A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

26 March 2006

Rex, 'Files', and Videotape

"What? You HAVEN'T watched 'The X-Files'??" or "I have to go, 'The X-Files' is about to come on." Oh, if I had a dollar for every time someone said that to me during its nine year run...I'd have at least...well...almost enough to buy their first season's DVD set. But I was never a follower...and I wasn't about to start watching it when it became a phenomenal hit...plus the fact it was on FOX...but that's a whole other thing. You remember the craze if you were breathing, I'm sure.

Them: "David Duchovny aka Fox Mulder is sooooooooo hot...the show is soooo good...you have to watch."

Me: "Oh, he is NOT...oh, I caught part of one once - it was stupid...and I do NOT!"

That was my retort each and every time someone brought it up. Then the show was cancelled. End of story...right? Wrong. Fast forward to me, in my insomniac state, clicking thru the channels...a virtual wasteland of mindless drivel on each one of my HBOs...AMC showing some 1970s movie WITH commercials, TLC, A&E, and Discovery have all gone "infomercial" at 2:00 a.m., I'm not real fond of watching a rerun of "Megastructures" on The History Channel...and I don't like the gangster film on TCM. What am I going to do? Okay...what's on the Sci-Fi channel? Hmmm..."The X-Files". Well, it's safe to watch it NOW...no one's watching it anymore...that's why it's ON the Sci-Fi channel at 2:00 a.m. Let me see what all that fervour was about. I must confess, usually I give a show two tries before I discount it...I only gave "The X-Files" a half a chance.

My impression of myself watching it that first nite (which should be pretty easy to do because I do a bang up impression of myself, if I say so myself)...it went something like this:

Okay...well, this seems okay, they are investigating a murder...a strange murder. Hey, this isn't half bad. Hmmm...the guy who wrote this can write. Wow...they have a kind of chemistry. This is actually rather good. Whoa...Duchovny IS hot! How did THAT happen? Must be his personality coming thru the screen or something. Let's see...oooh, another episode is on FOX channel at 3:00! Okay...this must be "the smoking man" I've heard tell about. Hey, THIS one was good, too. Lookie here...yet another episode on TNT! But darn...they all flip-flop around more than Kerry during a Presidential race. Shoot, they are actually sequential...what am I to do???


I have the DVD of "My Fair Lady"...(bear with me...this actually has a sequence as well)...I've never watched it. BUT when it comes on AMC the obligatory 23+ times a year...I watch it nearly every single time...it's an event...like the Ascot races...it's ON TV and I'm not going to miss it! Yet, there lies my DVD languishing in its little pristine case. I'm not the only person I know who does this, by the way...I've spoken to many. They buy DVDs and never ever watch them. It's like a nice false sense of security...a power trip: "I can take you down off the shelf and watch you any time I wish...bwaaahaaahaaaaaa! And DON'T you forget it! I OWN you!"

Did I mention "The X-Files" ran for nine seasons? I thought so...I'm mentioning it again. So, off I go to the store to purchase the first season of it. I figure, in my naivete...$30 a pop, tops. Geez...are these people kidding...they are $60 a set! AND disc set one isn't available...I'm not going to start it off waching season two. Okay...I'll check Circuit City or somewhere tomorrow.

A few days later...and now much MUCH more into "The X-Files", as they play it back-to-back on three different channels practically each nite...I am, for lack of a better word...'X-tremely' hooked on this show. And David's (yes, I'm on a first name basis with him now) getting hotter by the minute. I MUST find season one...I must, I WILL shell out the $60 for it, I will!

Enter Best Buy. WHAT???? $96 for it??? The price shot up over $30 in the span of a week...all I gotta say is those X-Files people owe me a bunch for making it THIS popular THIS quickly. No way am I going to pay...okay, let me do the math...(I've always liked English much better)...$96 x 9...oh geez...it's going to cost me HOW much to watch this show in its entirety??? Oh, they are crazy. I shall go home and lament my fate...doomed to try to piece together a hodgepodge of plots from nine seasons...three different channels...oh...more math...I don't like math. Plus I'll watch them once and they will sit on my shelf with Audrey and Rex...just gathering dust...choruses of "What a fool I was..." echoing thru my brain.

Lo and behold...I am told by a friend that Netflix rents these things. So, I can watch every single episode...as, well, you don't have to be a numismatist...no, that's not right...a numerologist...no, not that either...oh well, a number guy, to figure out...at substantially less cost than buying them.

So, the next time you HAVE to have that boxed set of every single episode of Knight Rider...okay, that might be going for $30 total...not a good example...but of Star Trek, Seinfeld, Friends or Ally McBeal...just how many times are you going to bear repeating them...and at what cost?


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