Seems Montgomery went to the dogs this weekend and no one even noticed.
There was a dog show this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at the Garrett Coliseum...and by the looks of it at the time that I went...no one got the word. And I went when they judged the dogs...you'd have figured the biggest turnout would have been then. It was the three of us and 7 other people...all the rest were associated with the contestants themselves it seems.
Is it any wonder? I didn't see it advertised in Petsmart, Pet Supplies Plus, the news channels...and I can't speak for the paper as I didn't look in it. How I found out about it was a banner strung up on the corner of Redland Road and Rte 231 at the gas station there. That's it...I didn't see it anywhere else...and I almost forgot about it, until today. Seems I wasn't alone...and it's a pity as it was free admission. Not too many things you can do that are out of the ordinary, legal and family-oriented that are free nowadays. And this was definitely one of them.
Okay, so it wasn't the Westminster Dog Show...CNN wasn't in attendance..."Rufus" the Bull Terrier wasn't in attendance...and if he were, no one would have known. You see...there was no announcer calling out information like "This is Grand Champion Master Snozzle of Arcadia Land of Pretoria...also known as Snozzy...he's a Hungarian Puli and is being handled by Kay Lemming...the proud owners being Dr. Tom Katzenberg and his wife, Missy". So...the dogs and their handlers went around the little arena while the side arena's tape was being pulled up. Distractions were noteworthy here...seeing as this was my first "show"...I'm not certain if they are in the larger shows. Something tells me the Department of Corrections guys walking around in their white uniforms are not standard at Westminster's show. The only standards you will see there are of the Poodle, et. al., variety. But this one wasn't that snobby.
No one balked as we came in during the presentation of the Working Group class of dogs...and we went up straight to the judging area to stand around to see the dogs. No one asked us for credentials...no one asked if we had a hidden cat in our pocket to disrupt the goings-on...no one from the media panned on us when we walked in thinking we "were someone". The only cameras I saw were more of the cell phone variety...and the "Best of Show" ribbon looked like it was chewed on by the previous winner.
But there were fancy dog breeds there...not just some guy and his Labrador mix and some woman who tried to look like Paris Hilton carting her ratdog around talking to it. Okay...there was this one woman who was talking baby-talk to her Chihuahua...but she was very nice and stopped to chat with us a while. And people were primping their Shih Tzu's and poofing out their Poodles...hairspray and combs were flying frantically as this was, by all accounts, a real dog show...and the people and dogs took it seriously. There were breeds of dogs as diverse as Schipperke, Saluki, and even a Hairless Chinese Crested...oh get your mind out of the gutter...it's a DOG. Maybe if they would have played that angle up...it would have had a bigger turnout. Perhaps next year they'll get a bit creative with the advertising and we'll see this: "Bitches galore and Mexican Hairlesses...all under ONE roof!" Now THAT might pack them in...even if they eventually find out they're just a bunch of "dogs".
But try explaining that one to the wife and see if you still don't end up in the doghouse.
A Bit About Me
- Mariann Simms
- Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".