A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

24 April 2006

Board is the Word

"Science Rules!" Oh, shut up, Bill Nye...isn't it time they find a replacement for you anyway? Okay, I admit, I did like Bill...he was fun...getting together your child's science project at T-minus 10 hours...isn't.

Oh, she did all the required things...grew her gross restaurant table germs nicely in the Petri dishes our doctor friend kindly provided...photographed them every other day...kept a little "growth" log...BUT we all failed to realize that we'd be hunting the elusive "science project display board" after she inadvertently messed up our one and only...and apparently Montgomery's one and only.

We have no choice in the matter, we are forced to make the trek down to the Montgomery Office Depot...but only to find there are none on the shelves. My daughter and I walked around and around and couldn't find them...so off we go to ask directions as to where they might be hiding them. The guy we asked was actually more than helpful...hey, I've had massive problems with the Office Depot employees here in town...MASSIVE. If you aren't a people-person...ya know, maybe you shouldn't work WITH people. But that wasn't the case with this guy...and usually I do tell on the good employees, but time was of the essence here and it was fast approaching 5:30. This worker informed us that the only place that science project boards could be had weren't IN Montgomery...none at Walmart, none at Target, none anywhere...except the Prattville Office Depot...to which I responded, "Considering this is the time of year that all the science projects are due...why didn't you guys stock up?" I knew he didn't know but that didn't stop me from asking...not like he ran the store...but maybe he should be.

So, off we go to break the sound barrier to get to the Prattville Office Depot by their 6:00 closing time. Luckily we did. I think there's another science project IN there somewhere but there's always next year. Oh...by the way...the Prattville Office Depot...rules! It's a LOT nicer, newer and each person we ran into was incredibly helpful...especially this one man who kept asking us if we needed any more help with the poster boards...informed us that he was putting more out...and are we sure we found the one we needed.

But let's rewind a bit. When we first get out of the van I noticed a woman and her teenage daughter getting out of their vehicle. Thoughts of "If they think they are grabbing the last project display board they got another thing coming" were dancing...make that coursing thru my brain. And sure enough, they headed straight for the boards...but I won...as I can usually sniff out where anything is in any given store. A trait I feel isn't going to be isolated on any DNA molecule any time soon...and maybe for good reason. Alas. But there was no need to intercept this unsuspecting poor lady and her child anyway, as the Office Depot guy was already running interference...he'd been doing it all day. Everyone in Montgomery was apparently making the pilgrimage to Prattville this weekend to buy these things. Had I been entrepreneurish I would have bought a bunch and sat outside and sold them at triple the price...but as I said earlier, time was of the essence.

So, here we still sit...counting down the hours to go before we are done...and we WILL learn our lesson...at least until next year.


  1. I'm just surprised there was no mention of "Office Depot Guy" trying to sell you a laptop, projector and screen. For some reason I manage to get sucked into this scam (smaller scale, of course) more often than I care to admit. Home Depot has my number for sure.

  2. Nah...no chance of that here...they aren't that customer friendly. ;)

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