Todays Theme: 42

Today's word is "42". According to Douglas Adams...it's the answer to the universe and everything else...but that's so obviously passe...so, let's talk about me instead!

But, first let's see our other contestants at Ziva's photography contest before we take a look at mine (located after the list): MikeWJ, Nicky and Mike, Mo, Meleah, John, aka nonamedufus, Bryan, aka Unfinished Person, Malisa, Nora, LaughingMom, Tanya, Elizabeth A., 00dozo, Cheryl, Kristen, Katherine, and Ziva.

My depiction of "42":

Forty-two is how old I was back in 2003...and, for purposes of this post, specifically on 13 July 2003. That's when life as I knew it changed. That's the day I became famous.

Well, actually it was supposed to lead to much better things than it did...but I'm not complaining. People were supposed to line up to interview me (well, CNN was the first of a short long string...so they did kinda line up a little), people were supposed to contact me for book deals (unless we're counting the couple emails I got from wacko strangers online, no one did), and so far no one has made a reality show about my life...altho I'm still game for all of these.

Okay, okay...truth be told I did have the time of my life when I reigned for one year as the "Worst Writer in the World". Oh, wait...did I leave that part out?

Yes, in 2003 I won the "Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest" - no small feat...and I was on thousands...we're talking several tens of thousands...of hits on the Internet. At one point, and I Googled so I know -- I had more hits than Alec Trebek but less than Mel Gibson (this was before the whole Mel Gibson fiasco, mind you). I was in newspapers from Albania to Zimbabwe (yes, I was actually in whatever the equivalent of the Zimbabwe Times is...I checked). I was even interviewed by a very nice woman, who would later be known as "the woman who was still miked when she went into the CNN bathroom and talked about George Bush and her brother's wife"), Kyra Phillips.

And, ever since that fateful day, I made a promise to Scott Rice (the English professor at San Jose University who started this contest back in 1982) that I would do my utmost to promote the contest...so, as you can plainly see, this blog really isn't about me...it's honestly about the contest. And you people have all been duly notified as of this day...because tomorrow, the 15th of April, isn't only tax day...but also the "official" last day to turn in your Bulwer-Lytton entries.

(The newspapers shown above are Alabama's "Montgomery Advertiser", the nation's "USA Today", and New Jersey's "The Star Ledger". Sorry if this post ran longer than 250 words...as evidenced by my winning entry, which was 71 words long, I tend to get a bit "verbosey".)

My 2003 winning entry aka "the best of the worst"...is as follows:

They had but one last remaining night together, so they embraced each other as tightly as that two-flavour entwined string cheese that is orange and yellowish-white, the orange probably being a bland Cheddar and the white . . . Mozzarella, although it could possibly be Provolone or just plain American, as it really doesn't taste distinctly dissimilar from the orange, yet they would have you believe it does by colouring it differently.

Day 13: Pleasure

Today's word is "Pleasure". I had a whole lot of ideas...most bad...and most requiring light...but, true to my "experiment" I've been doing...Ambien has to be involved in at least one portion of the contest. Most times both the photo and the write-up are Ambien-induced.

First, check out the other participants at Ziva's "30 Days of Photographs" non-contest...and then look for my photo and write-up below: MikeWJ, Nicky and Mike, Mo, Meleah, John, aka nonamedufus, Bryan, aka Unfinished Person, Malisa, Nora, LaughingMom, Tanya, Elizabeth A., 00dozo, Cheryl, Kristen, Katherine, and Ziva.


My interpretation of Day 12: Pleasure:

This is my phone. I have two other handsets...one of which doesn't work anymore. It probably doesn't work because I wore it out. You see, my pleasure is talking. I love to talk...on the phone is fine -- in person, even better. I'm not sure if I just like a captive audience...or I like hearing the sound of my own voice. I know the sound of my own voice is horrible...but I hear it differently, and, to me, it sounds quite pleasant.

So, I thought the handset would get my point across for today's theme...it was either this or a photo of my mouth...and, trust me, the handset is much more photogenic. ;)

Day 12: Fear

It's nearly two weeks since we've all decided to jump on Ziva's bandwagon and take photos along the way. I have thoroughly enjoyed seeing all the different takes on the daily theme and seeing what I'll eventually go with.

I'm figuring the next couple of weeks will be harder than the beginning. I guess we'll all find out soon.

So...please check on Ziva's name in the first paragraph to find out what this contest is about...and then click on the participants to see what they've come up with. (My photo/blurb is directly following.)

MikeWJ, Nicky and Mike, Mo, Meleah, John, aka nonamedufus, Bryan, aka Unfinished Person, Malisa, Nora, LaughingMom, Tanya, Elizabeth A., 00dozo, Cheryl, Kristen, Katherine, and Ziva.

Day 12: Fear

"Whatever you do...don't...look...under...the...BED!"

What could possibly be more scary than a creepazoid axe murderer hiding underneath the thing we fall asleep on? Yeah...I grew up as a child (and well until my adulthood) checking inside the closet and under the bed before I retired for the nite. Fear will come and get you; no amount of hiding under covers is going to stop the thing which really isn't under the bed from crawling out and getting you. If you don't check beforehand...you are doomed. All kids know this...I knew this until I was about 30. Hey, some take longer than others...so don't judge me. This is the number one reason why I cannot watch scary films...I have a vivid imagination and way too many fears...and then the movie people go and invent some more.

But, the "thing under the bed" is, by far, the most fear-provoking in my opinion...so it gets the nod. (The "nod" provided in the photo is my daughter -- someone had to look under there...it certainly wasn't going to be me!)

Day 11: Wheels

Welcome to day 11 of Ziva's 30 Days of Photographs II non-contest. Please click on the link under her name to find out more information...and then check out these other participants: MikeWJ, Nicky and Mike, Mo, Meleah, John, aka nonamedufus, Bryan, aka Unfinished Person, Malisa, Nora, LaughingMom, Tanya, Elizabeth A., 00dozo, Cheryl, Kristen and Katherine.



Day 11: Wheels

I thought long and hard for what I could do for the "Wheels" theme...."Think think think, Mariann" I told myself -- "put those wheels into motion." So, I took photos of an old wagon wheel outside...and some other antique wheels just tossed on the side of the house to rot (apparently - because they are doing it pretty well)...but it was the tin of cars stuck in the back of my mind which kept calling my name -- but I never thought I'd be able to locate it (locating anything in this house is pretty much harder than advanced calculus). But, there it was on the shelf in the room no one dares go into as we might find Jimmy Hoffa...and honestly, if he was in there, he's going to remain unfound for years to come.

From a 1930s "Hubley" race car (in the very front) to a 1960s "Corgi Toys" Lotus Mark II LeMans (center of first actual row)...to the highly coveted (still boxed, unfortunately) "Hot Wheels" (most of the rest). These toy cars and trucks originally rolled into the lives of kids across the globe and later into the lives of collectors everywhere.

I proceeded to line them all up (a lot seem to be missing) on the dining room table (by year...because I'm anal like that...oldest toward the front) and took a few photos. A couple, which probably had been played with the most, only had three wheels left. The ones in the photo which seem to be leaning a lot are the guilty ones there...but most still roll like a dream. Not just any dream, mind you, but the most cherished of dreams: that of a pre-video game era child.

So, while I know everyone else out there is probably going to have some really phenomenal wheel photos...mine is probably the only one out there that will elicit a "vroom vroom" noise once you see it...unless, of course, some smart-ass posted a photo of a Big Wheel. ;)

Day 10: Waiting

Unfortunately, I didn't grab an opportunity when I had it last week. Coming back from Atlanta the traffic came to a complete standstill on I-85 on a rainy Friday nite. One by one the cars had their engines shut off and then an eerie stillness came over the southbound lanes as people turned their headlights off as well. A few people got out of their cars and it was like an episode of "The Twilight Zone"...and something I will probably never be a party to ever again. With my camera in the trunk, not holding a charge, I thought it was futile to get it out and snap some shots, but at least I should have tried as it would have made the perfect photograph to depict "waiting". But, alas, I didn't. After a couple hours, the wrecks a few miles up were cleared and they let us get on our way again.

Naturally, when I later saw the themes here at Ziva's...I could have kicked myself...but since I recently had ingrown toenail surgery...I didn't. I instead looked around for something else which might portray "waiting"...so I waited...until another opportunity would come along.

While you're waiting to read what I came up with...check out these other participants and don't make them wait too long before you do: MikeWJ, Nicky and Mike, Mo, Meleah, John, aka nonamedufus, Bryan, aka Unfinished Person, Malisa, Nora, LaughingMom, Tanya, Elizabeth A., 00dozo, Cheryl, Kristen, Katherine, and Ziva.


Day 10: Waiting

This is our cat, Chupie (short for Chupacabra). Chupie, since he is orange and I hold a disdain for all orange cats, he doesn't get a whole lot of attention here. You see, we have a bunch of cuter cats and they end up "winning" us over based on looks alone...so, yes, the orange cat comes in last...there's always a cat that comes in last and in our house, it's poor Chupie. Because of this, Chupie swells with happiness if we even look at him...and he can purr so loudly, I swear it can be heard from a couple rooms away.

So the other evening as it was getting late, I noticed him just staring forward, not moving a muscle. Usually, if I would have called his name - he would have come running...because any opportunity to be pet is foremost on this cat's list. But he just stayed...eyes fixated in front. I got a little worried that maybe he was hurt in some way...maybe an animal attacked him - or maybe he was hit by a car...or maybe he was just waiting for something to pop out of a little hole which was about one foot directly in front of him.

For at least three hours he sat and waited. Persistence like this, I thought, should not go unnoticed...so I finally grabbed my camera and took about 10 shots of him before the battery died. He, staying true to cat stalker protocol, didn't budge an inch. He might have looked at me a little...but only his eyeballs moved. His head stayed steadfast and unwavering...waiting...waiting.

Me...I gave up after the shots - but he remained for a couple more hours. Whatever was in that hole must have been the stuff that cat dreams are made of...and, the next day...he was at his post again. Now, that is quiet determination.

Whether this is a better shot than the I-85 standstill would have been...eh, I have my doubts; but this one (yes, wait for it) was definitely the more purrfect.


(The hole, if you cannot find it...is the dug up bit straight ahead of his gaze...next to the tiny clump of grass.)

Day 9: Something I Hate

This is now Day 9 in Ziva's "30 Days of Photographs II" non-contest. The days are whizzing past - and most of my photos are done within the confines of this house as I've been doing that "Ambien Experiment". Most of mine are done late at nite with horrible lighting. Maybe I'll take a few outside the next couple days and do the write-ups on Ambien; that is still a worthy experiment if you ask me. Anyway, please click on Ziva's name above to see what the contest is all about if you are new to the "game".

The other participants are as follows: MikeWJ, Nicky and Mike, Mo, Meleah, John, aka nonamedufus, Bryan, aka Unfinished Person, Malisa, Nora, LaughingMom, Tanya, Elizabeth A., 00dozo, Cheryl, Kristen, Katherine, and Ziva.

I had a few photographs of things I hated around the house taken a bit earlier tonite...the glow from the flash ruined most of them and everything had "auras". It wasn't until I got an email from someone who, at the present time, shall remain anonymous, when I got the idea for this photograph.

I present to you...Day 9: Something I Hate...

I received an email earlier tonite which cinched the deal on this one...I asked someone in a level of higher command to please leave me anonymous when I complained about someone. Long story short...they didn't. So, I typed the word up on a piece of paper and photographed it. It might be the less artistic way to go - but it speaks volumes.

I hate when people hide behind their anonymity...and say and do the cruelest things...and I hate those who cannot respect someones plea for anonymity.

So, there you have it. One word, which, in "real life" and on the Internet, has managed to hurt so many innocent people. That is something I hate above all else at this moment.

Day 8: A Stranger

This is now Day 8 in Ziva's "30 Days of Photographs II" non-contest. Seems it was just last week we started...time flies when you are hoping you can take a worthy photograph. It is harder than it looks and with all the choices out there...choosing one and sticking to it...is a challenge in discipline alone.

With that said...the other participants (and I have kept leaving poor Ziva herself off each time) are as follows: MikeWJ, Nicky and Mike, Mo, Meleah, John, aka nonamedufus, Bryan, aka Unfinished Person, Malisa, Nora, LaughingMom, Tanya, Elizabeth A., 00dozo, Cheryl, Kristen, Katherine, and Ziva.

The theme for today is "A stranger". I thought about this one for a while...and given the fact Day 8 falls on this very special day, my interpretation reflected that. I also was going to alter the image some on Photoshop, but I liked how the low light gave a bit of an ethereal look to it (at least to me) so I left it as originally photographed.

Day 8: A Stranger...

On this special day...do not let Jesus be a stranger to you.

Happy Easter, everyone!

Day 7: Mirror (30 Days of Photographs)

We are now at the first week mark at Ziva's "30 Days of Photographs" non-contest contest. The rules with the upcoming themes can be found by clicking her name above.

There are some very talented people showcasing their talent...please be sure to check out how they view their theme from their own eye. Their "eyes" can be found here: MikeWJ, Nicky and Mike, Mo, Meleah, John, aka nonamedufus, Bryan, aka Unfinished Person, Mariann, Malisa, Nora, LaughingMom, Tanya, Elizabeth A., 00dozo, Cheryl, Kristen, Pam and Katherine.

Day 7: Mirror

My interpretation of today's theme of "Mirror" was instantly formed in my head when I ran down the list when the words were first announced.

I chose Leonardo da Vinci for one obvious reason: He would write his notes in mirror text (he wrote them backwards...but they could be read easily if you put a mirror up to them)...and while I didn't have a great mirror at hand, I did have a recent article about da Vinci which attributes his "Vitruvian Man" drawing to another artist who supposedly had that idea beforehand. (It's always much easier to challenge the dead when they cannot answer inquiries.)

I also liked the way the backwards/forwards text of the article's title, "The Other Man" showed up...and I think it's an incredible stroke of pure ironic luck this paired extremely well with the "dual men" in this photo. I just wish I owned a better camera...and a better mirror. I'd be a whole different mirror image of myself had my mirror not been so incredibly bad. ;)

Day 6: Tragedy

Welcome once again to Ziva's wonderful "30 Days of Photographs" non-contest. If you don't know by now, the clickable link above will give you all the details you need to know.

My photo (and very short photo story this time around) are found directly following the list of other participants of this month-long expedition into the minds of some extremely interesting and talented people. Those people are: MikeWJ, Nicky and Mike, Mo, Meleah, John, aka nonamedufus, Bryan, aka Unfinished Person, Malisa, Nora, LaughingMom, Tanya, Elizabeth A., 00dozo, Cheryl, Kristen, Pam and Katherine.

My depiction of today's theme -- which is "Tragedy":

Yes, yes, I know I have my two wonderful children from this union...but, nearly 30 years of my life were wasted...and that is indeed a tragedy.

I won't bore you all with the details...they'd take up way more than 250 words anyway...but if you are willing, I'll give you a call. ;)

Day 5: Power

This is Day 5 in Ziva's "30 Days of Photographs II" non-contest. Click the link on her name for more details.

Please also visit the other contestants in our monthly photographic quest to "theme it out" for thirty days. My submission today is directly following the list of participants I'm going to give you now: MikeWJ, Nicky and Mike, Mo, Meleah, John, aka nonamedufus, Bryan, aka Unfinished Person, Malisa, Nora, LaughingMom, Tanya, Elizabeth A., 00dozo, Cheryl, Kristen, Pam and Katherine

My interpretation of "Power"...

Power, they say, is the ultimate aphrodisiac...and absolute power corrupts absolutely. But without money there isn't much power going around...so money is basically the magical power behind it all.

And what power you could have at your fingertips for just some risk taking with a few bucks. I, like millions of others, plunked down some cash for a taste of some power last week. I live in Alabama and there are no lotteries here...so when I went to Georgia to see a friend last week and the largest jackpot drawing in US history was also underway, I had to play. It had to be a good omen -- things like this hardly ever happen -- at least to me. Even the name of Georgia's lottery is the "Powerball" - and you can opt for including the "Powerplay" whatever that is. Either way, that's a lot of power that would come your way if you won. Correction: A lot of power that was going to be coming MY way.

I was going to do so many good deeds with that power, too. Plus it was going to totally empower me. Millions of dollars were going to give me the power to do nearly all the things I ever wanted to do...and stand up for myself for once...and be left standing. That power would be more intoxicating than the headiest of brandies...and I was going to be one happy drunk.

But, fate is fickle and even tho all that power was equally distributed to everyone who played BEFORE the lottery; afterwards all but three were left relatively powerless.

But, for those few days...I possessed almost as much "power" as J.K. Rowling. Eh...not bad for a mere Muggle.

Day 4: The Experiment

This is Day 4 of Ziva's "30 Days of Photographs II" -- the story behind which can be found by clicking the link at her name.

Some of you might have read that I've been doing "a little experiment" of my own since Day 1 here. What that experiment is...can be found below the list of participants and my photo below.

MikeWJ, Nicky and Mike, Mo, Meleah, John, aka nonamedufus, Bryan, aka Unfinished Person, Malisa, Nora, LaughingMom, Tanya, Elizabeth A., 00dozo, Cheryl, Kristen, Pam and Katherine

The gist of my experiment is that I've been taking my Ambien and then, pretty much unbeknownst to me, I take a photo and do a little blurby write-up underneath each one. This will continue every day for the month of April. Oh, sometimes I am more coherent than other times...and sometimes I do things which I didn't know I did. Anyone who takes Ambien knows all too well about the "amnesia" which happens after the drug kicks in. I've written whole blogs under the influence of it...and many times I've been impressed by what I've written...but, when you are so incredibly detached from your own brain when you go about doing things you have no real memory of doing...it's a bit frightening. In fact, it's more than a bit. It's like I've engaged "auto-pilot" or "cruise control" and then taken a nap in the back.

But, I've decided I'm going to stick with "the experiment" here and see what my "other self" comes up with when I'm metaphorically "asleep at the wheel" -- and no, I've never driven after I've taken Ambien...and I would highly recommend that no one does, either. The pity is that I'll never know if I'm a better photographer without it...but, if all else fails -- and I fail with it -- I'll have...well, a fail-safe excuse to fall back on.

(Hopefully you can read what I've written in the photo...if you can't, this is what it says:

In the true spirit of scientific research, I offered myself up as the proverbial guinea pig to prove my theory. I not only did a double blind study...but a double brained one as well. I'm not sure which half of my brain was working when I undertook the "30 Days of Photographs II" challenge...hell, I'm not even sure one half was even engaged...but my theory is that you don't need to know what you are doing in order to complete certain tasks. I fact, some tasks are better left unremembered -- and that's where all of this starts to make sense.

I want you to take a long hard look at the object to the right. Try your best to remember it because tomorrow I won't be able to. I'll just have a vague recollection of Ambien, a camera...and stringing random words together.)

Day 3: From an Ant's Perspective

This is "Day 3" in Ziva's "30 Days of Photographs II" non-contest. All information about the contest can be found by clicking the link above. (My photo and write-up are directly after the list of participants.)

The theme this time around is "From an Ant's Perspective"...which got me quite a few "Get back inside the house already...you're on Ambien!" admonistions from my son. But...I'm sure Ansel Adams was told many times to get his arse back inside...so I persevered.

Here is the list of the other "non-contestants" who have probably risen against adversity and braved public ridicule for that one special shot, too: MikeWJ, Nicky and Mike, Mo, Meleah, John, aka nonamedufus, Bryan, aka Unfinished Person, Malisa, Nora, LaughingMom, Tanya, Elizabeth A., 00dozo, Cheryl and Kristen.

Getting down on the ground to get an ant's eye view was the easy part...the hard part was trying to hold the camera steady with one hand and estimating how it might look without really seeing it and then hoping an ant graces the magnifying glass...all whilst knowing my crappy camera can only hold a charge long enough to take about four or five shots. Then you have to factor in I'm also heavily whacked out on Ambien and teetering on the edge of my swimming pool waiting for the clouds to break so I can get the "burn the human" take on the ant's perspective. While no ants were harmed in the taking of this photograph, I was bit on the hand twice. I now have a whole new respect for those National Geographic "lying in wait" photographers...but I also respectfully decline any invitations to the Serengeti.

Day 2: Architecture

This is "Day 2" in Ziva's "30 Days of Photographs II" non-contest. All information about the contest can be found by clicking the link above.

The theme today is "Architecture". Again, me, with my crappy camera which doesn't hold a charge, piddled around the house for three minutes at a time a few times today. I tried to find the link to a set of architectural wooden blocks I have as I was going to set up a magnificent artsy shot of those...but I didn't know what to call them as I don't know where the box or the instructions are. They are quite old and they aren't a toy...so all my Googling led to me giving up and going with my first choice (plus I was missing one of the shapes). Not sure how many others will have done the same idea as I did -- I'm thinking at least one other participant will have.

With that said, here are the other participants (my photo and little caption are directly following):

MikeWJ, Nicky and Mike, Mo, Meleah, John, aka nonamedufus, Bryan, aka Unfinished Person, Malisa, Nora, LaughingMom, Tanya, Elizabeth A., 00dozo, Cheryl and Kristen

As Ariadne once said, "Oh what a tangled web we weave..." as she was admiring the architectural ability of a spider as it diligently wove its web in order to exist another day...only to dismantle it, strand by strand, in the morning. Like Sisyphus with the boulder, a spider might seem tasked to a repetitive futile existence...but the gossamer beauty which exists, however fleeting, is simply stunning. This eight-legged wonder should have a place among those "Seven Wonders" as the feat it does is not only astonishing but also strong enough to stand the test of time. The tensile strength of spider silk is greater than five times the same weight of steel...so it's nothing to sneeze at...especially if you are walking thru a web the same time you are sneezing.

(Whilst Ariadne never uttered that quote...I have full artistic license when I write my silly blog and I used it.)

Day 1: Silence

All during the month of April, I am participating in a photography "non-competition"...the details of which can be found directly below. The other "non-conteststants (for reasons beyond my comprehension) keep having their intros removed...but, they can all be found following "Zivo's Inferno".

As I am having battery/charger problems with my camera (which can only take about four photos before it runs out of charge...please bear that in mind when viewing my photos. Set-ups and re-shoots are damned near impossible for the time being...hopefully later on this week they'll be able to order and procure a battery for me in-store...until then, please pity me.

Ziva's Inferno

Too Many Mornings

We Work for Cheese

The Tales of Mad Dog

Momma Mia, Mea Culpa

nonamedoofus

Unfinished Person

Moonlight Hollow

Door in Face

Where's the Funny Here?

Dog Eared Copy

Liz First Time

OOdozo

(My Interpretation)
Day 1: Silence

As I consider myself an undiscovered writer...I feel not putting pen to paper is the ultimate silence. Words have built countries, torn them down, influenced people, made them laugh, and brought them to tears. You can travel anywhere just by reading words...you can get inside someone's head or travel to a whole other time in space and further into that space than you could ever have imagined. Imagination is limitless...it's like a grand piano waiting for the maestro to play a legendary concerto. Writing are the keys that pianist plays...leave those keys unplayed...and again...only silence.

(I apologize for not getting the links right. When I see how everyone else does them I will be able to just "fix it" later. Please bear with them until that happens. Thank you.)

A Random Act of Mindless (Part II)

This is Part II of my foray into making up "Random Facts" to post on Facebook. I had to split them into two groups because over the course of a few days there were more than I realized. If you didn't catch the first part, this part probably makes less sense, so go over and read Part I first.

After realizing people actually were commenting to these things and liking them...and my newfound joy for writing them...I publicly acknowledged this fact (as was appropriate as it was a fact and was randomly inspired)...

"I am having a lot of fun making up "Random Facts". I cannot speak for those who are reading them...but I'm enjoying this a lot."

And then I went right back to making them up...again, hopefully you will smile a bit...

"Random Fact #15: Sophocles dedicated "Oedipus Rex" to his mother."

"Random Fact #12: Avocado pits will only sprout with three toothpicks - if you put a fourth in them (suspending the lower half of the seed in a glass of water) - they do not sprout."

"Random Fact #23: Women did not have the right to use a surname until the mid 1500s. Before then they were only referred to by first name and the place they were from...such as "Anne from Dover"."

"Random Fact #19: "The Bridge to Terabithia" was written only while the author watched episodes of "Bewtiched"."

"Random Fact #20: If you record a cat's purr and play it back to them backwards they will run away and hide. There is no explanation for this other than they are cats and cats like to f*ck with people."

"Random Fact #38: Most people whine in the key of C Minor...this is why most composers chose to write symphonies in this key -- they were whiney little bastards and found the key soothing."

"Random Fact #33: If you pick up a good-sized turtle and hold the underbelly of it up to your ear, you can hear the seashore...but only when the legs and head are fully inside the shell; otherwise you will hear the sound of you dropping it when it scratches you with its really long nails."

"Random Fact #4: The reason most people are lactose intolerant is because cows are notorious methane producers."

"Random Fact #12: The battery evolved from a one-celled organism."

"Random Fact #2: New Jersey is the only two-word state which is also commonly referred to in one word: Jersey. (West Virginia being called "backwards" does not count.)"

"Random Fact #16: The Mayan Calendar was originally invented to show women which days they were most fertile."

"Random Fact #81: No one knows how a snail can excrete that much mucous to leave as a trail. Scientific tests speculate the snail's body is like a wick of a humidifier and depending on the humidity level...determines how far it can travel."

"Random Fact #38: The "optimal" time for falling in love happens between the ages of 16-24. After age 24, the capacity to tolerate the irritating things people do declines drastically, thereby lessening the chance you will find them "ideal". Also, on the average, most people will fall in out of love four times in their life and remember those more fondly than a relationship later on. This is also the reason posited for why you have better childhood memories then your adult ones, i.e., life was better, food tasted better, television and music was better, etc. It's not that things were better so much as you tolerated more back then."

"Random Fact #4: Tablecloths were originally used to sop up/cover up the blood from the previous patron as there would usually be all-out brawls in most inns/restaurants. It was easier to cover up the blood than to go outside and pump water, bring it back inside, clean the table and set it back up."

"Random Fact #77*: The average person consumes about 3000 potato "eyes" in their lifetime. While potato eyes are indeed poisonous as they contain glycoalkaloids...it takes a great deal of them to actually make you sick...but as little as three of them can send you to the emergency room if you are hypersensitive. It is always best to toss ANY potato out if you see visible sprouting.

*This random fact brought to you by the "National Potato Council"."

"Random Fact #3: The human skeleton contains 206 bones...but that was not always the case. Early hominids had only 200 bones - anthropologists have determined that as we evolved our bones became more diverse and thinned slightly causing some to actually branch off and form two bones instead of one. The bones of the inner ear, for example, were once much denser and thicker possibly to hear frequencies of predatory animals which we do not need to fear anymore."

"Random Fact #97: If Dorothy Parker were alive today (and on Facebook) her witty comments would have been replaced with things like "Awwww...look at this kitty photo, it's sooooo adorable!" and "I'm stealing!"

Progress...sometimes one step forward is still two steps back.

Then my fun culminated on the 29th of February with this last one:

"Random Fact #29: The first "Leap" year was started after the Gregorian Calendar was implemented in 1582...but not officially adopted by England and the American Colonies until some 200 years later. The origination of the word "Leap" is not what most people think...that the calendar has to "leap" ahead one extra day once every four years to make the calendar work, but it is from the Old English/Latin word "lepre/lepros" as in "leper". It was customary in the late 1500s/early 1600s to burn effigies of lepers on this day to cleanse villages from the scourge of leprosy...hence the name "Lep Year" or, as it is now called "Leap Year"."

All in all, I had a lot of fun...and I think I did two really witty ones -- altho I'm not sure if you thought any of them were witty...but two? Eh. Who knows. I'll see if anyone comments.

And for those of you who were curious...I did indeed mention a number twice - two times. Numbers 81 and 33 were repeated. There's probably a random fact to explain this, and when I get around to thinking of it, you can bet I'll let you know.

A Random Act of Mindness

I am not sure any of you know of this thing they have online called "Facebook". Facebook, for those who don't know (yeah, I'm being sarcastic), is this online "social networking" site...many times more like an anti-social networking site, but, nonetheless, it is online and about a billion plus two people are on it at any given moment.

People, being of either the trusting (or more likely, stupid) sort...tend to believe anything you post up there. Just think of it as the "early Wikipedia" of the Internet. Wikipedia, if you don't know (again with the sarcasm), is like a vast encyclopedia of "stuff", which, in its early incarnation...allowed anyone and their cat...to post up "factual information" which people, in turn, assumed was real information and turned right around and would do things like quote from it, copy/paste whole sections of it into their homework, and would "impress" anyone around who would listen to them. Consequently, it was the perfect opportunity for people to reinvent history. And invent they did. Way back when it was a witty person's dream: Think of something, the more plausible sounding the better, and post it up on Wikipedia and sit back and see how fast people start transferring their made up stuff, i.e., convoluted creme de la crap, to their websites and other websites and even more websites. It was fun while it happened. Now they require you to pass some test of fortitude or something in order to post stuff on Wiki...but, if you are imaginative, you can now turn to Facebook.

Sure, it's not posted up there for eons for all to see...it's a fleeting bit of silly...but, as all the world's a stage...I'm going to be a player.

Enter people and those "Random Facts" -- usually posted on background type of card or poster to make it seem "legit". It seems anything you put on a poster type thing will make the rounds no matter how mundane or totally unimaginative it is. So...when I started getting a bunch of these "random facts" showing up in my Facebook screen...I decided I was game...and started making up some of my own.

Half the fun was thinking of something witty, half the fun was trying to make it believable. The last half was sitting back and seeing if anyone commented. Fun was born for a grand total of about three days. Then I decided it was time to move on...but at the risk of never having these seen by more than the three people who bothered commenting on them...I'm packaging them all up and posting them here. Yeah...there's a lot...and I'm doing it because I can -- plus I'm also curious if I repeated any numbers...since I did them all "at random" without having any plan.

Hopefully some are enjoyable...if not, sorry for the huge waste of your time. And because there were much more than I originally thought, I'm going to do a two or three part blog.

It all started out innocently enough with this one:

"Random Fact #27: If you saved up all the grit in your eyes when you wake up, by the time you reach age 75 you could have had a real hobby."

This one was fun because it got people thinking and commenting. I, naturally, added more and more specifications like "...uh...that is citrus" and "...that is yellow" as they kept disproving my fact:

"Random Fact #42: 'Lemon' is the only two-syllable named fruit."

I won't bore you with commentary on each one...so here they are (in half their glory):

"Random Fact 70: The apostrophe was originally written as a comma on the first typewriters. In order for you to make an apostrophe you had to manually adjust the carriage, type the "comma" in the higher placement on the paper and then readjust it back again to continue typing."

"Random Fact 191: Ladies underpants were invented a full 150 years before men's were."

"Random Fact #2: Statistically, because I'm not keeping track, each time I come up with another random fact's number (at random I might add), I'm 11.4 times more likely to use a number I used before."

"Random Fact #90: If $1.00 of each Disneyland/Disneyworld ticket were set aside...in 10 years it would be able to pay off the national debt."

"Random Fact #29: It is widely conjectured that the species of animal responsible for the most puns...is fish. For example: Salmon chanted evening. I did that for the halibut. I need an aspirin because I've got a haddock. Et al."

"Random Fact #57: The Lunar Rover was named after Neil Armstrong's dog."

"Random Fact #23: All English words have been either borrowed or the pronunciation bastardized from foreign words from other countries. No words in the English language, with the exception of those made up by Chaucer, Shakespeare and Snoop Dogg...are English or American in origin."

"Random Fact #92: Contrary to popular belief, Gordon Lightfoot was not that great a dancer."

"Random Fact #71: Approximately 1 in 280 milk cows are born with an extra udder. They are promptly sent to the slaughter house and sold as veal as the automatic milking machines only have four "milker" receptacles. Having a fifth teet makes it impossible to get the proper "suction sequence" going for the machine to work optimally, and therefore the cow will produce less and less milk with each subsequent milking...eventually becoming a "dry" cow. Slaughter not only aids in higher milk production but also ensures this gene abnormality is not passed to the next generation."

"Random Fact #22: The cheapest gas has ever been per gallon was in 1932 at 17 cents. The last time it was 25 cents per gallon (or cheaper) was 1947. Adjusted for inflation, that would be roughly 2.83 and 2.41, respectively. So, the next time someone tells you they remember when gas was "less than a quarter per gallon"...either they are really old...or they are lying."

"Random Fact #81: No one knows how a snail can excrete that much mucous to leave as a trail. Scientific tests speculate the snail's body is like a wick of a humidifier and depending on the humidity level...determines how far it can travel."

"Random Fact #43: Sharks do not have tongues and therefore cannot taste their food until it reaches their stomach...this accounts for the fact most human "prey" is not usually swallowed but spat back up."

"Random Fact #87: The word "garbanzo" as in "garbanzo bean" (otherwise known as the chickpea) means "testicle" in Aztec."

"Random Fact #33: Anthropologists have long deduced the fork evolved from an ordinary stick. It then took the shape of two prongs when mankind realized the stabilizing effect of the dual tine. Mankind further evolved the fork into a three-pronged implement...again further stabilizing the usefulness of the device. Science has proven that four tines is the optimal configuration for an eating implement of that type and that five would be pretty much superfluous. This fact has totally been lost on the razor/shaving industry altho it has been proven that the extra blades are unnessary and do nothing more than give the impression that 'more is better'."

"Random Fact #81: "Bubble Wrap" was invented after a scientist noticed how his foot's blister cushioned the underlying skin from further impact from outside stimuli even when pressed with extreme force."

"Random Fact #55: While most people know the "Guinea Pig" is neither from New Guinea nor a pig...most people do not know they used to only cost one guinea to buy (in England in the 1700s) and, when roasted, smell remarkably like bacon."

"Random Fact #102: A typical five pound bag of grits usually contains 1/2 pound of non-corn-based grit -- mostly road-based and/or the wearing down of antiquated machinery-type grit."

"Random Fact #48: "Global Marketing" is in fact a misnomer as no one ever markets anything for Antarctica really."

"Random Fact #17: Wikipedia was originally a database of Wiccan information and was originally entitled 'Wiccapedia'."

"Random Fact #59: Shakespeare's title for "Love's Labour's Lost" was originally 'Eat Pray Love'."

"Random Fact #27: Scientists have calculated that the temperature would have to dip down to -256 degrees K for Hell to freeze over. Ironically, this is the number of pages in "Dante's Inferno" and exactly the same temperature it takes for the creme inside a Twinkie to solidify fully."

"Random Fact # 31: If you drop a compass from a great height above at the North Pole - the needle will spin erratically until it hits 4,000 feet. This is caused by the interference of the Coriolis Effect on the gravitational pull in the stratosphere. When the compass enters the troposphere...it regains the correct reading."

"Random Fact #2: Henry Wadsworth Longfellow was only 4' 8" tall and was the inspiration for the "Munchkins" in L. Frank Baum's "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz". A lifelong feud between the two has typically been said to have produced some of the greatest written material of all time."

"Random Fact #1: No matter what kind of bread...or how expensive your toaster, no one in history has ever had their toast "toasted" correctly on the first try."

"Random Fact #4: You can sing any song to the tune of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" except Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody"."

And, on that note...I'll stop until Part II.