A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

24 February 2013

Confucius say...something not right in Medville

Today's prompt is "Confucius" over at Nicky and Mike's "We Work For Cheese" bloggy contest. Please go over there and then comment a lot on my blog saying how much better it is than all those other ones...or those naked photos of you with "you know who" gets published on the Internet.

Now, when people think of Confucius they think of all things Zen and fortune cookies. As I'm not one to look much into the future, that's the one I'm going with today. I see something...something strange...

"Confucius say 'Something very fishy and it's not your sushi."

Yeah, so I'm not being politically correct, but I'm not the one who makes up these fortunes...but here is what I saw today...and tell me Confucius is not right.

I'm watching CNN and they are showing Oscar Pistorius and the pre-Daytona 500 accident and then they do this piece on suicide.

Now I don't watch CNN religiously or anything - but I've been tuning to it ever since the Sandy Hook massacre because Piers Morgan is the bravest man I've ever seen. I'd never sit inches away from some gun-toting lunatic and tell him how stupid he is...especially since he has a lot of gun-toting lunatic buddies with those laser eye-scope guns.

So, now, when I'm bored and nothing is on - I pop CNN on.

Tonite was such a nite. TCM had nothing on I wanted to watch and I had already watched two episodes of the pseudo-Copper show, "Ripper Street" on BBC America.

Then the suicide segment came on. Some Dr. Drew Pinsky guy was on talking about how he was just talking to that country singer lady, Mindy McCready (who, unfortunately, committed suicide the other day), blah blah...guy from some Parenting magazine or website comes on...blah blah...and all the parents are taking Xanax and blah...and then that Pinsky guy says something about how the only two nations in the world who allow drug companies to advertise to consumers are the United States of America and New Zealand.

Now I didn't think much of that because I was too busy trying to finish up my boring blog (yes, thank you everyone for making my "Absurd" blog look pathetic in comparison) and reading everyone's blogs and commenting...when this commercial for Xarelto comes on. Xarelto is a blood thinner drug that they are saying everyone who takes Warfarin can possibly take. I take Warfarin - so I look up and pay attention because it's the first time I saw a commercial for it and my one cardiologist mentioned switching. I said "No" because "I haven't yet died on Warfarin...and that's always a good sign to me."

So...I'm watching this guy and the voice-over dude saying something about how much more you can do in your life instead of getting your blood checked once a month. Yeah...I'm sure that's sooooooooooo inconvenient to everyone - especially the ones of us who go to doctor's offices like every other day. So, I'm thinking how illogical this stupid commercial is...and it shows him in a truck and the GPS telling him to turn left and then he tells it "Uh, not today" or something and goes straight instead. Well, he ends up at a travel agency (like he has GPS but doesn't know how to book a flight online) and the agent lady asks him where he'd like to go as he's saved so much time not sitting in that office once a month and he points to a poster of New Zealand and tells her "There!"

Well, I'll be damned. Is that a coinky-dinky or what?

He doesn't point to Belarus (well, who would) - or Bermuda - or even wherever it was where that Confucius guy came from. He points to New Zealand. I'm wondering if the commercial in New Zealand has a similar guy pointing to the United States.

Either way...I sense some bad medicine here. And it leaves a really bad taste in my mouth.

I think I'll mention this to Dr. Drew (I'm sure he reads all his email)...just in case he hasn't noticed.

I'll keep you posted.




  1. Boy, you covered a lot of ground there. Are you on medication for ADD?

  2. Nope. No ADD for me. I just process a lot of things and see similarities and patters and stuff.

  3. I think that I was able to follow your through all of that - I don't listen to Dr. Drew or any other TV doctor (Dr. Phil especially).

  4. I had no problem at all following along. :)

    I don't listen to them either - but a fact is a fact.

  5. Wow, that's a lot of info. My head is spinning now.

  6. I'm not feeling the zen in you today, Mariann, perhaps you need to slow down a bit and read some Confucius. ;)

  7. I might consider pointing to Belarus. I figure if nobody else does, I could go and avoid tourists, no?

  8. My favorite part of any drug commercial is the disclaimers. Half the ad is taken up by them.

    "Gigglex may be the answer to your depression. However, serious side effects have been reported in a small number of cases. Among these are rectal bleeding, inability to feed oneself, left arm rotting off, and one or both eyeballs exploding. If you have suicidal thoughts, contact your doctor and we don't blame you. Discontinue use immediately if you're dead."

    When I was going bald, over 30 years ago, I decided to try Rogaine. I picked some up at the grocery store, with the intention of buying it, but then I decided to read the label first. From what I could gather, I had the choice of hair plus a possible heart attack or being bald. I chose bald, thanks.

  9. I got it. Had to read it twice, but on the second read, it made sense. It tracks.

    Carry on.

  10. Hey Mariann! American adverts always tickle me; I want to know how to get me one of those four-hour erections that're always warning me about. Wow, it must be late. Indigo x

  11. For the record, I really enjoyed your "Absurd" post. Also, regarding impulsive travel, a friend of mine recently traveled to Hawaii on a whim without any real luggage. Then after a week or so, he flew off to Alaska with no winter clothing. There really are strange people in this world who do these kinds of things.

  12. Well, I was just annoyed at the whole US/New Zealand medical advertising conspiracy. I'm still thinking there is one.

  13. Did u notice right next to the new zealand poster was one for arizona. i just can't connect those 2 places. beside wouldn't a longer flight aggrivate bobs condition. would be less stressful with a shorter flight to arizona. js