A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".
Showing posts with label Fresh Market. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fresh Market. Show all posts

25 November 2013



My Facebook friend posted a Tumblr post (from November 2011) the the other day...and...well, after reading it, I just had to comment.  It really got my ire up...which usually doesn't happen that much...well, as far as responding with a blog of my own to counter another person's post.  In fact, it's never happened before.  I was more than a bit miffed...and I couldn't remain silent.
 
My friend (who posted this - but did not write it) works in the retail business, and I'm certain she is a hard-working, nice, friendly, and very helpful person who deals with jerkwads every day.  I feel sorry for all the people who are also hard-working, nice, friendly, and very helpful people who have to field a bunch of self-righteous ignorant people who think it's funny to do the crap they do because they can do it.  I, however, am not one of those people and I did take offense to this posting.  Allow me to tell you the story from MY side of the counter.
 
I will post the link of the posting (not copying the whole thing it in case they get mad at me) - and take each item one at a time, in the order they are shown in the post.  Please check out their article first - so you can see the full comment for each item.  It's imperative that you do so in order to fully understand my comments.
 
 

1.  Return your items to the store in which you bought them.
 
While this sounds like an excellent idea and I've done this a few times myself  (I'm not prone to returning things...and can count the times I have done so on a couple hands)...sometimes people who live in another state...have sent us things for Christmas...and we couldn't return it to that specific store. Logically, expecting people to drive all the way back to the store it was originally purchased at, is...well, illogical.  Some people also have other reasons they can't as well.  The fact that you get 20+ returns a day from people is no excuse to treat them like crap...nor roll your eyes at them after they leave your store.  Not everyone is buying things at one place and then driving way out of their way to another store just to make your life miserable.  If the store's policy (usually a chain store) states you can take it back to ANY store...you should do it...without a problem.  Also, sometimes there's a reason a person shows up 10 minutes before closing...especially if the receipt says you have X days to return it and you just now realized today is the last one.  Sorry again...but that's the way it goes.  Also, sometimes there is traffic caused by accidents and whatnot.  If I drove all the way to a store 1 1/2 hours away (I've done this before)...to take something back and I get there 15 minutes before closing...you can bet I'm going to take it back.  I would probably apologize for inconveniencing you...but I would still take it back.
 
2.  Think twice before picking up your phone.
 
Personally, I don't talk on my phone in front of people I'm dealing with on a face-to-face basis.  I realize others do.  And, guess what?  A LOT of the people I see who do that...are the ones at the register or working elsewhere in the store...ignoring me while they are talking to someone on their own cell phones.  Yes, I have had to wait...a HUGE amount of times...a HUGE amount of time...until they decided to hang up...sometimes with a snitty response along the lines of: "Uh...a person's here I have to go wait on...yeah...I know...(laugh laugh)...really...uh huh, I tell ya (laugh laugh)...ummmmm...call you back in a minute."  Now I know lots of customers probably do this...I am not doubting you there.  But if I had to fire every single worker at a store who did this to me...I'd pretty much have solved the unemployment crisis (well, not really - but you know what I mean) in this country.  The difference is that...we are paying for YOU to wait on us...not the other way around.  Many people in stores seem to fail to realize this because they just don't give a damn one way or the other.  They hate their jobs or have not been brought up with any work ethic - many who work have never worked in an era before cell phones...but that is absolutely no excuse.  You have a job...get off the phone and do it!
 
3.  I run a business, not a daycare.
 
Absolutely agree with you here.  I can feel your pain.  I feel it when I'm in a store and see it.  My children NEVER did this.  Trust me.  Never.
 
4.  That shirt you found online?
 
I've never done this.  I'm sure people do this.  While it might be irritating...it's still your job and you should be nice to them.  Some people probably don't realize this...and, yes, customers hope you have it in the back...that's why we ask.  Guess what?  Sometimes asking the right person...after asking two others...found what I was looking for...in the back.  The difference is that they took the initiative to look.  You can't believe how many times I've been told they don't have one of something...only to be told they do...by another employee who goes and "looks in the back" for a minute.  This is probably why people routinely ask this.
 
5.  Don't just bring a list.  Bring pictures.
 
Wow?  Really?  We have to bring photos of our stuff that we want?  You mean to tell me that I can't walk into...say, Williams-Sonoma, and ask them if they have a tea strainer because they can't find it as I didn't bring a friggen photo?  Seriously?  You can't possibly be that familiar with your products if you need photos of everything. You just don't want to admit you aren't familiar with items.  Am I to believe if you are working at an apparel store...you can't help someone who maybe wants to find a blue long-sleeved shirt?  Or maybe a cropped white sweater to wear on top of a white dress like my daughter had to wear for graduation?  Oh, yeah.  I had apparel-hell when I asked employees if they had anything like that in their stores.  Numerous stores.  What is so hard about "Do you have any white sweaters which are kinda like a bolero jacket here?"  Trust me...hunting for the "Holy Grail" is probably an easier task.  I can't believe people are seriously that unfamiliar with the stuff in their stores.  ALL of them.  In Dillard's we asked no less than FIVE employees in the women's department...with no luck. They didn't remotely have a clue.  We had to find it ourselves....while they went right back to talking to each other.  And, you know what?  I could have remembered where nearly everything was after looking around for a bit. If I can do that in 30 minutes, you surely can do that after eight hours every day for weeks on end.  It's called "your job"...do it.
 
6.  When I say, "Hello!" I'm being polite.  You should try it.
 
Oh...really?  First off, "IF you say 'hello'", is more like it.  I don't typically get a kind word from store employees anymore; half of them are talking to the other worker...making sure their backs are to me (conveniently turning their backs to me the whole while as I walk around them) or talking on their cell phones.  They also don't say things like, "Thanks for shopping with us" or "Have a nice day!"  Many times when I've said it to them...they've not said a word back.  Again, I must reiterate...if customers don't say one word to you while you are working...they might be rude...but it's still your job to greet them.  They don't have to say anything to you if they don't want to.  Sorry, but that's the way it works.  It's called "your job".
 
7.  Be nice.
 
Oh...don't get me started - as you'll get an elongated #6 (above) out of me.  I will just point out again that it's your job.  It is upon you to be the nice one.  This is totally lost on most people out there in the world today...except for Chick-Fil-A and Fresh Market workers.  How come they can be nice yet everyone else can't?
 
8.  Here's the thing with receipts; They [sic] kind of prove that you bought it.
 
I've had receipts...with the purchase price I paid on it...and, guess what?  They didn't gladly fork over the full amount.  Um...Macy's...I'm talking to you.  I had to get into an all-out receipt-war with the person before I had to go to another floor to see a manager...who tried to weasel out of it before a higher tier manager intervened and reluctantly gave me my purchase price back...all because an item was on sale AFTER the purchase.  So, don't even go there with the "receipt" bit.  I also know people wear things...that they've not ever bought there...and then try to take them back.  But, you know what?  For every person who doesn't have a receipt there are probably dozens more who do.  I know it's got to be frustrating and you don't want to argue with a jerk with an attitude problem...so I can see where you are coming from.  It must not be fun.  But...it's also not fun for me to spend another 25 minutes arguing my case when I have the receipt in my hand.
 
9.  Do I really have to tell you the price of every thing I ring up?
 
If they are asking?  Yes.  I can't tell you the amount of times something rung up wrong and they had to do the "price checks" or the "walk you back to where I found it because it will take less time than if you do it yourself and there's a line in back of me which rivals the one for the opening of a 'Star Wars' film" things.  And then they have to call to get the one person in the store who can do an override - and they are always talking to another worker...or looking at their friend's baby...and then take their damned sweet time coming over to only turn a key and press a button.  Just for the record...probably one out of ten times I go to a store...there's a price marked incorrectly...and it's not ever in my favour.  So, yeah.  If someone asks what the price is...again...it's your job.  Be nice and oblige.
 
10.  If you don't like our prices, go to Wal Mart.
 
Wow.  Just wow.  Seriously, you just said that?  I hope you work at Wal Mart.  And you are whining because you are helping someone find something...when it's your job?  Ugh.  Just ugh.  I need a job.  How about I take your job?
 
11.  "It doesn't have a tag on it so I guess it's FREE.  Right?!" "Hahahahaha" [sic]
 
Oh, c'mon...everyone who shops says this.  Get used to it. 
 
12.  I don't get paid to be a housekeeper.
 
I agree with your comments.  I detest seeing those empty cups and food containers all over - are people that lazy?  I guess they are.  They also figure they have a maid (in you) to pick up after them.  I never do this as I think it's deplorable.  I even walk my carriage back to the inside of the store most times instead of just leaving it in the little carriage containment corrals in the parking lot...so, yeah, I don't do this.  I hate the people that do.  And, no...that shouldn't be your job to clean up after them like that.
 
13.  If I tell you I can help you find a size, I'm not being polite...
 
It takes you two to three hours to refold a table of shirts?  Perhaps if you turned off your cell phone and used two hands it would take you about 10-15 minutes instead.  Seriously...I can refold a table full of shirts, dress or casual, in a LOT less time than two to three hours.  I think you are highly exaggerating it here to prove a point.  A point that, by the way, is probably IN your job description.  And, perhaps you should be a little nicer to people...and I'm assuming, from your comment, that typically only "XL" people do this sort of thing?  I'm really thin and even I'm taking offense from that snide remark, you impertinent twit.  I'd go and unfold clothes every day for a month if I knew where you worked...just to piss you off.  Seriously.  That was uncalled for.
 
14.  The mall is closed.  You may leave now.
 
Usually they usher you out of the store with the constant reminders that the place is going to close in 30, 15, 10, 5...minutes.  I am sure there are stragglers - but most places will give you plenty of stare-downs and whatnots in order for you to leave.  Some places totally shut the registers down - and, if you are late going up to it, you are out of luck.  And, yes, nearly everyone I knew in retail worked a while after the store closed...but they also got paid for working until their work was done.  I, on the other hand, worked in a government job...and many times I would work late...without getting paid overtime.  I very rarely ever got out right on the button.  And I never was a jerk to anyone who wanted to chat a bit. 
 
So...there it is.  I feel better now after responding to this...even if no one reads it - I got it out of my system.
 
Many people out there would love to have a job...and there's people with this attitude bitching about having one.  Perhaps working in a job where you don't have to deal with the public would be helpful for people who seem not able to deal with people.  I run into so many people, at the doctors' offices and at the retail level, who really never should have gone into that line of work.  Unfortunately, it's not so easy to terminate someone...and the ones who have a bad attitude...they are afraid to...just in case they come back later with a gun.  It's just a sad situation we live in where doing your job is something people complain about.  Just doing your job.  I don't get it.  I guess I was from another time.  A time when doing a great job without any reward was still expected.  Now, it seems, that if you just do your job, you get pats on the back.
 
By the way, I make it a point to never complain about someone (to management) unless they are consistently bad...and, even then, I don't complain (like that woman who works at the Starbucks on Eastern Blvd...she's NEVER been nice...not even cracked a smile that I've seen...and I've gone in there at least 30 times).  I do, however, call to tell managers about how incredible a worker is...and I've done that numerous times.  So, word to the wise...there are people out there who notice when you've been nice.  

And, remember...being nice to people doesn't take an extra effort...that is, if you're used to doing it.

 

07 June 2010

"Hey, let's talk about sex!"



Give me any woman and ten minutes...and it will lead to sex.

Well, not actual sex, mind you, but the conversation will eventually end up with us talking about some facet of sex. I'm almost convinced I've had more sex talks than Dr. Ruth and Dr. Laura Berman have...COMBINED.

There's something about complete anonymity which people seem comfortable enough about, to start spilling out their most private details right there at the card, produce or coffee section in the supermarket.

These are women of all ages - all ethnicities and all social statures. For some reason I must come across as a great sex therapist, as this has been going on with me for ages. Maybe it's my talkative nature, maybe it's my ease to listen and actually pay attention at the same time...maybe it's just that a whole lot of women like to talk about sex with complete strangers. Who knows?

All I know is that 98 percent of women out there (based on my "research in the field")...are not at all satisfied with their sex lives and/or their partners. Oh, they all go home and act like they are...or maybe they don't; but if it's any indication of the information I've been told, women clearly aren't in happy relationships...sexual or otherwise.

"Why do these anniversary cards have to say, 'You're the best thing that ever happened to me?' or 'You make my life complete.' or 'You're the best husband a wife could ever wish for!' ...why can't there just be generic 'Happy Anniversary' cards without any sentiment on them, whatsoever?"

Oh yes, I've been privy to that conversation a zillion times. Do you know how incredibly hard it is for these women to actually pick out a card? There's not many "un-sappy, un-gushing, un-laden with sexual innuendo" cards to choose from. And the ones that do fit that bill...look like "Here, Bob...you shoulda bought this yourself and saved me the trouble." Nothing in between. But I guess Hallmark wouldn't make too many sentimental brownie points if they had the "Andy Rooney Line of Anniversary Cards"...

"Whatever happened to our marriage? How come you don't do anything nice for me anymore? You don't think socks just pick themselves up DO you? Oh yes...all the waitresses in the best restaurants LOVE to be reminded that you could BUY the whole bottle for the price they charge for two glasses. Class like yours only comes with age...and we've been married HOW LONG, again??"

Those Hallmark gems aren't in the aisle you'll be looking thru. You'll be finding couples who look nothing like you holding hands, hiking; in a yacht, cuddling beneath a starlit sky, and for some reason - worshipping the game of golf.

Pay attention next time you go card shopping...on the surface it looks like it's only a sea of blank faces faced with the daunting task of choosing "just the right card". But...look closely...their apparent blank gazes twitch and grimace...and do that "eye roll" thing...and if you're very quiet, you can even hear a little whimper sounding like "yeah right" spoken under their breath. And these are the people I speak to because you can always spot them...they are there, and by the third or fourth card (like that third or fourth drink)...they're willing to open up to anyone who will listen.

It's really quite disconcerting when you come to think of it -- a whole slew of people so dissatisfied with their lives, secretly confiding in someone they know they'll never see again about a topic they probably rarely ever talk to anyone else about. It's sad that they're pouring their hearts out to someone who really doesn't matter to them...about something that...really does matter.

Apparently it also matters to over 50 percent of Americans...as they wind up divorced. Many get divorced, directly or indirectly, because of sex: the lack of it, the incompatibility over it, the infidelity because of it...the list is literally endless. And the stigma attached to talking to someone in a clinical setting about it...is most likely the key factor as to why so many women are tight-lipped about it.

Except, of course, when they run across a talkative perceptive stranger in some beauty salon, TJ Maxx, the doctor's office, Fresh Market, or any store with a card aisle.



(Originally written, but not published, about three years ago.)

17 August 2009

Hooters' Hole

Sobriety checks, red light cameras, and designated drivers. They are all deterrents to driving drunk...but I think I've found something MUCH better.

Behold, the "Hooters' Hole":



A few of these strategically placed things around Montgomery and it will be like a worm on a hook, a bit of cheese in a mousetrap, or a moth to a flame.

Those of you who have seen it in the daytime pulling out of the Twin Oaks Shopping Center (aka the Hooters/TJMaxx/Fresh Market) parking lot might have had to swerve a bit or drive into the oncoming lane when making a right turn. Those of you who are unfamiliar that it's there...especially at nite...well, good luck to you. It's a force to be reckoned...or at least negotiated around...with.

Then it got me thinking, "Just how many people, perhaps a little over the .08 legal limit, have gotten behind the wheel of their car only to find themselves calling for a tow truck?" Hey, I've clipped that thing with my back right wheel in the daytime with no alcohol in me - and I know it's there! Imagine being a little impaired in the dark...and you've got the perfect DUI trap.

So, I called up Hooters tonite (Sunday) and spoke with the manager (who was extremely nice and tolerated my line of wacky questioning) to ask her if she knew of anyone who stomped back inside after getting swallowed up by the hole. You can't really tell by the photo - but that thing's gotta have a three foot sudden drop-off...and it's not confined to only being IN the parking lot. The perimeter of this baby is huge...slowly swallowing up the street...kinda like some alien blob. In fact, the manager herself said she damaged the underside of her car the other day turning a bit too sharply. I disagree. You don't HAVE to turn sharply to end up in this hole...all you have to do is turn into your lane...the sheer placement of the thing will do the rest. As I said earlier, you basically have to drive into the oncoming lane in order to avoid that thing - especially if you have a long car...or a van like I do.

While she didn't know of anyone who got stuck or drove into this hole, it could just be they managed to get out of it before the police showed up. Face it, if you damage your car driving into a hole on the side of the street leaving a bar after you've had a couple drinks...you just might not want to alert the authorities or have them alerted by some tow truck's flashing lights. You're going to make as little a scene as possible.

And speaking of scenes...this scary thing has been on the scene being seen by me for years. What is up with the county not doing something about it? Does someone have to get badly injured before anyone takes the initiative to come out there and fix the thing? There's a couple more mini-holes growing each day in that same parking lot that will soon progress to "wok hole" status (it's too large to be classified as a plain old pot hole) if they aren't attended to in the near future.

So, to borrow and tweak Mark Bullock's signature "Clean up!" phrase he so eloquently trumpets when admonishing restaurants with failing Montgomery County Health Department scores in WSFA News' "Food For Thought" segment...all I can say to ALDOT about this hole is...

"Fill up!"


I apologize to those of you out there who were expecting to read this blogumn replete with countless "Hooters' boobies" puns and references...as I refrained. But if you ask me very nicely in an email...I'm sure I could accommodate you. ;)

04 November 2007

Unexpected Pleasantries

Well, as luck would have it...or more simplified (or would that be complicated)..."Murphy's Medical Law" my daughter has been sick starting from the time I was in the hospital and is still sick. We found out the other day that her tests for Mono were indeed positive, so that's a relief...at least knowing what it is and that it's not something worse.

She's been out of school for a couple weeks on and off because of it and I haven't been able to drive because of my recent hysterectomy, so my constant trips to stop off at The Fresh Market (for those of you living here in Montgomery) on the corner of Vaughn Road and Eastern Blvd next to TJ Maxx. I love The Fresh Market - or as I call it "Fresh Market". I cook a lot of gourmet meals and their produce/meat selection, and above all, quality, is second to none in Montgomery...it's a wonderful place to shop if you are strictly buying food...and if you want that food to be top notch.

Today my husband went there to get us some things, and I don't know exactly the conversation, but they asked about me (and probably why they haven't seen me and my daughter every day like usual) and he told them about my operation and about my daughter being sick as well.

Then the manager did something extremely kind: he gave a bouquet of yellow roses to me and one of pink carnations to my daughter. (Nice blurry photos below...taking them at night doesn't help the clarity.) That was very sweet and I promptly phoned him up to thank him. You don't usually get that type of human interaction/contact in other stores I am sure. I've always told everyone I love the fact that I know who the meat people are by name, the cashiers by name, the managers by name, etc., and they know me. That's the way it should be...and touches like the flowers are evidence that places like this and caring customer oriented people like them still exist.




Again...thank you Fresh Market for hiring classy people who take the time to get to know their repeat customers and go that extra distance to make us feel special and respected.