A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

04 April 2015

I Don't Love Lucy

I had some fun tonight.  I don't know how many of you saw the article online which was petitioning the town Lucille Ball grew up in to have a "likeness" of her removed.  It is a bronze sculpture of the beloved "I Love Lucy" star who seems to be holding what looks to be a fifth of gin and a spoon to ladle it down with.  While that line is [sort of] from "My Fair Lady"...the statue certainly is not a fair lady by any means.

I realize it probably is Lucy from one of her iconic episodes in which she shows up at Ricky's show after she schemes her way into the good graces of the station manager in order to do a live, on-air commercial for "Vitameatavegamin" - a tonic which will "pep you up" - but is mostly alcohol.  It's quite a riotous display of her comedic tongue-twisting ability.  Ability is something which this sculptor, Dave Poulin, seems highly lacking.

Please don't get me wrong...I can't even draw a proper stick figure and all my "saw-blade" Christmas trees I'd been forced to make out of construction paper, paste, and glitter each year in grade school for my parents could never look the same on both sides.  I am not, and never will be...artistic.  But...I can tell crap when I see it.  I saw a lot of it just a few minutes ago.

Out of sheer curiosity, I looked up this guy...as the article did say the man responsible for starting the brouhaha over the statue, stated
he "didn't want to disparage the artist's entire body of work, saying Poulin has other works that are quite good, but this one needs to go."  So, I Google'd.  I figured there must be some mistake...like maybe the bronze mold blew a gasket or something...or, more than likely, someone made up an April Fool's Day thing and it took a couple days to get going.

It wasn't.

Click after click on his "Dave Poulin Sculptor" website -- I was more mortified than the last.  I decided I would start naming each one - and while I was copy/pasting each photo to my Facebook account, I titled each one.  One of my friends asked me to make a blog with all of them in one fell swoop, and I am duly obliging.  I honestly was laughing at some of my titles...which is rare for me to do.  I don't sit around maniacally laughing at my own stuff as some people probably think I do.  I do it rarely.  I laughed a few times with these...and, with any luck, you will, too.  (I hope Mr. Poulin has a sense of humour.)

I'm just going to copy/paste my stuff over from my Facebook page without cleaning it up or editing it...so you can see the spontaneity.  I was churning thee out like a madman...or madwoman, as the case may be. 
(Please click on each image to view it larger and in all its glory...cough, cough.)

I call this one "Boo!" Scary monster child frightens woman to death. This is done by the same guy who did that horrid Lucille Ball sculpture that her town is trying to get removed.

 I call this one "Attack of the Zombie Soldier"...

I call this one "Zombie Guy":

I call this one..."Help! My head's on backwards!"

 I call this one..."Stretch Armstrong" (you have to be old like me to remember the toy)...

 The side of the one above - which I now call "Terror in Central Park"...

 I call this one..."Shoulda drowned"...

I call this one "Your Number's Up". Hopefully this "artist's" number is up, too. Seriously - these are horrible.
ROFL - I thought that was her foot without a shoe for a minute there. Whew! I think it's just leaves. So I shall call this one, "In the book it says...206 bones in the human body and the sculptor didn't give me one of them"...

Geez - they keep on coming - I swear to God - they don't end. This guy must not sleep!

This one I call "Don't Ask, Don't Tell Where the Hell You Saw It...'Cause I Ain't Going There To See It!"

(My friend said this - I swear I was having a dialogue with another human being - I just don't talk to myself randomly on Facebook -- you know, not that much.  She said:  Well if you make a post please tag me in it! I've got to drag myself to bed but I will share as soon as I get up lol)

Calling this one: "Thank God I don't See the Front of This"...

I call this one..."Is that a goat-dog hybrid? Seriously...WTF IS that he's dragging?"

I call this one, "Shit...I looked at the Solar Eclipse!"

This one? "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Horror Park -- A Tale Too Frightening for Mark Twain to Ever Write"...

This one I call..."Dude...Get Back...I Think I Just Shit a Turtle!"...

 This one...I call..."Whoa...a Magic Bong!"

(I showed this to my son after this exchange and he said I labeled too many as "zombies" -- but I'm thinking this guy could sell a lot of  these things in a niche market looking for zombie statuary.  Seriously...people buy a lot of zombie stuff.)

This one is..."Zombie With Shovel"...

This one looks quite good...I call it "Got Someone Else To Sculpt It For Me"...

Last one. I call this one: "Village of the Damned" (If you saw the film you will understand.)...
Well, there you have it.  That was my "Facebook Entertainment" for tonite.

Sorry about the formatting...for some odd reason it kept disappearing things when I reformatted and went back to centering and spacing issues and all sorts of things.  Due to the high number of photos I copied/pasted and all the Facebook stuff I copy/pasted, I'm not going to risk it.  I'll try to clean it up in a new blog...but I'll have to go into the source HTML code and sometimes that's just really a pain.  I might just center everything and call it a day.  (I had wine and haven't slept yet - so, technically this is still my nite.)

Here's a link to the original story:  I Love Lucy Statue


  1. OK, some of those that aren't supposed to resemble anyone in particular are interesting. But the one that's supposed to be Lucille Ball doesn't look even slightly like her. It looks a little like Don Draper from Mad Men in drag, maybe - NOT Lucille Ball. Geez.

  2. What is sad, is because of articles like this, Don Poulin quit sculpting. He died in Juje 2020 at age 59.

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