A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

01 April 2015

Dam It, Already!

The Colorado Dam Commission (CDC) has instituted an amendment to ban the use of the word "dam" at all of its structures.  This applies also to the use of the words in all of its brochures, signs, and websites.

The case "Somerset Vs. the State of Colorado" has set a legal precedent, which, if passed, will open the floodgates to the term "dam" being stricken from all U.S. river landmarks.

Georgina Somerset said she was upset over the recent expulsion of her six-year-old daughter, Regina, from school after using the word "dam" repeatedly.  The Colorado school district of Boulder has a strict "no curse" policy.  When her daughter recently went on a family trip during Spring break, she had seen 13 of the 14 dams in Colorado.

"It was a learning experience for us all." stated Mrs. Somerset, whose family embarked on the trip traversing about 750 miles in total.  "We saw nearly every single one, and during the trip we all sang a song about dams that my husband, Tim, made up to keep the kids entertained.  Tim's always making up songs when we go places and we all sing them.  We sang, 'Fourteen dams in Colorado, fourteen dams on our trip...pass one by and what do you get?  Thirteen dams in Colorado'."  It was sung to the tune of 'Ninety-nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall'.  We had hoped to see them all, but car trouble cut short our trip to the last one."
When little Regina returned to school on Monday, she was singing the song during art class, coloring away, when the teacher told her it was wrong to say that word.  First grade teacher, Ms. Lazenby, said, "I didn't think much of it, in fact, I kinda stifled a laugh.  But I quietly told her not to say that word and I thought that was the end of it."

But it was not.  Three of her classmates, who were not identified because of their age, told their parents, who promptly made calls to the Boulder Colorado Board of Education demanding that six-year-old Regina be suspended from school pending further notice.

Boulder Colorado School Superintendent, Miles Ramey stated, "We had no choice.  We have a strict "no cursing" policy in our school district and we had to adhere to it.  Because Regina repeatedly mentioned the word 'dam' we had to count each time as an offense and our only recourse was expulsion.  It is of no consequence that she meant the word 'dam' and not 'damn'.  We have no proof the parents made up this song on the trip.  They could just be fabricating this after the fact.  Regina used the word 'dam' or 'damn' and we can't make an exception for one child and penalize another -- we have to adhere to the same rule for all."

Regina's parents, Georgina and Timothy Somerset, have filed a petition against the state of Colorado to change the word so they can have their daughter reinstated in school and have it removed from her record.  Their attorney, Aaron Greenburg, stated, "We have filed a motion for the state of Colorado to rescind the use of the word 'dam' and change it to another word which is not easily mistaken for a curse word.  Some words on our suggested list are 'dorge' (a combination of 'dam' and 'gorge') and 'rivam', (a combination of the words 'river' and 'dam').  I am confident this law will pass.  I remember getting my mouth washed out with soap on quite a few occasions when I said the word 'dam' as well.  I think we all remember such things and the backing of people on Georgina's Facebook page, 'Dam it already!' has had over 130,000 'likes'."

As for little Regina, she just remembers the trip was fun.  "It was fun.  My brothers got to pee-pee off the side of each dam, but Mommy and me had to go behind the car.  It wasn't fair."

Yes, things are not always fair, Regina.  You certainly know that for certain now.