My Facebook friend posted a Tumblr post (from November 2011) the the other day...and...well, after reading it, I just had to comment.  It really got my ire up...which usually doesn't happen that much...well, as far as responding with a blog of my own to counter another person's post.  In fact, it's never happened before.  I was more than a bit miffed...and I couldn't remain silent.

 

My friend (who posted this - but did not write it) works in the retail business, and I'm certain she is a hard-working, nice, friendly, and very helpful person who deals with jerkwads every day.  I feel sorry for all the people who are also hard-working, nice, friendly, and very helpful people who have to field a bunch of self-righteous ignorant people who think it's funny to do the crap they do because they can do it.  I, however, am not one of those people and I did take offense to this posting.  Allow me to tell you the story from MY side of the counter.

 

I will post the link of the posting (not copying the whole thing it in case they get mad at me) - and take each item one at a time, in the order they are shown in the post.  Please check out their article first - so you can see the full comment for each item.  It's imperative that you do so in order to fully understand my comments.

 

http://rocksteadyash.tumblr.com/post/12403420976/what-retail-employees-want-you-to-know

 

1.  Return your items to the store in which you bought them.

 

While this sounds like an excellent idea and I've done this a few times myself  (I'm not prone to returning things...and can count the times I have done so on a couple hands)...sometimes people who live in another state...have sent us things for Christmas...and we couldn't return it to that specific store. Logically, expecting people to drive all the way back to the store it was originally purchased at, is...well, illogical.  Some people also have other reasons they can't as well.  The fact that you get 20+ returns a day from people is no excuse to treat them like crap...nor roll your eyes at them after they leave your store.  Not everyone is buying things at one place and then driving way out of their way to another store just to make your life miserable.  If the store's policy (usually a chain store) states you can take it back to ANY store...you should do it...without a problem.  Also, sometimes there's a reason a person shows up 10 minutes before closing...especially if the receipt says you have X days to return it and you just now realized today is the last one.  Sorry again...but that's the way it goes.  Also, sometimes there is traffic caused by accidents and whatnot.  If I drove all the way to a store 1 1/2 hours away (I've done this before)...to take something back and I get there 15 minutes before closing...you can bet I'm going to take it back.  I would probably apologize for inconveniencing you...but I would still take it back.

 

2.  Think twice before picking up your phone.

 

Personally, I don't talk on my phone in front of people I'm dealing with on a face-to-face basis.  I realize others do.  And, guess what?  A LOT of the people I see who do that...are the ones at the register or working elsewhere in the store...ignoring me while they are talking to someone on their own cell phones.  Yes, I have had to wait...a HUGE amount of times...a HUGE amount of time...until they decided to hang up...sometimes with a snitty response along the lines of: "Uh...a person's here I have to go wait on...yeah...I know...(laugh laugh)...really...uh huh, I tell ya (laugh laugh)...ummmmm...call you back in a minute."  Now I know lots of customers probably do this...I am not doubting you there.  But if I had to fire every single worker at a store who did this to me...I'd pretty much have solved the unemployment crisis (well, not really - but you know what I mean) in this country.  The difference is that...we are paying for YOU to wait on us...not the other way around.  Many people in stores seem to fail to realize this because they just don't give a damn one way or the other.  They hate their jobs or have not been brought up with any work ethic - many who work have never worked in an era before cell phones...but that is absolutely no excuse.  You have a job...get off the phone and do it!

 

3.  I run a business, not a daycare.

 

Absolutely agree with you here.  I can feel your pain.  I feel it when I'm in a store and see it.  My children NEVER did this.  Trust me.  Never.

 

4.  That shirt you found online?

 

I've never done this.  I'm sure people do this.  While it might be irritating...it's still your job and you should be nice to them.  Some people probably don't realize this...and, yes, customers hope you have it in the back...that's why we ask.  Guess what?  Sometimes asking the right person...after asking two others...found what I was looking for...in the back.  The difference is that they took the initiative to look.  You can't believe how many times I've been told they don't have one of something...only to be told they do...by another employee who goes and "looks in the back" for a minute.  This is probably why people routinely ask this.

 

5.  Don't just bring a list.  Bring pictures.

 

Wow?  Really?  We have to bring photos of our stuff that we want?  You mean to tell me that I can't walk into...say, Williams-Sonoma, and ask them if they have a tea strainer because they can't find it as I didn't bring a friggen photo?  Seriously?  You can't possibly be that familiar with your products if you need photos of everything. You just don't want to admit you aren't familiar with items.  Am I to believe if you are working at an apparel store...you can't help someone who maybe wants to find a blue long-sleeved shirt?  Or maybe a cropped white sweater to wear on top of a white dress like my daughter had to wear for graduation?  Oh, yeah.  I had apparel-hell when I asked employees if they had anything like that in their stores.  Numerous stores.  What is so hard about "Do you have any white sweaters which are kinda like a bolero jacket here?"  Trust me...hunting for the "Holy Grail" is probably an easier task.  I can't believe people are seriously that unfamiliar with the stuff in their stores.  ALL of them.  In Dillard's we asked no less than FIVE employees in the women's department...with no luck. They didn't remotely have a clue.  We had to find it ourselves....while they went right back to talking to each other.  And, you know what?  I could have remembered where nearly everything was after looking around for a bit. If I can do that in 30 minutes, you surely can do that after eight hours every day for weeks on end.  It's called "your job"...do it.

 

6.  When I say, "Hello!" I'm being polite.  You should try it.

 

Oh...really?  First off, "IF you say 'hello'", is more like it.  I don't typically get a kind word from store employees anymore; half of them are talking to the other worker...making sure their backs are to me (conveniently turning their backs to me the whole while as I walk around them) or talking on their cell phones.  They also don't say things like, "Thanks for shopping with us" or "Have a nice day!"  Many times when I've said it to them...they've not said a word back.  Again, I must reiterate...if customers don't say one word to you while you are working...they might be rude...but it's still your job to greet them.  They don't have to say anything to you if they don't want to.  Sorry, but that's the way it works.  It's called "your job".

 

7.  Be nice.

 

Oh...don't get me started - as you'll get an elongated #6 (above) out of me.  I will just point out again that it's your job.  It is upon you to be the nice one.  This is totally lost on most people out there in the world today...except for Chick-Fil-A and Fresh Market workers.  How come they can be nice yet everyone else can't?

 

8.  Here's the thing with receipts; They [sic] kind of prove that you bought it.

 

I've had receipts...with the purchase price I paid on it...and, guess what?  They didn't gladly fork over the full amount.  Um...Macy's...I'm talking to you.  I had to get into an all-out receipt-war with the person before I had to go to another floor to see a manager...who tried to weasel out of it before a higher tier manager intervened and reluctantly gave me my purchase price back...all because an item was on sale AFTER the purchase.  So, don't even go there with the "receipt" bit.  I also know people wear things...that they've not ever bought there...and then try to take them back.  But, you know what?  For every person who doesn't have a receipt there are probably dozens more who do.  I know it's got to be frustrating and you don't want to argue with a jerk with an attitude problem...so I can see where you are coming from.  It must not be fun.  But...it's also not fun for me to spend another 25 minutes arguing my case when I have the receipt in my hand.

 

9.  Do I really have to tell you the price of every thing I ring up?

 

If they are asking?  Yes.  I can't tell you the amount of times something rung up wrong and they had to do the "price checks" or the "walk you back to where I found it because it will take less time than if you do it yourself and there's a line in back of me which rivals the one for the opening of a 'Star Wars' film" things.  And then they have to call to get the one person in the store who can do an override - and they are always talking to another worker...or looking at their friend's baby...and then take their damned sweet time coming over to only turn a key and press a button.  Just for the record...probably one out of ten times I go to a store...there's a price marked incorrectly...and it's not ever in my favour.  So, yeah.  If someone asks what the price is...again...it's your job.  Be nice and oblige.

 

10.  If you don't like our prices, go to Wal Mart.

 

Wow.  Just wow.  Seriously, you just said that?  I hope you work at Wal Mart.  And you are whining because you are helping someone find something...when it's your job?  Ugh.  Just ugh.  I need a job.  How about I take your job?

 

11.  "It doesn't have a tag on it so I guess it's FREE.  Right?!" "Hahahahaha" [sic]

 

Oh, c'mon...everyone who shops says this.  Get used to it. 

 

12.  I don't get paid to be a housekeeper.

 

I agree with your comments.  I detest seeing those empty cups and food containers all over - are people that lazy?  I guess they are.  They also figure they have a maid (in you) to pick up after them.  I never do this as I think it's deplorable.  I even walk my carriage back to the inside of the store most times instead of just leaving it in the little carriage containment corrals in the parking lot...so, yeah, I don't do this.  I hate the people that do.  And, no...that shouldn't be your job to clean up after them like that.

 

13.  If I tell you I can help you find a size, I'm not being polite...

 

It takes you two to three hours to refold a table of shirts?  Perhaps if you turned off your cell phone and used two hands it would take you about 10-15 minutes instead.  Seriously...I can refold a table full of shirts, dress or casual, in a LOT less time than two to three hours.  I think you are highly exaggerating it here to prove a point.  A point that, by the way, is probably IN your job description.  And, perhaps you should be a little nicer to people...and I'm assuming, from your comment, that typically only "XL" people do this sort of thing?  I'm really thin and even I'm taking offense from that snide remark, you impertinent twit.  I'd go and unfold clothes every day for a month if I knew where you worked...just to piss you off.  Seriously.  That was uncalled for.

 

14.  The mall is closed.  You may leave now.

 

Usually they usher you out of the store with the constant reminders that the place is going to close in 30, 15, 10, 5...minutes.  I am sure there are stragglers - but most places will give you plenty of stare-downs and whatnots in order for you to leave.  Some places totally shut the registers down - and, if you are late going up to it, you are out of luck.  And, yes, nearly everyone I knew in retail worked a while after the store closed...but they also got paid for working until their work was done.  I, on the other hand, worked in a government job...and many times I would work late...without getting paid overtime.  I very rarely ever got out right on the button.  And I never was a jerk to anyone who wanted to chat a bit. 

 

So...there it is.  I feel better now after responding to this...even if no one reads it - I got it out of my system.

 

Many people out there would love to have a job...and there's people with this attitude bitching about having one.  Perhaps working in a job where you don't have to deal with the public would be helpful for people who seem not able to deal with people.  I run into so many people, at the doctors' offices and at the retail level, who really never should have gone into that line of work.  Unfortunately, it's not so easy to terminate someone...and the ones who have a bad attitude...they are afraid to...just in case they come back later with a gun.  It's just a sad situation we live in where doing your job is something people complain about.  Just doing your job.  I don't get it.  I guess I was from another time.  A time when doing a great job without any reward was still expected.  Now, it seems, that if you just do your job, you get pats on the back.

 

By the way, I make it a point to never complain about someone (to management) unless they are consistently bad...and, even then, I don't complain (like that woman who works at the Starbucks on Eastern Blvd...she's NEVER been nice...not even cracked a smile that I've seen...and I've gone in there at least 30 times).  I do, however, call to tell managers about how incredible a worker is...and I've done that numerous times.  So, word to the wise...there are people out there who notice when you've been nice.  

And, remember...being nice to people doesn't take an extra effort...that is, if you're used to doing it.

 

My "Beef" with Walmart

Typical open-topped freezer case you find at your grocery store...not unlike the one I'm talking about at Walmart.

Yesterday my daughter and I ventured over to Walmart.

For reasons unbeknownst to anyone who has a remote inkling of how to do things, the powers that be at our local Walmart redesigned and redesignated all the aisles and moved everything from where it used to be to places that no one in their right minds would put it. It's like they took the entire store's contents, tossed them into a giant Walmart happy-face hat, and pulled aisles out at random and relocated them. Consequently I (and everyone else looking for things there) can't find anything at all. Those PUR and Brita water pitchers? Next to the toilet seats...DUH! Which, by the way, is in the same exact aisle as PAINT. Who'da thought? Well, paint USED to have lead in it - the water filters take the lead out (at least some)...so logically they'd be in the same aisle, right?

Apparently.

Anyway, that's not what my "beef" is.

My daughter says to me that cheesesteaks would be a good dinner idea...and I agree. Being from Jersey, which is a hop, skip and a jump away from Philadelphia...and being in Alabama (and I don't care what Craig Ferguson says about "Salem's Diner" in Birmingham having the best Philly cheesesteaks he ever had...anywhere) I miss my cheesesteaks. And being that I can concoct an "okay" facsimile...I agree and opt to make them for dinner last nite.

I actually think the secret to great cheesesteaks has got to be those Amaroso's rolls you never used to be able to get anywhere but the NJ/PA area (you can get them elsewhere now...go figure)...but I digress once again.

So, the Steak-Umms in Walmart are usually inside those "open air" aisle freezers - the kind without a lid on them - not the stand-up kind of freezer with the doors. And, glory glory...they didn't move them like they did everything else in the store...they are right there where they've always been.

I reach my hand down for the third pack from the top like I always do...and it's warm. I swear the Walmart air temperature was colder than the Steak-Umm package I now had my fingers wrapped around. I go and look at the temperature gauge and it's reading around 60+ degrees. The other thermometer in the same case further down is reading 50-something.

Now, I'm not stupid - I know freezer cases "cycle". But this food was the "Damn, I left this out on my counter instead of putting it away!" temperature. When the freezer cycles into the "defrost mode"...the food doesn't magically get warm and then freeze up again.

And heaven knows how long all this stuff was at this temperature - so I call a stocker lady over. She sticks her hand in there and remarks something to the effect of "Oh...this is NOT good!" and scurries off. So, naturally I assume she's going to call someone who will get to work fixing the case and promptly tossing all the bad food out.

Enter me and my daughter...into the same Walmart today. We have an hour to kill before getting her medicine from CVS, so we head on over to kill it there.

Me, again, being of the curious nature, decide to saunter over to the "Steak-Umm" case to see if they've tossed the food from yesterday out.

Big empty area inside the case exactly like yesterday: Check.

Steak-Umms piled up exactly like yesterday: Check.

Hamburger box tossed over on its side when the lady felt around the case - in the same exact position as it was yesterday: Check.

I left the aisle in disgust. "I'm going to make some calls tomorrow." I say to myself. I'm like that. I do those kinds of things. I may be little...but I am just as big as anyone over the telephone.

So, as we're still having to wander around for a while, we decide to go look at water pitchers again as I've probably contributed the equilvalent of filling up one landfill already with my empty plastic water bottles...and I feel pretty guilty as it is for doing so.

But not as guilty as to not report this Walmart infraction to someone today before someone inadvertently reaches for a nice "formerly warm/now frozen" package of tasty Steak Umms to unsuspectingly cook up for their family tonite.

As luck would have it...and no one ever asks me if I need help in Walmart (they usually run the other way like I have the plague...or ignore me totally as if I'm invisible) so it must be a sign -- a man walks up to us as we are making our way over to the "water pitcher/toilet seat/paint" aisle, and asks if "everything's okay today".

So I chirp up "No, it really isn't" and I state my case about the case. As we are walking he admits they had a freezer fixed this morning. The case I lead him to...isn't the one it was.

I then get a 10-minute spiel from him trying to convince me "it cycles" and that's why the temperature gauges were reading 60. Then another man joins him (who happens to be an assistant manager) and he further tries to convince me of the "cycling" theory.

But, you know what? I'm 50 years old. I've stuck my hands in more freezers over the years than a gynecologist specializing in frigid women has. I KNOW what room temperature feels like and I know what COLD feels like. I also know what the case looked like when I reported it to the woman last night. These two men today (while both being very nice) made no mention about anyone throwing out any food from that case, so chances are, they didn't.

All someone did was get the freezer fixed or jiggled the cord or something...and I'm not going to feel too guilty when I call up Walmart's corporate office tomorrow. I'm also not going to feel too safe the next time I buy my next frozen "nukey meal" there.

And whether corporate will care or not is anyone's guess as I've been told a lot of unbelievable stories by Walmart workers over the years. I've always dismissed them as over-exaggeration on their part...but now I'm not too sure about that.

But one thing's for certain: When I walk into Walmart to kill some time...I certainly don't expect anything I buy to KILL me later when I get home.

Unemployment Figures...It Shouldn't Be This Way

I've been sitting here the past few months wondering something: If there's so many people needing jobs in Montgomery (and across the country), why haven't the people who do a bad job...at their job...been let go and replaced by someone who would do a much better job?

In fact, the other day, on WSFA's news, I saw a report about a pizza shop owner talking about how he had to fill 50 slots and had 200 applicants (or some numbers similar), so he could pick and choose only the best and friendliest people to fill those slots.

Well, this got me thinking about the original thought I was thinking...you know, the one in the first paragraph. Why aren't more discourteous and incompetent people being fired and more capable and willing people being hired?

Now, here's something I've addressed a few times - in my blog and elsewhere: The workers at "Chick-Fil-A" are always super nice. I can go through that drive-thru at any time of day and they will be super nice..I could go loop around and drive through it 17 times in a row...and you know what? They'd be nice every single time. Down the street a ways the people at "McDonald's" and "KFC" made me so annoyed by their abject lack of anything resembling manners or people-skills, I long ago stopped going. I have heard it hasn't changed.

I go into stores...just random stores - I won't mention any names this time...but the niceness is spotty at best. Some places...I swear the workers see you approaching them and they dodge away from you as fast as their little feet can carry them without breaking into an all-out sprint. These stores are typically called "home improvement stores" and "stores with initials in the beginning of their name followed with a double consonant at the end of their name". I'm not even counting Walmart here...because they already have a reputation for "having a reputation".

And I'm sure there are countless other stores I don't go into which do the same.

I also see this at doctors' offices. Many times I'll get a receptionist who won't even say "Good morning" or "How are you today?" How hard IS it to do this? It takes about three seconds tops. No, what I get out of them is "Your co-pay is $12.00". Not even a "Thank you for coming here so I can actually have a job." (Yes, that line was an exaggeration, but I think you know what I mean.)

Nothing.

I also have been waited on, in line, by a cashiers (yes, several different ones - at several different stores) who made me wait while they clearly conducted a conversation with their boyfriends - and they weren't getting off for me until they were done with that conversation. I've been looked at by workers who were too busy talking to each other, usually in groups of three for some reason, to see that I needed help. When I dared interrupt them to ask for help, they only stopped long enough to say "It's not my department" and went right back to talking. Not, "I'll find someone to help you." or "Let me see if I can help."

I've rarely reported these people to management - and when I have, the management seems to have more issues than the workers themselves. Calling up "corporate" makes me feel like I at least talked to someone who cares, but the same issues never seem to get resolved.

I read forums devoted to why people can't be nice in these instances...and always the same line gets uttered, "Well, what do you expect when they're getting paid minimum wage?"

I worked YEARS for minimum wage, after school at the high school's office. I worked for years for minimum wage (or very close to it) at McGuire Air Force Base in admin offices. Granted, I never worked at a store or fast-food restaurant...or even a doctor's office for that matter, but it mattered to me to be courteous and do a good job. The thing is...I took PRIDE in my work, regardless of what I was paid for it. It was a reflection upon my own self and I didn't want to compromise my integrity as a good worker by doing a lackluster job.

So, what I want to really know, is...if these places can get 200 applicants and hire only a handful, why do some stores, restaurants, and doctors' offices hire, what seems to be, the worst 50?

And, how come I still can't get a job in this town? Is it because I'm too old? My lack of a college degree? I think I'm a nice person - I still look (somewhat) pretty when I put on make-up and I have a fabulous wardrobe. I'm definitely a quick learner (except for politics...yeah, political bloggers, I put that one in to see if you are reading)...and other than cleaning restrooms and changing light bulbs in their 50-foot high signs outside, I'm willing to do most things; the more challenging, the better.

Seriously, do I have to just come in with an "I don't give a flying fig" attitude in order to land that elusive job? I'm beginning to really think so.

Lastly, taking me totally out the equation, when ARE things around here going to change for the "better"? If there's such a glut of people looking for jobs, you'd figure it would be a hiring market...you'd figure they would hire the best people, right? Or are they hiring the most inept people to camouflage their OWN inadequacies and incompetence?

Face it -- next to the worst person in the room, everyone else looks so much better in comparison, right?

"Slater"ed for Fame

By now everyone has heard the story of Steven Slater, JetBlue Airways' flight attendant, who, fed up with the non-compliance of a passenger, and after getting bonked on the head with her overhead baggage, threw a hissy fit, cussed at the passengers through the plane's intercom system, grabbed a beer (or two - depending on who you're listening to), told everyone where they could put his job, opened the emergency hatch and slid his way into relative fame online.

He somehow managed to drive back home where he was then later arrested and taken into custody.

Well, this whole thing spread like wildfire and everyone and their mother is sticking up for this guy.

His mother, by the way, unfortunately, has been diagnosed with lung cancer and is dying. Some attributed his strange behaviour to this, which, of course, is never easy to deal with. I never had to deal with my mother dying while I tried to maintain composure on a plane-full of people who listen about as good as a pit bull on steroids.

I tend to be one of maybe 18 people who think this guy did the wrong thing.

And I think the media attention he's getting for flying off the handle and quitting in this way is only opening another door for much more deranged workers to emulate.

Think about being the person standing downwind of the cashier at Walmart when she has had it with the guy trying to pass off an extra item in the "15 or less" line. She grabs his can of hominy grits and throws it at his head, but being that she has carpal tunnel syndrome from doing the repetitive scan "bip bip...bip bip...bip bip" plus coupled with the fact her hearing is shot because you can hear the scanning dinger bell in aisle 12, it whizzes past his head and hits yours instead. She claims it was all due to a nervous tic she developed over the years from being hit on by the octogenarian greeter who also claims he's gone deaf from the incessant "bip bip" noise and mistakenly took her "tic-wink" as a come on.

Your last vision before you depart this life is seeing everyone applauding her as they always thought a case of Coke should be counted as 24 items, too.

Or, there you are, waiting in line for two hours for your six-year-old kid to get a photo op with the drunken Santa they just fired but can't replace as it's nearly closing time so they let him stay on to finish the night. You and your child, totally oblivious to this fact, gleefully await your turn when he suddenly stands up to leave...gets an alcohol head rush and has to sit back down (those of you who've had this happen know what I mean...those who don't - ask someone who does). After grabbing your kid "Ralphie-style", he gets some whack epiphany and starts off on a tirade that would make Mel Gibson blush and your kid is now scarred for life and lashes out worse than a bull each time he sees red.

The people in line who didn't get to see Santa start some rant about commercialism and how Santa has about as much place in Christmas as a bunny does during Easter. Someone captures the whole event on their cell phone and posts it up online. It goes viral overnight and your kid's picture ends up on about 57 comedy website photo caption contests and is further taunted after school starts back up in January.

Then there's the Post Office. But I won't go there as it's really not funny.

And I don't think this is, either.

Luckily this guy wasn't the pilot.

Blind Ambition

I'm in Walmart the other day and we needed to get new band-aids. We pick up this one box and it has Braille on it. Now, I realize there are blind people out there and this is probably a good thing to do - they have menus in Braille and such...but, picture this scenario if you will:

A blind person walking around in Walmart trying to find the band-aids fumbling around with 20 million other products on the shelves that don't have the Braille "band-aids" raised dots on them...knocking things over left and right.

First off, I think the blind person would probably have had someone "not blind" drive them to Walmart, right? Most likely - unless they came on a bus - but since there's no buses where I live to go to Walmart...I totally discounted that idea.

Anyway, if they had a "not blind" friend, wouldn't they just ask them for the band-aids? A "not blind" person doesn't need to have the little Braille dots on the package in order to find them. Or perhaps, in a perfect world, a Walmart worker would see the person needed aid of some sort and offer to help them out...but since this has probably never, ever happened in recorded history...it probably wouldn't then, either.

So, okay, the blind person goes to buy the band-aids and pulls a $20 bill out of his wallet. It has no little raised dots and the cashier gives him change back for a $5. Then the blind person takes the band-aids back home and puts them in the top right drawer in their bathroom.

I'm not blind - but if I put them in the top right drawer of my bathroom - they'd probably still be in it when I go to look for them later (no pun intended). And, if I closed my eyes and went into my bathroom right now, I'm sure I could deduce which box in the top right-hand drawer is band-aids - c'mon it's not shaped like a tube of toothpaste or the jar of Vaseline. Even if I had eight boxes of other stuff in there shaped just like a band-aid box, I could always open one box, stick my fingers inside and go "Nope, not band-aids...nope again...yep, band-aids".

So what is the friggen REAL reason Braille is ON the band-aid box???

I figure the band-aid people were gathered around their conference room one meeting-day thinking of new and innovative band-aid technology and couldn't really think of anything new in the adhesive, print, or bendy realm...so one guy in the back who was filling in for his boss who was enjoying his "Three Martini Lunch" piped up, "Uh...how about Braille?"

Three of the people sitting there laughed - but the guy in charge, in typical board-room executive decision-making fashion, fired them and appointed "George the accounting dweeb" head of "Box Design" and the others learned an important lesson about stifling all laughter until you get back to your cubicle.

The executive-in-charge then told some other dweeb guy to gather up demographics costing in the hundreds-of-thousands of dollars to ascertain if the mere presence of Braille made the company look more sympathetic than their competition - and, face it, who really needs to look more sympathetic than a maker of things like "ouchless" band-aids?

No one.

So, naturally, I bought the other brand of band-aids.

That'll teach them to let three people go in this economy...the unsympathetic bastards.

Stalwart? Not Walmart.

I don't typically write about my trips to Walmart - but this one just stood out more than the others, so I thought I'd share...



I needed to pick up a few things like a battery for my nifty pedometer I've never used (but am intending to), some sunblock, some Epsom salt, and some soda. So, I pack up my daughter and head on over to the Walmart down the street a ways.

First on the list: Get the Epsom salt before I forget. But first - pull out one carriage. Defective. A second. More defective. A third...worst of the lot...go back and get the first carriage. Yes, I know I only have to get a handful of things...but I will undoubtedly forget one of them...and buy 18 more I didn't come in for - therefore I need the carriage.

I go on over to where I figure they'd stock Epsom salt. The part of the store where they have band-aids, aspirin and soap. I walk around - I walk around some more - and sure enough I spot it. Right next to this lady who works at Walmart talking to another lady who works at Walmart. Epsom salt - bottom shelf...about inch from the one lady's leg.

Now I'm not invisible the last time I checked, but wouldn't you know it - I must be invisible today! Usually when someone comes within a radius of say a foot of your personal space, most people will take notice. Nope...not these two ladies. Even with me saying "Excuse me" - they didn't even pause in their conversation to each other and neither took notice nor moved. I had my face literally at crotch level to the one lady - and seriously, it really wasn't where my head was today...nor where I wanted my head at today. Even with me saying "Uh...I need to get the Epsom salt here"...she didn't flinch a muscle. She apparently had no problem with me being close enough to be able to read the manufacturer of her zipper; I, on the other hand, did. I reached over with my arm as extended as it could go and snatched up an Epsom salt and promptly left, remarking again very loudly to my daughter "You would think they could have moved over a TINY bit so I COULD HAVE GOTTEN IT!" Hey, since I was invisible today and all...I figured I should take advantage of it and be a little jerkier than usual.

Next stop: The battery.

I need a replacement battery which goes by the name of "LR43". It's one of those round watch-types; a seemingly easy to spot kinda dealie ...but all the round ones are pretty much round and vary by 1/1,000th of a micrometer in diameter or width or circumference or whatever...and they make a LOT of them and I'm figuring with the luck I've been having lately they discontinued this exact size ages ago or just sell them in the UK.

Now had I known that this would have been like looking for the needle in the proverbial haystack I would have sought out some help when I first saw someone pass by...but I'm a big girl and I can surely find where they keep the batteries in Walmart, right?

Wrong. While I might be a "big girl" - the store is much, much bigger than I am. There's also no real rhyme nor reason order to it. Let's see...batteries right next to the muffins? Yep...sounds like there was some master planning here. Heaven knows I like to pick up some batteries when I'm buying a tasty muffin...but not this time...I needed the round kind - everyone knows the batteries they sell next to the muffins are only the double A, triple A, and C kinds. Duh!

My daughter then makes a grand assumption. A pedometer is kind of like an electronic thing - round batteries just might be in electronics? Right? Sounds logical to me. So we wheel our wonky carriage on over to the electronics aisle where we scope out the batteries and find a very small display with more empty slots than batteries and sure enough - the only round ones there were LR44s. While they look the same - I'm sure it would cause my pedometer to blow up...so I'm not going to chance it. I decide to ask the guy behind the electronics counter who looks to be a whopping two years older than my daughter. He proceeds to tell me that they are on the other side of the aisle...where again...only LR44s. Close - but nope. And they really didn't have a wide selection of any batteries there to start with. Have you seen the size of a Walmart lately? I mean they are ginormous. Surely I can't be the only person in this town to ever need a battery. These two lousy displays AND the muffin battery assortment wouldn't serve the population of Mayberry let alone Wetumpka.

Okay, let's get the soda - I know where they keep that.

Much to my chagrin there's no batteries next to the soda. What a really lame store. We'll have to look elsewhere.

Now, I vaguely remember, once upon ago, when I needed another such round battery for something - they had them where they sold the jewelry - where I initially thought of going, but was reluctant as I spied no watches there...plus after the "Epsom salt incident" I wasn't too keen on asking another woman Walmart worker anything. But she was behind a counter and my fear of getting up close and nearly personal with this one was thus alleviated. I asked her.

As luck would have it - no LR43s. She was, however, helpful and directed me over to the pharmacy where she thought all the other round batteries were kept.

They only had a couple kinds there - most were super tiny...so again, I'd have to go away empty-handed. This was getting old. We gave up the battery search.

So, we shuffle off, still pushing our incredibly wonky carriage (I'm 100 percent certain Walmart doesn't own a carriage that isn't defective in some way...all Walmarts, not just this one) to go and get sunblock. It's the last on my list after all...I am not even going after the 18 other items that I don't need this time. I just want to grab the sunblock and get out as fast as humanly possible.

We look around and around and around. Up and down all the aisles in the pharmacy-area department. Not by the hair dye, not by the body wash, not by the tampons, not by the vitamins. I was beginning to think maybe they kept sunblock next to the muffins...but I didn't go back to check. I reluctantly (whenever I ask someone in Walmart...it's always my last resort) decided to ask someone behind the pharmacy counter as both "Epsom salt" ladies were nowhere to be found. A guy was talking there forever so we decided to look some more. We found a tiny one in the "tiny things to take on trips" aisle...but I couldn't believe there'd be less choice of sunblock than there was batteries - but it didn't look good.

Back to the pharmacy window...the guy was still there. Then another lady behind there popped over and asked if she could help. "Things are looking up" I foolishly think to myself. I asked her about the sunblock and she proceeds to tell me, "I don't know - maybe it's in the outdoor gardening section." "Yeah? MAYBE???" I reiterated "MAYBE???" to her...quickly followed by "I've been all over this store for the past forty-five minutes...couldn't you PHONE someone up to let me know where they keep it instead of just 'MAYBE' it's somewhere? Maybe it's somewhere - maybe it's not?" I didn't even wait to hear her reaction and we took off down the aisle towards the outdoor section...all the while I'm muttering under my breath, "I don't work here, she works here...she's got a phone, she could have asked someone where it was. I can't believe no one in this whole store knows where anythi..." ...then I spotted it: A huge section of the aisle across from the pet food, but well before the outside department, chock full of sunblock paraphernalia. How could I have been so stupid NOT to have gone directly across the pet food aisle to look for sunblock? Just what the heck was I thinking??

Oh, I'm sure that next to the Bedazzler and knitting needles there's a whole battery section I never knew existed. THEY don't even know it exists. Next time I'm in Walmart I'll be sure to check.

(By the way, in case anyone was wondering...Walgreens stocks LR43 size batteries.)