A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

28 April 2006

Half Daze

Whose half-brained idea was it who came up with half days at school? Did someone decide they'd stick it to the people who go back to sleep after they drop their children off? Did they get mad at the people who made more money than them and figure "Well if we throw in six half days a year...they'll have to either take the whole day off or leave at lunchtime...and that might get them fired...then they'll have no recourse other than to work at a school for what *I* make and that'll teach them to make more money than me." Or did they plain not think the whole thing out to start with? I'm betting on that one.

Now if you are like me...and those 10 people out there can sympathize...but I don't ever get tired. I have this whole "reset" thing I do. It goes something like this: Once in a while I'll actually get tired...and if I don't act on this 10-15 minute threshold of time...my window of opportunity...my portal to sleepiness, as it were...I "reset" and get wide awake again. And my whole life I've never been able to sleep the "regular" time other people do...I used to just lie there and go "Oh...2:00 a.m"....toss toss..."Oh...3:00 a.m."...etc., until I had to get up at 6:00 to go to school or work. So...since I don't work, I don't even bother to go to sleep or try...until after my kids go to school. Then it typically takes me a couple hours to fall asleep...that puts it at about 10-11:00-ish...then I don't have to get up until around 2:00 to get them at 3:00. So, this half day thing really puts a crimp in MY sleep schedule.

But I take Ambien now or I don't sleep...and sometimes it kicks in quickly and 15 minutes later my typing is getting kinda wonky...the computer screen changes from flat to rounded and I realize I should probably just call it a nite. Other times, three hours later and nothing. That's what usually happens...so that's why I'm not going to bother taking one tonite as I'll be driving in one of those Ambien-induced hypnotic trances you've been hearing so much about (hey, there's a future blog idea)...and undoubtedly eating something at the same time without realizing it. But now back to the half day issue I have such an issue with.

I cannot be the only one this half-day thing displaces...and each time they have one at my daughter's school they never have after-school care...so it's not like these working people can just take advantage of that. No...they have to leave work early or not go in at all. So, considering this whole premise here, wouldn't it be logical that the school would either make it a full day...or have the WHOLE day off? Oh, I know the concept of "sleeping in" is lost on the majority of people here in Alabama (at least everyone I've ever spoken with)...I think the whole state wakes up all nice and chipper about the time I turn off the television to go TO bed. But there are SOME people who are from out of state who live here who have actually slept in on weekends...and maybe they'd welcome the opportunity to do it IF they had the whole day off.

So, either way...with or without taking Ambien, I'll be going off half-asleep to pick my daughter up tomorrow...and you can bet there's a whole bunch of people who won't begin to hear the half of it for taking off, too.

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