senso-light just came on in the kitchen so that I can bolt up, stomp my little feet (and they are little, btw) into the kitchen and shoosh her, and her little cat-litter-infused paws, off of my counters yet again.

So, don't you dare stare at me with that perplexed "Huh? I didn't do anything..." look on your faces like my cat does to me...each and every damn time I catch her in the act of perpetrating another germ-laden transfer...and go and do it already. Just add my name to your list and I'll stop my whining and you can get on with your month-long blog contest torture and make at least ONE person happy, okay?

Sheesh...she's up there again...and speaking of up there...um...is it? :)


(The topic today was "and the next thing I knew" - so don't forget to check out all the other paricipants in the "30 Days Minus Two" Blog Contest over at "We Work For Cheese".)


  1. The only good cat is a dead cat. I know. I have one. About grandchildren, though, the neat thing is you can have them over and wind them up but then you get to give them back!

  2. Not only are you on the list, but you're second on the list today! Woohoo!

  3. No no - the bloglist to the left - the blog roll of sorts...the alphabetical ones of the peoples' whose blogs you deem worthy enough to link to on your site. :)

  4. The "Cheese Roll". :) That one. :)

  5. Okay... I'm adding you to my blog roll Mariann. But PLEASE, don't send my that cat as a thank you gift. I don't do cats... because of the kitty litter... and the licking of the faucets... and the peeing in your bed when you don't pay enough attention to them.

  6. Yeah, I haven't earned a spot on the Cheese Roll either. Maybe after a few more challenges, I can prove myself Cheese Roll worthy.

  7. Suddenly I'm very happy I already have you on my blog roll. ;)

  8. "Cats...ugh, why does it have to be cats?" - Indiana Laughingmom

  9. The bad part is - I have to add everyone to MY blog roll! I was going to do it yesterday and I got scared that I would disappear the entire blog...so I didn't do it. I will have to have a Martini later to get brave enough to do it. :)

    Each time I go into the "inner workings" of my blog - I figure I'm going to do something to make the whole thing implode or something. It used to be easy to do, but they changed everything a couple years back and made it scary.

  10. Catholic guilt. Ah, yes. I know it well. Cat guilt is a whole other thing, but damn if they don't know how to work it. And they're genius at torment knows no bounds...

    Hysterical stuff, Mariann!

  11. Nice stuff. I'm not much of a blog reader, per se, but you "guilted" (nice . . .) me into it. I'm Rey Don'tsay from your FB world, so I want points.

    I know your cat pain, as mine tend to destroy blinds as a hobby. But I offer the suggestion (probably lame) of using the sprayer on your sink for water and giving your puss the faucet. It's fraught with accidental baptism, but hey, you're Catholic.

  12. "Going out to get the mail is exercise enough for me."

    Ahahahahahah! Same here!

  13. Guilt and lack of exercise...my two best events.

  14. I am not really Anonymous...I am just too damned inept to figure out how to create a profile...this is Robin Griffith...Bravo! Enjoyed the blog and thanks for the tip...I am going to put a plastic baggie over my husband's privates to see if I can get him to quit scratching himself

  15. I am also anonymous. I still might be Robin. Are you saying you need to douche your pussy? Douche/clean, same thing.

    1. Certainly not this Robin...gaaaarrrooosssss

  16. Your day sounds exhausting. If I had to monitor a cat's behavior all day, I'd run away from home.

  17. I'm mama to three felines who, for the most part, are well behaved. Our girl, Sophie is the youngest and most mischievous of all. Occasionally she will get on the bathroom sink, which annoys us. She loves to lick the water off the tub and shower walls, though, and that's all right. Sometimes it looks like a woolly mammoth bathed in the tub - she is a long-haired tortie. One or more will likely show up sometime during this challenge.

  18. Make sure you look at the roll well, because sometimes people are on it with a different name. That's what Nicky has with my link. She just changes names of things. :)

  19. Remind to always bring bottled water when I visit you, Mariann.

  20. Grand-kids,I was thinking WHAT has she flipped?? As I preceded to read on I realized the real you was right there. As for the kitty, many kitty's do that. Some people say it is because they don't like to get their whisker wet. I think the real theory is cats like running water. Instead of this on going battle. You might look into an cheap Pet Cat Water Fountain. It says- they are ideal for cats who drink from dripping faucets!! Cat water fountain filters and aerates continuously moving water to keep it fresher than standing water in a bowl. So cute! Shows a little picture with some water in the bowl at the bottom and a spiket thingy with water coming out of it.

  21. Hey Antfan713 is Stacey Robin Autote. :D

  22. I've tried one of those running water devices. Not only would none of my cats drink from it (it makes a humming noise which scares them) - the tubing and all the stuff inside of it gets really gross and slimy from the water and it is rendered basically a $39.00 germ-carrying plastic device by week's end. There's no real way of cleaning the long plastic tube - and you can't exactly put the electrical machine in the dishwasher.

    She's also the only cat which jumps on the counters - so it's really annoying as the others do NOT do it. I'm afraid of catching some horrible cat-tongue-butt disease.

    We change the cat's water several times a day and we put it in a glass bowl (plastic isn't the best for cats) - she has no excuse for doing it. Ugh.

  23. That picture is HYSTERICAL!!!! I actually had a cat who drank out of the faucet. Never touched it though. He would stand at the edge and wait for you to turn on the faucet. Then he would drink. Never thought about the cat litter and the sink. Ugh.

  24. Katherine - We had one who would turn on the faucet and drink...and while that was cute as anything, I had visions of him doing it when we were someplace overnite and the sink overfilling. He would only drink the stream as well. This cat licks the faucet doohickey where the water comes out - licks with a vengeance...probably licked off the first layer of chrome already. Ugh. Did I mention I am really paranoid with the germs? Sigh.

    I was thinking that I could buy an alternate faucet doohikey and swap them out each time I wash my hands or pour the water into the pitcher - but that would just add three more OCD hours to my day. Altho, I am still tempted.

  25. I used to be a germ-fearing neat freak until I got two cats. Cats are adorable, but they're also unhygienic jerks. Realizing that made my life a whole lot better. I really did get a kick out of that picture, though. It's brilliant, if not a little neurotic. ;)

  26. Oh...you don't want to know the neurotic things I do.

    But, if you do - I wrote a couple blogs. ;)

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