A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

09 May 2006

To Sleep, Perchance to Drive...

"I don't remember...I don't recall...I got no memory of anything...anything at all." Three of you out there might recollect these lyrics from Peter Gabriel's "I Don't Remember" song...or maybe this will just be a prophetic legal defense in the future. And then a class-action lawsuit begins and I will never sleep again as "Sanofi-Aventis" goes out of business.

"Sanofi-Aventis" is a French-based pharmaceutical company, maker of 'the stuff that dreams are made of'...Ambien...altho I don't remember ever dreaming while ON Ambien. Hmmmmmm... Of the 26 million prescriptions that were filled last year in this country alone, a very small percentage claim they've done things like raided the refrigerator, had sex, and even driven around in their Ambien "coma", completely unaware...only to find out later on...usually when someone tells them. And once these lawsuits get going, you can bet that tons more people will suddenly "remember" that they've also done these things...and jump on the proverbial bandwagon.

My doctors tried to get me to try Ambien for a good four years before I finally consented...and only after I spoke with several people whose opinion I valued; I even perused the message boards before I started my nitely Ambien regimen. The commentary there read straight out of a Hitchcock film..."I only took half a tablet, I got up in the middle of the nite and hit my head on the sink and went back to bed...I didn't realize it until the next day when I woke up". "I had sex with my husband and he said it was the best ever...I don't remember it at all"...well, that's what we all say when we do things we ordinarily wouldn't...so I took that one rather skeptically. "I ate the raw chicken in my fridge...and I messed up the whole kitchen...this was the first time I took Ambien, too...maybe I should take a lower dosage because I must admit I slept quite well." The posts went on and on...even more entries than when I did a search for "transmission replacement for a '96 Dodge Grand Caravan". Reluctantly, I took my pill and got sleepy for the first time in my life...it was nearly heaven on Earth and I had met my maker...thank you...or should I say "merci am...bien", Sanofi-Aventis.

Now my prediction which I've been predicting for ages after reading all those comments years ago...which, because of all the hoopla going on lately...I'm figuring it's only a matter of days...Ambien daze...away, before someone kills someone and then blames it on the drug. Ambien is a hypnotic drug class...an amnesia-inducing effect if you will...that's why so many people who do wake up have no resulting memory of the events...you are in a trancelike state kinda like sleepwalking. A case which stands out in my mind, which I am sure is going to be found somewhat relevant in a future "homicide by Ambien" trial, is one I heard ages ago on one of those Dateline-type shows. A man, Kenneth Parks, got up in the middle of the nite, sleepwalked out to his car and sleepdrove to his in-laws, stabbed his mother-in-law to death and physically assaulted his father-in-law...then got back into his car, noticed blood and cuts on his hands and turned himself into the police stating he thought he "might have killed some people". He was later acquitted of all charges based on something known as "homicidal somnambulism". He's also not the only person who has killed and 'sleep'walked off scot-free.

So, while a goodly portion of people swallow down their pills tonite...I'm wondering if some legal team's dream jury will someday soon swallow an Ambien-induced murder.


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  2. Ah, yes.... reminds me of the several IM conversations I've had with you after I took an Ambien, and completely failed to go straight to bed afterwards, which the instructions clearly tell you to do.

    1) I blame this entirely on you.

    2) I vehemently deny everything you CLAIM that I said.