Well...tornado season is upon us once again...if it isn't "officially" here...I doubt it's going to much listen. Tornadoes rather have a will of their own...unfortunately. And unfortunately there's not much humour in them...but I try to look at things with a slant towards the absurd and comedic, so I'll do my best to put them in this perspective...not the tornadoes per se, but my actions.
Out here in Wetumpka, the sirens were going off...and my weather alarm was quite the busy bee. Oh...you don't HAVE a weather alarm??? Apparently you are NOT from not around here, are you? I confess...I am from New Jersey...yes, the secret is out...but I've been living here for the past 15 years...15 years in utter fear for my life....from tornadoes. A little back history...we don't get many tornadoes in New Jersey. The most we get are hurricanes. Well, okay...we get a LOT of snow...that's a whole different thing...and another blog one day. It kinda goes like this: "Hurricane is coming...get out." Two days later: "Seriously...we mean it...the hurricane is coming...we strongly advise you get out." Another day passes: "Okay...it's like a category 4...put down your drinks and evacuate now or we aren't coming back to save you." Of course, they'd use choice words...but I'm toning it down as this is an "official" type of blog...but feel free to embellish.
So...let's all relive my first "Tornado Watch" experience, shall we? It goes something like this....
My fascination with the Weather Channel (did I mention Jim Cantore...okay, good, I didn't think so)...probably started with a tornado watch. Here I am sitting here all content as the sun is out and the flowers are blooming and all of a sudden they mention this thing called a "tornado watch". Well...having never lived here, that sounds pretty darned ominous...it DOES have the word "tornado" in it, after all. Plus no one ever told me that nearly every day during the spring/summer/half the fall - it's a given...you are under a tornado watch. It's the warnings you have to watch for...ironically. So, here I am...getting out my masking tape...putting little X's on my windows that even The X-Files' Fox Mulder would be proud of (another blog to come)...and shuffling my son (didn't have my daughter yet) into the semi-sunken bathtub we have in the back bathroom...as we don't have a cellar/basement. Why we don't have one I'll never know...we are at the top of the ridge of the hill overlooking Montgomery...if we flood...everyone's doomed. Okay...back on track...I got out a blanket, cowered in a fetal position, and waited patiently the WHOLE entire time the "watch" was scheduled. Do you have any idea how long they typically schedule watches for? HOURS. Yes...hours we sat all huddled in my makeshift "bomb-shelter". It wasn't until days later that it dawned on me to actually check to find out the difference between "watch" and "warning".
And don't let that photo fool you...I'm not an actual blonde. ;)
A Bit About Me
- Mariann Simms
- Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".