A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

23 August 2008

More Olympic Musings aka Olympic Musings II

Some more Olympic meanderings...

It seems to me that it isn't the safest job in the world to be the guy who stands out in the field while they throw the discus, hammer or javelin. The shot put doesn't seem to be that terrible - but that discus seems it could go anywhere...even hitting one of the people running by who are doing the other events. All that guy has to do is get some vertigo or trip up while he's spinning around to toss it and it ends up walloping someone in the head. No thanks...I'll stick to being the gymnastics "bar spotter" (oh go read my first part).

Then I present to you - two multi-part Olympic events and my thoughts regarding them...

Triathlon: A competition comprised of three events. The events and official distance for them is thus: 1.5 km swim (almost a mile), a 40 km (almost 25 miles) cycle and a 10 km (over 6 miles) run. (Yes, I added the feet in because I just can't fathom what the distance is without feet, yards and miles involved...I am metric impaired.)

Decathlon: A competition of ten events - broken out below.

Day 1:

100 meters (328 feet)
Long Jump
Shot Put
High Jump
400 meters (1312 feet)

Day 2:

110 meter hurdles
Pole Vault
1500 meters (almost a mile)

So, the way I figure it - the Decathlete has it way easier. When you add up all those distances - they don't even jump, run or throw anywhere near the distance the Triathelete does - yet they get all the glory - PLUS they do it in two days instead of back-to-back-to-back like the Triatheletes. Where is the justice? How many Triatheletes have you ever seen on a Wheaties box? How many can you name? There...my point is now made. :) Now just for fun, a bonus question: How many Heptathlon winners can you name? Again...my point exactly.

More random stuff that popped out of my head...

The Steeplechase: Typically this seems like a race a horse should be doing...you go over the same type of obstacles - the gates don't flop over like hurdles do - so you can actually vault off them with your foot if you really wanted instead of clearing them totally...plus there's also a water jump...like the horses do. Seems either the horse event or the human even should be retitled...or at the very least make the human competitors carry a small monkey on their backs or something. I'm betting it would get a lot more NBC coverage if they added the monkeys.

Sports vs Competitions: There are a lot of events at the Olympics which seem to get peoples' ire up over the single fact they don't consider them a "sport" per se. Now...one can contest this until the cows come home, which, incidentally, is not any event IN the Olympics that I know of. Some people have been telling me that Women's Rhythmic Gymnastics - you know the one with the ball, ribbon or hula hoop type things...is not a sport. I counter with "well, Beach Volleyball isn't a sport either" - my justification volley (yeah, that was meant as a pun) goes something like this: "How can that be an Olympic sport? I mean...[possible] time outs for "desanding", wearing hats backwards and playing "Who Let the Dogs Out?" between volleys? That last one alone should disqualify it."

My friend and I were talking about clarification of what exactly constitutes the events that are in the Olympics and are some actually not sports? I told him I thought it might be like that Wide World of Sports voiceover would always say "The human drama of athletic competition..." Merriam-Webster Online defines "sport" as: 1 a: a source of diversion : recreation b: sexual play c (1): physical activity engaged in for pleasure (2): a particular activity (as an athletic game) so engaged in. Even watching Olympics late nite...I've never seen anything they televised remotely coming close to that "b" one (at least not on NBC). So, while some things are clearly sports...using teams and balls...some are clear winner one-against-one...such as races and archery and such...and some are scored against others you are still competing against even though you aren't competing against them at the same time...such as gymnastics, diving and ice skating. So that got me trying to find out exactly what the Olympic's basis for allowing a sport/event - and while I didn't find any real 'cut and dried' criteria, I did find this if you are interested:
Lots of rules regarding the Olympics. No word yet on Olympic dart throwing and NASCAR.

And while we were talking on the phone, the marathon was run and diving resumed...and I mentioned how great Greg Louganis was and how remiss I was for leaving him out of my "all-time favourites" list in my last blogumn. Ironically, as soon as I mentioned him, Visa featured him in a commercial. That man could dive and I got to see him in the 1988 Seoul, Korea Olympics...in fact I have photos of him in the preliminaries (I didn't get to see him in the finals) and I was there when he hit his head on the diving board...and he STILL managed to win
gold in the end. Best diver ever. Ever.

And is it just me but does the "Bird's Nest" stadium remind anyone else of one of those giant rubber band balls? At some angles it also looks like it's Duck (duct) Tape...which would be apropos because...well, a duck IS a bird.

Maybe more later...


  1. well, according to the definition you gave, sex should be an Olympic sport :)

  2. Yes...someone caught that. I was wondering if anyone would. :)