A Bit About Me
- Mariann Simms
- Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".
23 June 2007
The Best of the Rest...AFI's Top 100 American Films
To borrow a quote from number 31 on the list: 'Movies...the stuff that dreams are made of." Or perhaps it should be the other way around...regardless, the American Film Institute (AFI) just released the list of their idea of what the "Top 100 Movies of All Times" are. Well, at least until they ask 1500 other "above-average movie-goers" to voice their opinion next year when they release the list all over again.
Now, to be fair, according to the article I read from Roger Ebert, he states this voting body was comprised of "1500 filmmakers, critics and historians". Which begs the question - if they are picking "above-average movie-goers" what exactly does this "above-average" refer to? Their IQ, their net worth, the fact they've seen more movies than the "ordinary movie-goer" sees in one year? Well, I personally don't see many first-run movies per year, but this list isn't about "new" films anyway, so I figure that wasn't what they meant...but I'd also figure you'd have to have seen more than a movie or two during your life in order to be qualified to vote. I mean, catching those "films" they show on the Sci-Fi channel, like "Mansquito"...well, I'd venture to say they could do 100 such lists as these, and I doubt that "little gem" would show up on any.
Now, I do some "Top Ten" picking at my interactive comedy website, HumorMeOnline (yes, if I'm nothing else, I'm a master of the segue) and I realize you can give 15, 150 or 1500 people the same exact list of entries to pick from and you will probably never get the same ten picked twice. What I'm trying to say here is that there will always be people who look at this list and go "What??? My Fair Lady didn't make the list!?" Well, that person would be me...but I digress. You are never going to satisfy the majority when the minority are at the helm.
Mr. Ebert did make a comment which I couldn't, in 100 percent certainty, understand completely. I would figure he meant that when he was a teenager and saw (number one ranked) "Citizen Kane" for the first time, his eyes were opened to a whole other world of movies out there...movies that stand the test of time. These are the movies that make you think and have something to say thanks to great writers, actors who portray their characters brilliantly, and cinematography and direction that leave you in awe. Or, at the very least, something you can watch over and over again and see something new each time you do...or when you watch it years later...a whole different layer to appreciate is revealed.
Now, I haven't seen all the films on this list and some I could have easily knocked off...oh, say, "Titanic", and replaced with others...such as "V for Vendetta" and "Pan's Labyrinth" (which isn't an American film). Yes, "Titanic" did wow you with the effects...but I must admit...the entire time...I was rather hoping Jack (Leonardo DiCaprio) would just hurry up and drown already. Furthermore I think that if there HAD to be a Titanic-based film on the list, "A Night to Remember" (1958), would be my choice...altho I doubt it would even have make my list. Plus, again, it's not American and wouldn't qualify...so it's a moot point. And if I were to pick a Bruce Willis film (and I do like Bruce Willis as an actor...I think he's highly underrated) it wouldn't have been The Sixth Sense...it would have been "Twelve Monkeys"...altho he also managed to show here with "Pulp Fiction", which I still adore as a film.
I am also very glad to see that "Sullivan's Travels" made this list. I don't know how many other times in the past that it has, but I can count the number of people I know who have seen this film on one hand...and possibly one finger. "Bringing Up Baby", an over-the-top screwball comedy from 1938 made it...and while I adore Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn both, I cannot help wondering why 1936's "My Man Godfrey", equally as madcap, but better in my opinion, didn't. In fact, I had to watch "Bringing Up Baby" a few times before I could really appreciate it...and even now, I appreciate "My Man Godfrey" more.
And "Some Like It Hot", voted AFI's #1 "Funniest American Movies of All Time" in 2000, had a pitiful showing on this list, coming in 22nd. That movie only gets better each and every time I watch it...and I am rightfully embarrassed telling you how many times that has been. Even "It's a Wonderful Life" and "The Graduate" should have placed much higher if you ask me...and while I can appreciate the acerbic wit and impeccable timing of Groucho Marx, I cannot really sit thru a Marx Brothers film and see what all the fuss was about. Zaniness? Yes. One liners from Groucho funny? You bet your life. Chico's inimitable hilarious misuse of the English language? Brilliant indeed! But while all of them stand on their own...to me they don't exactly gel when you throw them into the movie mix. Even playwright George S. Kaufman had an issue with their antics, and according to the Internet Movie Database, walked up to them during a rehearsal of "Animal Crackers" and remarked, "Excuse me for interrupting, but I thought for a minute I actually heard a line I wrote". Now, that movie didn't make this list, but this Kaufman quote did validate my dislike for their all-too-silliness.
Again, this is a list comprised by 1500 people and not my own self, so I know there are going to be some picks on there I agree with and some I am completely baffled by...but that's really not what the point of this list is. I do feel, as Roger Ebert also stated in not so many words, that coming out with this list perhaps introduces people to movies they ordinarily wouldn't have ever thought of viewing and especially of films that were made long before the majority of us were born. In fact, the earliest film I see on this AFI list is from 1916...D.W. Griffith's "Intolerance"...a subject he was not all too unfamiliar with, having filmed the highly controversial (then and especially now) "Birth of a Nation" the year before.
And, perhaps it might be a fitting way to end this blog saying that even though we don't agree with the films on this list...we just might need to be a little more tolerant of the choices.
Now, to be fair, according to the article I read from Roger Ebert, he states this voting body was comprised of "1500 filmmakers, critics and historians". Which begs the question - if they are picking "above-average movie-goers" what exactly does this "above-average" refer to? Their IQ, their net worth, the fact they've seen more movies than the "ordinary movie-goer" sees in one year? Well, I personally don't see many first-run movies per year, but this list isn't about "new" films anyway, so I figure that wasn't what they meant...but I'd also figure you'd have to have seen more than a movie or two during your life in order to be qualified to vote. I mean, catching those "films" they show on the Sci-Fi channel, like "Mansquito"...well, I'd venture to say they could do 100 such lists as these, and I doubt that "little gem" would show up on any.
Now, I do some "Top Ten" picking at my interactive comedy website, HumorMeOnline (yes, if I'm nothing else, I'm a master of the segue) and I realize you can give 15, 150 or 1500 people the same exact list of entries to pick from and you will probably never get the same ten picked twice. What I'm trying to say here is that there will always be people who look at this list and go "What??? My Fair Lady didn't make the list!?" Well, that person would be me...but I digress. You are never going to satisfy the majority when the minority are at the helm.
Mr. Ebert did make a comment which I couldn't, in 100 percent certainty, understand completely. I would figure he meant that when he was a teenager and saw (number one ranked) "Citizen Kane" for the first time, his eyes were opened to a whole other world of movies out there...movies that stand the test of time. These are the movies that make you think and have something to say thanks to great writers, actors who portray their characters brilliantly, and cinematography and direction that leave you in awe. Or, at the very least, something you can watch over and over again and see something new each time you do...or when you watch it years later...a whole different layer to appreciate is revealed.
Now, I haven't seen all the films on this list and some I could have easily knocked off...oh, say, "Titanic", and replaced with others...such as "V for Vendetta" and "Pan's Labyrinth" (which isn't an American film). Yes, "Titanic" did wow you with the effects...but I must admit...the entire time...I was rather hoping Jack (Leonardo DiCaprio) would just hurry up and drown already. Furthermore I think that if there HAD to be a Titanic-based film on the list, "A Night to Remember" (1958), would be my choice...altho I doubt it would even have make my list. Plus, again, it's not American and wouldn't qualify...so it's a moot point. And if I were to pick a Bruce Willis film (and I do like Bruce Willis as an actor...I think he's highly underrated) it wouldn't have been The Sixth Sense...it would have been "Twelve Monkeys"...altho he also managed to show here with "Pulp Fiction", which I still adore as a film.
I am also very glad to see that "Sullivan's Travels" made this list. I don't know how many other times in the past that it has, but I can count the number of people I know who have seen this film on one hand...and possibly one finger. "Bringing Up Baby", an over-the-top screwball comedy from 1938 made it...and while I adore Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn both, I cannot help wondering why 1936's "My Man Godfrey", equally as madcap, but better in my opinion, didn't. In fact, I had to watch "Bringing Up Baby" a few times before I could really appreciate it...and even now, I appreciate "My Man Godfrey" more.
And "Some Like It Hot", voted AFI's #1 "Funniest American Movies of All Time" in 2000, had a pitiful showing on this list, coming in 22nd. That movie only gets better each and every time I watch it...and I am rightfully embarrassed telling you how many times that has been. Even "It's a Wonderful Life" and "The Graduate" should have placed much higher if you ask me...and while I can appreciate the acerbic wit and impeccable timing of Groucho Marx, I cannot really sit thru a Marx Brothers film and see what all the fuss was about. Zaniness? Yes. One liners from Groucho funny? You bet your life. Chico's inimitable hilarious misuse of the English language? Brilliant indeed! But while all of them stand on their own...to me they don't exactly gel when you throw them into the movie mix. Even playwright George S. Kaufman had an issue with their antics, and according to the Internet Movie Database, walked up to them during a rehearsal of "Animal Crackers" and remarked, "Excuse me for interrupting, but I thought for a minute I actually heard a line I wrote". Now, that movie didn't make this list, but this Kaufman quote did validate my dislike for their all-too-silliness.
Again, this is a list comprised by 1500 people and not my own self, so I know there are going to be some picks on there I agree with and some I am completely baffled by...but that's really not what the point of this list is. I do feel, as Roger Ebert also stated in not so many words, that coming out with this list perhaps introduces people to movies they ordinarily wouldn't have ever thought of viewing and especially of films that were made long before the majority of us were born. In fact, the earliest film I see on this AFI list is from 1916...D.W. Griffith's "Intolerance"...a subject he was not all too unfamiliar with, having filmed the highly controversial (then and especially now) "Birth of a Nation" the year before.
And, perhaps it might be a fitting way to end this blog saying that even though we don't agree with the films on this list...we just might need to be a little more tolerant of the choices.
13 June 2007
Nursery Crimes
I think I'll go and sue my elementary school, Mother Goose, and those incredibly morbid writers, Hans Christian Anderson and The Brothers Grimm. Why? Perhaps on some strange subconscious level they are responsible for any depression I'm feeling...or will ever feel.
"Oh, but you're over exaggerating" you are collectively saying. Well, then, let me just give you a little back history on my wonderful "growing up" care-free happy days of yore...
But first, yes, there's always a reason behind why we think of things...don't let anyone tell you there isn't. I was doing things around the house and singing gleefully out of tune like I always, always do, when something in my head harkened back to "The Farmer in the Dell"...and WHY exactly was it that the poor cheese had to stand alone? Was it Limburger? So, I, being silly, asked my daughter just that, who, to my dismay, never heard of this well-known ditty we always sung and played when I was in Kindergarten. Who can't forget ending up being that pathetic little cheese? Rather like being the last one called for kickball or always being the first one "out" when you played dodgeball...and never winning Musical Chairs. Dodgeball, skinned knees and overly depressing songs...ah, the wondrous memories of my youth.
I scurried over to the computer and brought up Google to see why exactly that cheese stood alone, I mean if Google isn't going to have it, no one will. But, alas, it was just a bunch of silly conjecture and I didn't get a real answer. Perhaps I was overanalyzing it all...but wait...then it dawned on me: We sang some pretty darned depressing songs...and my daughter never sang them. Is it because they've all been phased out of school because they'd get sued nowadays if they sung them? Well, if I had to sing about drownings and death...well, by golly, she should, too! In fact, as my daughter commented, "Wasn't your favourite song from school that "Molly Malone, cockles and mussels, ghost wheeling a barrow" one? Why, yes, yes indeed. Back to Google we went.
So, we had a grand time singing songs that formed me from a nice happy-go-lucky child to the person I am today, a cynical overly-depressed hypochondriac. Oh, c'mon, I'm joking here! But take a look at some excerpts from songs and passages from poems and stories that are to blame (I'll include a clickable link in case you wanted to see them in their entirety). And, yes, we did indeed sing and read these...all before third grade.
Cockles and Mussels
She died of a fever, and no one could save her
And that was the end of sweet Molly Malone
But her ghost wheels her barrow
Through streets broad and narrow
Crying cockles and mussels, alive, alive-O!
Alive, alive-O! alive, alive-O!
Crying cockles and mussels, alive, alive-O!
My Darling Clementine
Ruby lips above the water
Blowing bubbles soft and fine
But, alas, I was no swimmer
So I lost my Clementine
My Bonnie
Last night as I lay on my pillow,
Last night as I lay on my bed,
Last night as I lay on my pillow,
I dreamed that my Bonnie was dead.
And let us not forget those kindly nursery rhymes...
Ding Dong Bell
Ding, dong, bell,
Pussy's in the well!
Who put her in?
Little Tommy Green.
Who pulled her out?
Big Johnny Stout.
What a naughty boy was that,
To drown poor pussy-cat,
Who never did him any harm,
But killed the mice in his father's barn!
There Was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children, she didn't know what to do.
She gave them some broth without any bread.
Then whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.
And don't get me started on the REAL version of The Little Mermaid and the sick, sick, sick story of The Little Match Girl, let alone Hansel and Gretel. Talk about the stuff that nightmares are made of. And you know what else freaked me out as a kid? That little prayer that goes... "If I should die before I wake???" What AREN'T you telling me here, Mom???
Lastly, I don't buy the "false" claim on the history/origin of this one, but I'll include it...I'll always think it was about "The Black Death". Anyway, again, this is just another testament to how we sang songs of horror...and you know what? We LIKED it! But, sssh...don't tell my lawyer that.
Ring Around the Rosey (Rosie)
"Oh, but you're over exaggerating" you are collectively saying. Well, then, let me just give you a little back history on my wonderful "growing up" care-free happy days of yore...
But first, yes, there's always a reason behind why we think of things...don't let anyone tell you there isn't. I was doing things around the house and singing gleefully out of tune like I always, always do, when something in my head harkened back to "The Farmer in the Dell"...and WHY exactly was it that the poor cheese had to stand alone? Was it Limburger? So, I, being silly, asked my daughter just that, who, to my dismay, never heard of this well-known ditty we always sung and played when I was in Kindergarten. Who can't forget ending up being that pathetic little cheese? Rather like being the last one called for kickball or always being the first one "out" when you played dodgeball...and never winning Musical Chairs. Dodgeball, skinned knees and overly depressing songs...ah, the wondrous memories of my youth.
I scurried over to the computer and brought up Google to see why exactly that cheese stood alone, I mean if Google isn't going to have it, no one will. But, alas, it was just a bunch of silly conjecture and I didn't get a real answer. Perhaps I was overanalyzing it all...but wait...then it dawned on me: We sang some pretty darned depressing songs...and my daughter never sang them. Is it because they've all been phased out of school because they'd get sued nowadays if they sung them? Well, if I had to sing about drownings and death...well, by golly, she should, too! In fact, as my daughter commented, "Wasn't your favourite song from school that "Molly Malone, cockles and mussels, ghost wheeling a barrow" one? Why, yes, yes indeed. Back to Google we went.
So, we had a grand time singing songs that formed me from a nice happy-go-lucky child to the person I am today, a cynical overly-depressed hypochondriac. Oh, c'mon, I'm joking here! But take a look at some excerpts from songs and passages from poems and stories that are to blame (I'll include a clickable link in case you wanted to see them in their entirety). And, yes, we did indeed sing and read these...all before third grade.
Cockles and Mussels
She died of a fever, and no one could save her
And that was the end of sweet Molly Malone
But her ghost wheels her barrow
Through streets broad and narrow
Crying cockles and mussels, alive, alive-O!
Alive, alive-O! alive, alive-O!
Crying cockles and mussels, alive, alive-O!
My Darling Clementine
Ruby lips above the water
Blowing bubbles soft and fine
But, alas, I was no swimmer
So I lost my Clementine
My Bonnie
Last night as I lay on my pillow,
Last night as I lay on my bed,
Last night as I lay on my pillow,
I dreamed that my Bonnie was dead.
And let us not forget those kindly nursery rhymes...
Ding Dong Bell
Ding, dong, bell,
Pussy's in the well!
Who put her in?
Little Tommy Green.
Who pulled her out?
Big Johnny Stout.
What a naughty boy was that,
To drown poor pussy-cat,
Who never did him any harm,
But killed the mice in his father's barn!
There Was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children, she didn't know what to do.
She gave them some broth without any bread.
Then whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.
And don't get me started on the REAL version of The Little Mermaid and the sick, sick, sick story of The Little Match Girl, let alone Hansel and Gretel. Talk about the stuff that nightmares are made of. And you know what else freaked me out as a kid? That little prayer that goes... "If I should die before I wake???" What AREN'T you telling me here, Mom???
Lastly, I don't buy the "false" claim on the history/origin of this one, but I'll include it...I'll always think it was about "The Black Death". Anyway, again, this is just another testament to how we sang songs of horror...and you know what? We LIKED it! But, sssh...don't tell my lawyer that.
Ring Around the Rosey (Rosie)
02 June 2007
Cellphone Videoantes
Last week I was at the stop light at intersection of Dalraida Drive and Atlanta Highway in Montgomery. For those of you who don't know the area, it's a spot that has a four-lane highway and a two-way street that, only for the intersection part, branches out into right/left/1 and 2 straight lanes, respectively, and then goes back down to their "allotted" amount of lanes.
Not only is there major congestion there since someone decided it was a brilliant idea to pop a Walgreens Pharmacy right smack on one of the corners, it also has four schools within, I'd say, half a mile of this intersection; three of which are pretty much located within sight distance...even for me...even without corrective lenses.
I routinely go there as I have to cross this intersection to bring/retrieve my daughter to and from school, so the timeframe I'm speaking of is just when all these schools are either starting or letting out. Now I'm no stranger to "creative" driving, God knows I've driven in Philadelphia, LA, New York City, Atlanta, DC, et al, so I've spied a wide variety of "tactics" that people come up with to go that extra pavement inch.
I've also seen people drive and simultaneously talk on cell phones (I think Montgomery, seriously, has got to be the worst...they really need to implement some law here), put on make-up, look at maps, unfold maps, refold maps, read books, drink various beverages; both hot and cold, eat, drive with their knees because both hands were otherwise occupied, and, uh...even bore witness to front-seat "love sessions" a few times...and every combination of those you can think of...but the guy last week literally took the cake.
Not only was he chowing down holding a massive "to-go" styrofoam container with one hand, eating with a fork or spoon with the other, seemingly talking either to himself or on the cellphone...or maybe he was cussing out the guy in front of him for not running the light. Regardless, he was also "knee-driving" thru this same intersection that you really should be devoting at least one iota of your attention to do. I mean, this guy wasn't just juggling a super-hot McD's coffee in one hand and a sausage biscuit in the other...we are talking about balancing a mega-huge container probably laden with food, with that flip-top lid part up no less, virtually blocking whatever windshield view he had, rendering him pretty much "more useless" than he probably is the rest of the day. Think of that iconic portrayal of the little old lady, about 3 feet 5 inches tall, precariously balanced on a stack of five or six phone books...and not those scrawny Wetumpka phonebooks neither...those mega-huge DC kinds, having to scooch forward in order to reach the pedals. Oh, did I mention that even WITH corrective lenses she couldn't see those three schools? Well, add that to the mix and then you'd have a pretty good idea of what this guy seemed like to me.
Anyway, as I sat there at the light biding my time, about three minutes 30 seconds worth of time to be exact (it's a long light)...I watched the routine traffic antics play out and had a brilliantly wicked idea spawned from witnessing "Mr. Styro" shovel food into his face. But first, before I forget...it is always fun to see people try to ignore the fact they've "inadvertently" rolled their 2000 pound hunk of metal into the middle of the road, blocking off two lanes of traffic, and pretending to be totally unaware of the fact. Oh, the faces they make...it's quite comical actually. It's actually some of the best entertainment Montgomery has to offer...oh, c'mon this place isn't exactly the mecca of all things social, so don't fault me for making the most of an otherwise tedious and annoying situation.
But back to sitting there at the light...I envisioned a website run by the authorities where I could take a cellphone shot of this guy (and countless others) and have him duly fined for reckless driving, driving in a school zone without using any hands, failure to use turn signals (heaven knows what appendage he'd have to employ to do that whilst doing all the rest...and something tells me he wasn't THAT talented), and basically being a total idiot. "Sorry, officer, the only way I could think of giving myself the Heimlich maneuver when I was choking on that piece of Kung Pao chicken was to ram my car into the guy in front of me...and guess what? It worked!"
So, I'm almost tempted to at least provide some bandwidth on my own site, HumorMeOnline, to showcase similar boneheads caught in the act of failing to realize that you can also see IN through that same window YOU are supposed to be concentrating seeing out of. The least I could do is post their pictures up on my PhotoLaughs contest and use them for comedy fodder. I've even coined a word I made up describing this whole "regular citizen turned vigilante photocop" - yes, I Googled and no one used it yet...a "Videoante"...being the person who snaps said image of an auto-perpetrator and turns them in.
The only downfall I see to my whole "brilliant" scheme is being snapped in turn by someone else who is also a Videoante...being caught at your own game so to speak. I certainly wouldn't want a whole nation going all suburban/urban über-Paparazzi...and I'm sure there's only so many covert images of guys picking their noses one can take...at least I hope so.
Not only is there major congestion there since someone decided it was a brilliant idea to pop a Walgreens Pharmacy right smack on one of the corners, it also has four schools within, I'd say, half a mile of this intersection; three of which are pretty much located within sight distance...even for me...even without corrective lenses.
I routinely go there as I have to cross this intersection to bring/retrieve my daughter to and from school, so the timeframe I'm speaking of is just when all these schools are either starting or letting out. Now I'm no stranger to "creative" driving, God knows I've driven in Philadelphia, LA, New York City, Atlanta, DC, et al, so I've spied a wide variety of "tactics" that people come up with to go that extra pavement inch.
I've also seen people drive and simultaneously talk on cell phones (I think Montgomery, seriously, has got to be the worst...they really need to implement some law here), put on make-up, look at maps, unfold maps, refold maps, read books, drink various beverages; both hot and cold, eat, drive with their knees because both hands were otherwise occupied, and, uh...even bore witness to front-seat "love sessions" a few times...and every combination of those you can think of...but the guy last week literally took the cake.
Not only was he chowing down holding a massive "to-go" styrofoam container with one hand, eating with a fork or spoon with the other, seemingly talking either to himself or on the cellphone...or maybe he was cussing out the guy in front of him for not running the light. Regardless, he was also "knee-driving" thru this same intersection that you really should be devoting at least one iota of your attention to do. I mean, this guy wasn't just juggling a super-hot McD's coffee in one hand and a sausage biscuit in the other...we are talking about balancing a mega-huge container probably laden with food, with that flip-top lid part up no less, virtually blocking whatever windshield view he had, rendering him pretty much "more useless" than he probably is the rest of the day. Think of that iconic portrayal of the little old lady, about 3 feet 5 inches tall, precariously balanced on a stack of five or six phone books...and not those scrawny Wetumpka phonebooks neither...those mega-huge DC kinds, having to scooch forward in order to reach the pedals. Oh, did I mention that even WITH corrective lenses she couldn't see those three schools? Well, add that to the mix and then you'd have a pretty good idea of what this guy seemed like to me.
Anyway, as I sat there at the light biding my time, about three minutes 30 seconds worth of time to be exact (it's a long light)...I watched the routine traffic antics play out and had a brilliantly wicked idea spawned from witnessing "Mr. Styro" shovel food into his face. But first, before I forget...it is always fun to see people try to ignore the fact they've "inadvertently" rolled their 2000 pound hunk of metal into the middle of the road, blocking off two lanes of traffic, and pretending to be totally unaware of the fact. Oh, the faces they make...it's quite comical actually. It's actually some of the best entertainment Montgomery has to offer...oh, c'mon this place isn't exactly the mecca of all things social, so don't fault me for making the most of an otherwise tedious and annoying situation.
But back to sitting there at the light...I envisioned a website run by the authorities where I could take a cellphone shot of this guy (and countless others) and have him duly fined for reckless driving, driving in a school zone without using any hands, failure to use turn signals (heaven knows what appendage he'd have to employ to do that whilst doing all the rest...and something tells me he wasn't THAT talented), and basically being a total idiot. "Sorry, officer, the only way I could think of giving myself the Heimlich maneuver when I was choking on that piece of Kung Pao chicken was to ram my car into the guy in front of me...and guess what? It worked!"
So, I'm almost tempted to at least provide some bandwidth on my own site, HumorMeOnline, to showcase similar boneheads caught in the act of failing to realize that you can also see IN through that same window YOU are supposed to be concentrating seeing out of. The least I could do is post their pictures up on my PhotoLaughs contest and use them for comedy fodder. I've even coined a word I made up describing this whole "regular citizen turned vigilante photocop" - yes, I Googled and no one used it yet...a "Videoante"...being the person who snaps said image of an auto-perpetrator and turns them in.
The only downfall I see to my whole "brilliant" scheme is being snapped in turn by someone else who is also a Videoante...being caught at your own game so to speak. I certainly wouldn't want a whole nation going all suburban/urban über-Paparazzi...and I'm sure there's only so many covert images of guys picking their noses one can take...at least I hope so.
22 May 2007
Of Yard History, History Channel, and Histrionics
Well, I flaked out on you...I didn't write that blog I promised. Instead I spent the whole weekend working in my yard which hasn't really been worked on since my mother died, Halloween 1999. My son and I (mainly me pointing to things and my son doing them) really worked a lot - and by the time I came inside, cooked, drank a Martini and watched television (damn you, History Channel...I love you so), I didn't feel much like doing anything else.
We worked again in the yard today and yanked out a whole bunch of weeds which seriously shouldn't have gotten this far. A bit of advice: don't buy a house next to a kudzu patch no matter how much you haven't a clue what the heck kudzu is ("oooh pretty vines - look, they make elephant shapes on the phone poles") - don't buy a house with a couple acres unless someone actually plans to do yard work (or at least help more than one hour a month) - and don't take seven years off and then expect to have it back into shape in a couple weekends.
Anyway, after school vacation starts up here in a few days I shall be able to relax more, get more than 1.5 hours of Ambien-induced sleep, and literally write tomes enough to choke that viney elephant with...well, hopefully at least one of the three.
We worked again in the yard today and yanked out a whole bunch of weeds which seriously shouldn't have gotten this far. A bit of advice: don't buy a house next to a kudzu patch no matter how much you haven't a clue what the heck kudzu is ("oooh pretty vines - look, they make elephant shapes on the phone poles") - don't buy a house with a couple acres unless someone actually plans to do yard work (or at least help more than one hour a month) - and don't take seven years off and then expect to have it back into shape in a couple weekends.
Anyway, after school vacation starts up here in a few days I shall be able to relax more, get more than 1.5 hours of Ambien-induced sleep, and literally write tomes enough to choke that viney elephant with...well, hopefully at least one of the three.
18 May 2007
Write Away...
Envisioning a new blog which I will probably post up here tomorrow nite. Been busy at home with various things which seem to preoccupy my time...but rest assured there will be another one of my "stories" to read by the weekend.
05 May 2007
The Hindenburg Anniversary
Long ago, relatively speaking, I ventured to Lakehurst Naval Air Station in New Jersey. This was way back around 1982...45 years after the Hindenburg exploded, killing 35 people on board and one on the ground. Sixty-two passengers and crew survived that horrific day the 6th of May, 1937.
Who can't forget the words of radio broadcaster, Herbert Morrison, who uttered that all too repeated phrase..."Oh, the humanity". It's even been spoofed by Jim Carrey in The Grinch...the "Who-manity". Cute...but once you heard those tear-laden words coming out of Morrison's mouth...broadcasting as it happened, literally only feet away, you can't really find too much funny in it. At least I can't.
When I drove into Lakehurst, my one and only time going there...my husband-to-be's Air Force access giving us free reign to drive around in reckless abandon...and abandoned there was. Abandoned aircraft strewn across the tarmac...just dragged and left there after so many dogfights...cockpits riddled with bullet-holes, unknown names of the pilots and pin-up girls' likenesses scrolled on the exterior. Just skeletons, left to decompose further in the hot Jersey sun...like toys tossed about in some giant sandbox.
And then there's the Hindenburg's crash site.
A faint burnt area was still visible back in 1982. I remotely remember a tiny marker of some sort then. But that was all.
I couldn't believe it...nothing more than an insignificant sign in the middle of that vast expanse of flightline. No pilgrimages of people standing in line to view it...no prominent signs pointing to it...like a cattle skull in the desert...that's it.
A simple plaque now commemorates the spot (50 years after the fact) with about as many words on it as the number of people who died that fateful day.
I'm saying this because of a couple reasons...which you may or may not agree with. First, of course, it's the 70th anniversary of the Hindenburg explosion. Also, I just read that they are wondering what to do with Norris Hall where most of Virginia Tech's students and professors tragically lost their lives. Should they raze it? Should they build a monument? Should they just clean it up and put in a fitting memorial?
I just can't help but reflect and wonder what difference it would have made to the families of the Hindenburg victims had they done something other than what they did back then. Would it even have made a difference? And, unfortunately, how many more such tributes and plaques must there be built?
Who can't forget the words of radio broadcaster, Herbert Morrison, who uttered that all too repeated phrase..."Oh, the humanity". It's even been spoofed by Jim Carrey in The Grinch...the "Who-manity". Cute...but once you heard those tear-laden words coming out of Morrison's mouth...broadcasting as it happened, literally only feet away, you can't really find too much funny in it. At least I can't.
When I drove into Lakehurst, my one and only time going there...my husband-to-be's Air Force access giving us free reign to drive around in reckless abandon...and abandoned there was. Abandoned aircraft strewn across the tarmac...just dragged and left there after so many dogfights...cockpits riddled with bullet-holes, unknown names of the pilots and pin-up girls' likenesses scrolled on the exterior. Just skeletons, left to decompose further in the hot Jersey sun...like toys tossed about in some giant sandbox.
And then there's the Hindenburg's crash site.
A faint burnt area was still visible back in 1982. I remotely remember a tiny marker of some sort then. But that was all.
I couldn't believe it...nothing more than an insignificant sign in the middle of that vast expanse of flightline. No pilgrimages of people standing in line to view it...no prominent signs pointing to it...like a cattle skull in the desert...that's it.
A simple plaque now commemorates the spot (50 years after the fact) with about as many words on it as the number of people who died that fateful day.
I'm saying this because of a couple reasons...which you may or may not agree with. First, of course, it's the 70th anniversary of the Hindenburg explosion. Also, I just read that they are wondering what to do with Norris Hall where most of Virginia Tech's students and professors tragically lost their lives. Should they raze it? Should they build a monument? Should they just clean it up and put in a fitting memorial?
I just can't help but reflect and wonder what difference it would have made to the families of the Hindenburg victims had they done something other than what they did back then. Would it even have made a difference? And, unfortunately, how many more such tributes and plaques must there be built?
28 April 2007
Skybus
I am not too sure I want to fly on an airline that is selling tickets for $10 each way. It's not the fact that they are cheap that I'm worried about, it's the fact Skybus is banking on recouping some of their losses by selling the sides of their planes for advertising space..."flying billboards" if you will.
Now, I don't know about you, but apart from taxiing down the runway, the only other place I want to get that close to read the outside of some plane is when I'm stepping in or out of it. Logically, it would have made more sense to me to hand out flyers when you boarded the plane rather than to expect people to spy a flying billboard at cruising altitude...or at least I hope so.
What real purpose does this serve? Who is going to think this is a great idea? Just HOW do they expect to get someone to plunk down thousands of dollars just to have a big logo painted on a plane? Let's take a look, shall we?
GoldenPalace.com: If they shelled out $10,000 to have some poor woman, who clearly wasn't thinking straight at the moment, to have the words "GoldenPalace.com" tattooed on her forehead, they surely will jump at the chance to emblazon a plane with the same words only much larger. Let's hope they're much larger.
Sonic: Their commercials CAN'T get any worse...doing this would actually be a step UP from the usual feelings they evoke in me. Oh you know...wanting to gouge my eyes out, smacking myself in the forehead repeatedly whilst murmuring something along the lines of, "They didn't actually PAY someone to come up with THIS TRIPE, did they?" At least at 30,000 feet high, I won't be able to watch it...and there is a good in that, that even I cannot now begin to contemplate nor fully appreciate.
Snakes On A Plane: Don't they still have to do about $150 million dollars in DVD sales to begin to break even from this debacle? I figure somehow they work out a deal with Skybus...paint some snakes ON their plane and then every person who pays their $10 gets a free DVD. Sure, they won't be making any money on the deal, but the warehouse fees alone to store these things has GOT to be astronomical.
Lastly, and I sure hope as a joke, they can toss in a modified "If you can read this Skybus ad you're too close" bumper sticker...or better yet they can charge you $50 for the privilege of buying one. Hey, it's all about the overall experience...just remember that. Just don't forget, if Hooters Air can go bust... Well, poor choice of words there...but, just because there's a gimmick...doesn't mean it's gonna fly.
Now, I don't know about you, but apart from taxiing down the runway, the only other place I want to get that close to read the outside of some plane is when I'm stepping in or out of it. Logically, it would have made more sense to me to hand out flyers when you boarded the plane rather than to expect people to spy a flying billboard at cruising altitude...or at least I hope so.
What real purpose does this serve? Who is going to think this is a great idea? Just HOW do they expect to get someone to plunk down thousands of dollars just to have a big logo painted on a plane? Let's take a look, shall we?
GoldenPalace.com: If they shelled out $10,000 to have some poor woman, who clearly wasn't thinking straight at the moment, to have the words "GoldenPalace.com" tattooed on her forehead, they surely will jump at the chance to emblazon a plane with the same words only much larger. Let's hope they're much larger.
Sonic: Their commercials CAN'T get any worse...doing this would actually be a step UP from the usual feelings they evoke in me. Oh you know...wanting to gouge my eyes out, smacking myself in the forehead repeatedly whilst murmuring something along the lines of, "They didn't actually PAY someone to come up with THIS TRIPE, did they?" At least at 30,000 feet high, I won't be able to watch it...and there is a good in that, that even I cannot now begin to contemplate nor fully appreciate.
Snakes On A Plane: Don't they still have to do about $150 million dollars in DVD sales to begin to break even from this debacle? I figure somehow they work out a deal with Skybus...paint some snakes ON their plane and then every person who pays their $10 gets a free DVD. Sure, they won't be making any money on the deal, but the warehouse fees alone to store these things has GOT to be astronomical.
Lastly, and I sure hope as a joke, they can toss in a modified "If you can read this Skybus ad you're too close" bumper sticker...or better yet they can charge you $50 for the privilege of buying one. Hey, it's all about the overall experience...just remember that. Just don't forget, if Hooters Air can go bust... Well, poor choice of words there...but, just because there's a gimmick...doesn't mean it's gonna fly.
24 April 2007
What a Sheer Delight
I was watching the Bravo channel the other night when yet another "reality" show came on. Now, anyone who knows me knows I am NOT a fan of reality shows. Why? Mainly because I hate the fact that shows that were once written like Soap, Seinfeld and Frasier won't get a chance to air if we, as a culture, keep tuning into these instead.
There is going to be a whole generation of people who won't ever get to know just how witty writers CAN be...because they've never been subjected to anything not "soft-scripted". Sure, those reality shows have 'writers'...if you want to call them that, but I guess if that's the only way I could break into the writing business, and I'd LOVE to break into the writing business by the way (hint hint out there)...I'd compromise my principles and "write" for "Survivor" and "Beauty and the Geek" as well.
So, while I'm clicking thru the "scrolly-guide" on my television to pick what's better to watch...and, honestly, an infomercial would be better...well maybe not BETTER...but definitely more mentally stimulating at this point, I get "aurally hooked" to this hair salon-based show, entitled "Sheer Genius" and decide to watch. Okay, I admit, it was like 3:00 in the morning, so maybe that had something to do with it...but, if a show can reel me in with mere words alone...I'm going to take that bait.
Apparently I've entered this game at Episode 2 of Season 1...and it seems to me they have about 10-12 stylists they've previously introduced who will have to do what is told of them within the allotted time frame. First up was taking jet black hair and bringing it down to at least a mid-blonde, a level 8 I believe. What's a level 8? Heck if I know...but they have swatches so I can be the judge as well. But just as in The Price Is Right...going under is fine, going over just won't do. They each had their little mannequin heads with all the same hair, so it was fair across the board (I like fairness)...and they had two hours to match the shade...going lighter no problem...darker, well, just as in that Price Is Right showcase at the end, you go over, even by a hair...you don't win.
I know what you are thinking..."How do they determine who wins?" I'm glad you asked...why, there are judges of course! One of them is a top hair stylist, Rene Fris; Michael Carl is the fashion director of Allure magazine; Sally Hershberger is another highly sought after hair stylist; and last, but not in the least, least...is Jaclyn Smith of Charlie's Angels fame...she's the one who basically looks the same as when she used to play Kelly all the way back in the 70s. Yes, all women hate her...just kidding, she was the "nice" Angel anyway. "And what are they trying to win?" is your next question, which I shall pointedly answer (yes, ever being the comedian, I will segue as many puns as I can into this hair-raising story...without going over the top) At stake is an apprenticeship with Roy Teeluk, who just happens to be the lead stylist for Nexxus. He is also on the show and walks around bantering back and forth with the stylists...quite a nice added touch if you ask me.
All-in-all it's quite a chatty show - bear in mind that people DO confide in their hairdressers more often than anyone else...hey, I've seen Shampoo...and that "only her hairdresser knows for sure" commercial, and if you can't trust Hollywood writers, who can you trust? Anyway, being TOO chatty almost cost one contestant her spot on the show...when that clock is ticking away, you've really gotta cut that conversation short with your client.
Personally, I liked two stylists right off...Tabatha and Jim. Tabatha won the "colour the fake head's hair from dark to light" competition...and I was genuinely glad for her. Her quip to Roy of "I do it myself as I can do it better than anyone else" when he asked "Who colours YOUR hair?" wasn't at all uppity...she was self-assured - and I can appreciate someone who has confidence and knows where that confidence lies.
Two other runners-up were also chosen to be the "three that came out on top" and were allotted extended perks for their prowess. The next styling event would be to work on real people. But not just real people...that's too easy...real people who brought in a celebrity photo of whose hair they wanted to have. Now, I've been to lots of stylists in my day and usually I give them free reign...my stance is that they are the professionals and should know which cut would suit me best. I give them some ideas and usually a photo of what I'd like it to look like in an ideal world...but it's only a guide. I know I'll never look like Sharon Stone...so I don't get THAT bent out of shape when I don't end up looking like her clone.
Now, not only did these 'three top finishers' of the colouring segment get to walk over to the board and pick the photo of the client they wanted, they also got to choose them based on which "celebrity do" style she wanted to be reincarnated as. The others were "celebrity clueless"...no we aren't talking about Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears...the other stylists just didn't get to see which celebrity their clients wanted to look like. Some wanted miracle transformations: dark hair to Gwen Stefani/Christina Aguilera platinum...hair colour that usually takes many hours to achieve...but their time constraint of two hours would be their only realm within which they could work...making many "do's" simply NOT doable.
This is the part I found the most fun. Real people, real stylists, real decisions, really fast. Real fast? Two hours? Yes, when you have to consult, colour, cut, and blow dry hair into a style, that time goes by faster than black roots will start showing thru platinum hair. There's also no fancy-schmancy cutting-edge technology here, kids...just vision and expertise.
Keep in mind, in this segment they weren't so much trying to "do" an exact replica of the photograph - they were supposed to use it as a guideline on which to base what COULD be done to the client, that the client would still accept and fawn over later. Personally, I would have liked to have seen them really attempt to do that celebrity they chose, a photo-finish at the end, if you will. But, face it, if we all could just slap down a torn page from a People magazine when we sat down in that chair and ended up looking like it when we got out of it, wouldn't we all be running around looking like Halle Berry?
It IS, however, the responsibility of a good stylist to address those "impossible" issues people seem to have and ultimately end up with a satisfied customer. And there were quite a few "satisfied customers" at the end....Tabatha did a spot-on recreation of her client's chosen photo of Victoria Beckham, only Tabatha managed to make it look twice as good...that lady is definitely talented. Conversely, there was one client in particular who was going to be crying like a baby when she awoke in the morning. Again, they stressed - it really was up to the stylist to say "You know, this just isn't going to happen...how about we do something equally fabulous that can?!"
There is going to be a whole generation of people who won't ever get to know just how witty writers CAN be...because they've never been subjected to anything not "soft-scripted". Sure, those reality shows have 'writers'...if you want to call them that, but I guess if that's the only way I could break into the writing business, and I'd LOVE to break into the writing business by the way (hint hint out there)...I'd compromise my principles and "write" for "Survivor" and "Beauty and the Geek" as well.
So, while I'm clicking thru the "scrolly-guide" on my television to pick what's better to watch...and, honestly, an infomercial would be better...well maybe not BETTER...but definitely more mentally stimulating at this point, I get "aurally hooked" to this hair salon-based show, entitled "Sheer Genius" and decide to watch. Okay, I admit, it was like 3:00 in the morning, so maybe that had something to do with it...but, if a show can reel me in with mere words alone...I'm going to take that bait.
Apparently I've entered this game at Episode 2 of Season 1...and it seems to me they have about 10-12 stylists they've previously introduced who will have to do what is told of them within the allotted time frame. First up was taking jet black hair and bringing it down to at least a mid-blonde, a level 8 I believe. What's a level 8? Heck if I know...but they have swatches so I can be the judge as well. But just as in The Price Is Right...going under is fine, going over just won't do. They each had their little mannequin heads with all the same hair, so it was fair across the board (I like fairness)...and they had two hours to match the shade...going lighter no problem...darker, well, just as in that Price Is Right showcase at the end, you go over, even by a hair...you don't win.
I know what you are thinking..."How do they determine who wins?" I'm glad you asked...why, there are judges of course! One of them is a top hair stylist, Rene Fris; Michael Carl is the fashion director of Allure magazine; Sally Hershberger is another highly sought after hair stylist; and last, but not in the least, least...is Jaclyn Smith of Charlie's Angels fame...she's the one who basically looks the same as when she used to play Kelly all the way back in the 70s. Yes, all women hate her...just kidding, she was the "nice" Angel anyway. "And what are they trying to win?" is your next question, which I shall pointedly answer (yes, ever being the comedian, I will segue as many puns as I can into this hair-raising story...without going over the top) At stake is an apprenticeship with Roy Teeluk, who just happens to be the lead stylist for Nexxus. He is also on the show and walks around bantering back and forth with the stylists...quite a nice added touch if you ask me.
All-in-all it's quite a chatty show - bear in mind that people DO confide in their hairdressers more often than anyone else...hey, I've seen Shampoo...and that "only her hairdresser knows for sure" commercial, and if you can't trust Hollywood writers, who can you trust? Anyway, being TOO chatty almost cost one contestant her spot on the show...when that clock is ticking away, you've really gotta cut that conversation short with your client.
Personally, I liked two stylists right off...Tabatha and Jim. Tabatha won the "colour the fake head's hair from dark to light" competition...and I was genuinely glad for her. Her quip to Roy of "I do it myself as I can do it better than anyone else" when he asked "Who colours YOUR hair?" wasn't at all uppity...she was self-assured - and I can appreciate someone who has confidence and knows where that confidence lies.
Two other runners-up were also chosen to be the "three that came out on top" and were allotted extended perks for their prowess. The next styling event would be to work on real people. But not just real people...that's too easy...real people who brought in a celebrity photo of whose hair they wanted to have. Now, I've been to lots of stylists in my day and usually I give them free reign...my stance is that they are the professionals and should know which cut would suit me best. I give them some ideas and usually a photo of what I'd like it to look like in an ideal world...but it's only a guide. I know I'll never look like Sharon Stone...so I don't get THAT bent out of shape when I don't end up looking like her clone.
Now, not only did these 'three top finishers' of the colouring segment get to walk over to the board and pick the photo of the client they wanted, they also got to choose them based on which "celebrity do" style she wanted to be reincarnated as. The others were "celebrity clueless"...no we aren't talking about Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears...the other stylists just didn't get to see which celebrity their clients wanted to look like. Some wanted miracle transformations: dark hair to Gwen Stefani/Christina Aguilera platinum...hair colour that usually takes many hours to achieve...but their time constraint of two hours would be their only realm within which they could work...making many "do's" simply NOT doable.
This is the part I found the most fun. Real people, real stylists, real decisions, really fast. Real fast? Two hours? Yes, when you have to consult, colour, cut, and blow dry hair into a style, that time goes by faster than black roots will start showing thru platinum hair. There's also no fancy-schmancy cutting-edge technology here, kids...just vision and expertise.
Keep in mind, in this segment they weren't so much trying to "do" an exact replica of the photograph - they were supposed to use it as a guideline on which to base what COULD be done to the client, that the client would still accept and fawn over later. Personally, I would have liked to have seen them really attempt to do that celebrity they chose, a photo-finish at the end, if you will. But, face it, if we all could just slap down a torn page from a People magazine when we sat down in that chair and ended up looking like it when we got out of it, wouldn't we all be running around looking like Halle Berry?
It IS, however, the responsibility of a good stylist to address those "impossible" issues people seem to have and ultimately end up with a satisfied customer. And there were quite a few "satisfied customers" at the end....Tabatha did a spot-on recreation of her client's chosen photo of Victoria Beckham, only Tabatha managed to make it look twice as good...that lady is definitely talented. Conversely, there was one client in particular who was going to be crying like a baby when she awoke in the morning. Again, they stressed - it really was up to the stylist to say "You know, this just isn't going to happen...how about we do something equally fabulous that can?!"
I've seen many a "shouldn't have gone there, girlfriend" hairstyle in my day, and regardless if they are paying top dollar at some swanky salon or going to SuperCuts - sometimes a little honesty in these cases would definitely be the best policy...as in the case of poor Jim.
Jim, unfortunately, created a colour that even the Crayola team would have rejected and was ceremoniously voted off...altho he knew it was coming. He graciously stating that this had been such an enormous honour and special event in his life that he would always remember it fondly. He was endearingly sweet...I'd let him do my hair...I wouldn't give him a two-hour time limit, but I'd definitely let him do it.
Bottom line, I really liked this show and am looking forward to the next installment...altho I saw previews where they donned hedge trimmers, so maybe they ran out of ideas and are grasping at straws. I certainly don't want to see them go "yes, it's time to apply the colour to the hair...but we are going to use this...(insert big fanfare 'unveiling' music here)...yes, a toilet brush! Tune in next week when we will attempt curling hair with nothing more than a modified toaster and a bit of rebar." Hmmm...well, let's not think about that. For now I'm pleased to say the fast-paced open dialogue coupled with the "momentum of the moment" activity seemed to be a perfect blend...alas, unlike whatever poor Jim combined together to get (shudder) "that shade".
Jim, unfortunately, created a colour that even the Crayola team would have rejected and was ceremoniously voted off...altho he knew it was coming. He graciously stating that this had been such an enormous honour and special event in his life that he would always remember it fondly. He was endearingly sweet...I'd let him do my hair...I wouldn't give him a two-hour time limit, but I'd definitely let him do it.
Bottom line, I really liked this show and am looking forward to the next installment...altho I saw previews where they donned hedge trimmers, so maybe they ran out of ideas and are grasping at straws. I certainly don't want to see them go "yes, it's time to apply the colour to the hair...but we are going to use this...(insert big fanfare 'unveiling' music here)...yes, a toilet brush! Tune in next week when we will attempt curling hair with nothing more than a modified toaster and a bit of rebar." Hmmm...well, let's not think about that. For now I'm pleased to say the fast-paced open dialogue coupled with the "momentum of the moment" activity seemed to be a perfect blend...alas, unlike whatever poor Jim combined together to get (shudder) "that shade".
20 April 2007
"Infamous April"...Unfortunately
This is an email I sent to one of my friends today...I thought I would change it a bit and post it here as well, as these are my feelings on this whole tragic Virginia Tech (and school shootings in general) incident.
You know I'm really tired of hearing all this talk about "oh, he was bullied at school" every time some kid shoots up a school. Ya know what? So was I, so were most of the kids I went to school with. There were kids who NEVER talked to anyone...no one talked to them unless to make fun of them. There were always the kids who didn't talk right, that were overweight, too geeky, dressed funny, or wore braces. Some were too geeky, didn't talk or dress "right", wore braces, AND were overweight. And they didn't shoot up the school because of it - they didn't do anything. Whatever happened to "ignore them", "sticks and stones", or "turn the other cheek"?
What is with the revenge bit? It's NOT because of being picked on...it's because being picked on AND retaliating by violent means is NOW ACCEPTED in our society. We are making excuses for them and their actions...they don't even have to think of their own. I am tired of this - NBC did a real disservice if you ask me by showing these tapes, especially how they managed to highlight the parts where he (I refuse to mention his name...he doesn't deserve any more recognition) says, in essence, "I'm doing this for everyone like me...I am your avenger". Oh, that's what we need - more kids who think "yeah, he makes sense...people who get picked on SHOULD fight back with guns...those kids who do the picking on SHOULD die". People can argue until the cows come home about how it helps us identify the "possible next one" - but you know what, WE didn't need this info. Put it in the hands of those who do...not the general populace who are beginning to get incredibly desensitized to all of this.
You know I'm really tired of hearing all this talk about "oh, he was bullied at school" every time some kid shoots up a school. Ya know what? So was I, so were most of the kids I went to school with. There were kids who NEVER talked to anyone...no one talked to them unless to make fun of them. There were always the kids who didn't talk right, that were overweight, too geeky, dressed funny, or wore braces. Some were too geeky, didn't talk or dress "right", wore braces, AND were overweight. And they didn't shoot up the school because of it - they didn't do anything. Whatever happened to "ignore them", "sticks and stones", or "turn the other cheek"?
What is with the revenge bit? It's NOT because of being picked on...it's because being picked on AND retaliating by violent means is NOW ACCEPTED in our society. We are making excuses for them and their actions...they don't even have to think of their own. I am tired of this - NBC did a real disservice if you ask me by showing these tapes, especially how they managed to highlight the parts where he (I refuse to mention his name...he doesn't deserve any more recognition) says, in essence, "I'm doing this for everyone like me...I am your avenger". Oh, that's what we need - more kids who think "yeah, he makes sense...people who get picked on SHOULD fight back with guns...those kids who do the picking on SHOULD die". People can argue until the cows come home about how it helps us identify the "possible next one" - but you know what, WE didn't need this info. Put it in the hands of those who do...not the general populace who are beginning to get incredibly desensitized to all of this.
My first remembrance of a mass school shooting was immortalized in a song from The Boomtown Rats..."I Don't Like Mondays". I liked that song...I didn't like the impetus for it...it was a catchy tune, maybe too catchy. This Virginia Tech shooting occurred on Monday...and also is "coincidentally" the week of the Columbine murders, Waco, and the "avenge Waco two years later" bombing of the Oklahoma City Murrah Federal Building. This "calendar of infamous 'me too' April events" is getting a little too disturbing for my liking. And what influence, if any, did these things have to do with this latest shooting...and others which have gotten less press over the years, and, unfortunately, the ones in the future?
Cries of "you haven't seen anything yet" coursing thru those other students' heads...the ones who phoned in these things to their schools - a "joke" they say. Oh, how "funny" if must have seemed to those schools that got those threats the next day...and are probably continuing to get them. Oh...and don't forget those "infamous" dates - "Columbine's anniversary" made more famous for the killers themselves than for those who lost their lives. I'm sure they get plenty of calls on THAT date (which just so happens to be THIS date). Damned sick if you ask me. We are too fascinated. We are intrigued by these people nearly to the point of worshiping them...we want to look into their "heads", their motivation for doing it...their motivation for doing it was being pure evil. End of story.
I talked to someone yesterday who swore that if he could have talked to the kid, he's sure he would have gotten "through to him". I completely disagree. I think no amount of girlfriends this guy would have had, no amount of friendship bestowed upon him, no amount of intervention...probably would have helped. Some people ARE beyond help. Some others choose not to seek it. Some are mental and have some actual issues beyond their control, some are just pure evil...some, I'm sure, are a combination...but still are a ticking time bomb. I believe if this student HAD been expelled from campus years before, chances are he would have retaliated years before as well.
I just wish people (in the media) would not glorify such actions by highlighting every detail...in the case of the Unabomber, printing his "manifesto" LED to his arrest. We already KNEW who was the perpetrator of the Columbine shootings...of the Virginia Tech shootings. Airing these tapes, their websites, their ramblings...is just what they wanted us to do "after the fact"-- they KNEW it in advance, just as they KNEW what they were going to do before they did it...and this "press glorification" is the motivation behind much of this horror.
Evil begets evil...I say let it begin to end...don't give them this satisfaction in the end as they planned all along...they are not to be made martyrs. Just don't air it.
I talked to someone yesterday who swore that if he could have talked to the kid, he's sure he would have gotten "through to him". I completely disagree. I think no amount of girlfriends this guy would have had, no amount of friendship bestowed upon him, no amount of intervention...probably would have helped. Some people ARE beyond help. Some others choose not to seek it. Some are mental and have some actual issues beyond their control, some are just pure evil...some, I'm sure, are a combination...but still are a ticking time bomb. I believe if this student HAD been expelled from campus years before, chances are he would have retaliated years before as well.
I just wish people (in the media) would not glorify such actions by highlighting every detail...in the case of the Unabomber, printing his "manifesto" LED to his arrest. We already KNEW who was the perpetrator of the Columbine shootings...of the Virginia Tech shootings. Airing these tapes, their websites, their ramblings...is just what they wanted us to do "after the fact"-- they KNEW it in advance, just as they KNEW what they were going to do before they did it...and this "press glorification" is the motivation behind much of this horror.
Evil begets evil...I say let it begin to end...don't give them this satisfaction in the end as they planned all along...they are not to be made martyrs. Just don't air it.
17 April 2007
Virginia Tech et al
As many of you are aware, I have an interactive online comedy website, HumorMeOnline, that I own and run. That website also has a forum, where people can go to discuss a myriad of things...and that part is pretty much not "my puppy" - in other words, they basically can say what they like (within reason - I do have SOME rules).
Well, I just posted a lengthy forum post to it regarding, as the press keeps reminding me, "The deadliest shooting rampage ever in the United States"...and while, some of the words I use like "intro blurby" might seem foreign to you unless you've visited my site, I believe you will be able to extrapolate from it, my intended point.
The post:
I made a conscious decision to not post condolences for tragic events on the HMO home page quite some time ago...I believe it was after the school shooting in Erfurt, Germany, back in April 2003, when 18 people were tragically and horribly gunned down.
Well, I just posted a lengthy forum post to it regarding, as the press keeps reminding me, "The deadliest shooting rampage ever in the United States"...and while, some of the words I use like "intro blurby" might seem foreign to you unless you've visited my site, I believe you will be able to extrapolate from it, my intended point.
The post:
I made a conscious decision to not post condolences for tragic events on the HMO home page quite some time ago...I believe it was after the school shooting in Erfurt, Germany, back in April 2003, when 18 people were tragically and horribly gunned down.
While I don't ever want to come across as uncaring and unfeeling (oh, my word, trust me - I have so much emotion that pours over me during these things, I can't even begin to emote to you how much)...but my reasons for not posting these things directly on my site is twofold.
First, for whatever pleasure these monsters get from reading about themselves doing these horrific acts of violence (or knowing what will be read about themselves because most times they die) - I just don't want to give them that satisfaction...or to make it seem like "Oh, only three this time...that's not even worthy enough that I mention it"...which leads us into my main reason and it is this: There are horrible incidents each and every day that affect us, people that we know, and people we will never know - that aren't necessarily in the magnitude of a "24-hour-live coverage horrific multi-murder event".
While, yes, I agree that just the scope of sheer numbers alone is mindboggling...is so incredibly terrible all at once...touching dozens, sometimes hundreds of people in one fell swoop...the fact of the solitary incident getting passed over, just a mere semicolon in the book...not anywhere as important as a period, an exclamation point, or a question mark...that semicolon...that "glossed over, forgotten person" means more than any amount of words can express about their loved ones. I shall not glance over those single events in favour of others who gain more fame simply because they were unfortunate enough to be included in a multiple act of unconscionable evil.
Evil IS evil...the killing of one thousand or the killing of just one...all are someone's brother, sister, aunt, uncle, daughter, son, mother, father, etc., many more are just labeled "friends". But they ARE missed and they ARE cried over just as much as that "one of many of a part". Granted, just the sheer amount can be staggering...the pure evilness...the heinousness, the absolute disregard for human life when many are the victims...is compounded immeasurably...but, if it is separated, each person is still only a part, a part who is someone's husband, brother, father, wife, sister, mother, etc., no more or less than the instances of solitary death. We must not forget that as well...and that is why I choose to not recognize only the most deadly shootings...all deadly shootings have the same outcome in the end: A loved one is dead. Are they loved less because they were killed singly? No. But the press all too often takes this stance..."Report only the 'big ones'."
I wish there were none to report.
I wish Monday would have been another boring day for those college students, passing and failing tests and wondering about upcoming final exams. I wish no other schools or businesses would have to face heartbreak...I wish all evil could be expelled from this Earth, period. I wish I never have to change another intro blurby at my site because death happened and the wording of the existing blurby seemed inappropriate.
But I know, that's not the way life is. I just hope and pray the victims' families can find some rhyme or reason for that question mark that will be forever in their heads. And as some exclaim "It isn't fair! Maybe they should have done this instead!" a resolution that will bring them ease and some peace.
The only point I'm trying to convey here is that I am so incredibly saddened...so incredibly...such a waste of what could have been, a waste of the joy and laughter, now forever silenced; replaced by sorrow and tears. My heart and my prayers go out to each and every person who lost their lives today or were injured...and to their families and friends. But please believe me, everyone, when I tell you that my prayers DO go out to so many others whom I never make mention of here.
So, so many more...too many.
Mariann aka Cadeaux
11 April 2007
Hail, Hail the Bang's All Here

And was it banging...on my driveway, on my cars, and on my roof. We had some pretty large hail today in the Montgomery area if you hadn't noticed, and from the looks of the photos they were showing on the news this evening, the Blue Ridge area of Wetumpka had some of the largest that fell.
I had phoned my son just moments before the storm started as I had a car-full of groceries and saw the sky darkening...letting him know I'd be pulling up and since it looked pretty ominous he best not delay getting the stuff in from the car. Well, I had opened up the hatch to the van and took the mail inside when I knew something out of the ordinary was up...suddenly, and in complete unison, akin to when birds flock to and fro, all the cats jumped down from their cat tower or ran in from outside. Some strange mental bond between them kicked in...as if they had read those "during an emergency 'let's all meet up here' plans" -- they all converged under the table in the living room. Then the sirens sounded and the hail started falling...I called my son inside and we hung out in the hallway until it passed...altho my son suggested 'perhaps we should be under the table with the cats as maybe they know something we don't'. My son kept reminding me that the hatch was still open and he hadn't yet gotten all the bags in...but I think I'd rather have him alive than having to call 911 because he was struck "just wrong" on the head by hail...lightning...or a tree limb. Consequently, my hatch now has a pockmark where one of those "larger than a golf ball"-sized hail hit.
Then, of course, we HAD to take photos of the hail. My online friend commented "You folks don't get much hail I guess..lol"...but, contrary to what you may or may not know, hail is quite a phenomenon in itself...and not really all that easily made. A series of circumstances have to come into play in order for hail to become the extremely super-cold hard mass that it is...and, as my son found out today holding them...they are EXTREMELY cold. According to a book I have, I am eschewing Wikipedia, because, well, anyone can put anything up there and everyone takes that to mean it is correct. Not saying this book is more correct, but, it does correlate what most sites online are saying...plus I DO like this book, a lot.
These paraphrased quotes come from It's Raining Frogs and Fishes written by Jerry Dennis...a book about weather and sky-related phenomena. It states: Water droplets can become "supercooled" to temperatures far below freezing...which can then coalesce onto frozen drops. Updrafts within high, storm-bearing clouds are sometimes powerful to slow the descent of those drops, and perhaps tossing them back upwards, like popcorn in a popper, alternating between cold and warm air, thus building up layers of this "onion-skin"-like ice, until they become too heavy and fall to the ground. Hail usually occurs during warm weather because the heat rising from the ground forms turbulent cumulonimbus clouds containing strong updrafts...the tops of which, in the troposphere, can reach temperatures as low as -112 degrees Fahrenheit. Another theory is that a single hailstone makes only one descent from the top of the cloud to the ground, but since it is slowed by updrafts, has time, perhaps even 10-20 minutes, to have "supercooled" water droplets adhering to this ever-growing nucleus of ice. The book further states that many meteorologists think both theories are plausible.
No wonder these things are pretty darned cold...and pretty darned jagged...altho as you can see from the one photo I took today, they can also form some incredibly symmetrical round balls. You might also notice, if you look hard enough, that some look like a white marble is encased inside a clear ice shell...I call this "the geode effect"...as, when you slice it in half, it really looks like a cross-cut of a geode to me (last photo).
I had phoned my son just moments before the storm started as I had a car-full of groceries and saw the sky darkening...letting him know I'd be pulling up and since it looked pretty ominous he best not delay getting the stuff in from the car. Well, I had opened up the hatch to the van and took the mail inside when I knew something out of the ordinary was up...suddenly, and in complete unison, akin to when birds flock to and fro, all the cats jumped down from their cat tower or ran in from outside. Some strange mental bond between them kicked in...as if they had read those "during an emergency 'let's all meet up here' plans" -- they all converged under the table in the living room. Then the sirens sounded and the hail started falling...I called my son inside and we hung out in the hallway until it passed...altho my son suggested 'perhaps we should be under the table with the cats as maybe they know something we don't'. My son kept reminding me that the hatch was still open and he hadn't yet gotten all the bags in...but I think I'd rather have him alive than having to call 911 because he was struck "just wrong" on the head by hail...lightning...or a tree limb. Consequently, my hatch now has a pockmark where one of those "larger than a golf ball"-sized hail hit.
Then, of course, we HAD to take photos of the hail. My online friend commented "You folks don't get much hail I guess..lol"...but, contrary to what you may or may not know, hail is quite a phenomenon in itself...and not really all that easily made. A series of circumstances have to come into play in order for hail to become the extremely super-cold hard mass that it is...and, as my son found out today holding them...they are EXTREMELY cold. According to a book I have, I am eschewing Wikipedia, because, well, anyone can put anything up there and everyone takes that to mean it is correct. Not saying this book is more correct, but, it does correlate what most sites online are saying...plus I DO like this book, a lot.
These paraphrased quotes come from It's Raining Frogs and Fishes written by Jerry Dennis...a book about weather and sky-related phenomena. It states: Water droplets can become "supercooled" to temperatures far below freezing...which can then coalesce onto frozen drops. Updrafts within high, storm-bearing clouds are sometimes powerful to slow the descent of those drops, and perhaps tossing them back upwards, like popcorn in a popper, alternating between cold and warm air, thus building up layers of this "onion-skin"-like ice, until they become too heavy and fall to the ground. Hail usually occurs during warm weather because the heat rising from the ground forms turbulent cumulonimbus clouds containing strong updrafts...the tops of which, in the troposphere, can reach temperatures as low as -112 degrees Fahrenheit. Another theory is that a single hailstone makes only one descent from the top of the cloud to the ground, but since it is slowed by updrafts, has time, perhaps even 10-20 minutes, to have "supercooled" water droplets adhering to this ever-growing nucleus of ice. The book further states that many meteorologists think both theories are plausible.
No wonder these things are pretty darned cold...and pretty darned jagged...altho as you can see from the one photo I took today, they can also form some incredibly symmetrical round balls. You might also notice, if you look hard enough, that some look like a white marble is encased inside a clear ice shell...I call this "the geode effect"...as, when you slice it in half, it really looks like a cross-cut of a geode to me (last photo).
And, as a slide...er...side note - please remember, if you can pull WAY off the road when this happens (such as a parking lot)...do so. Keep in mind this stuff isn't just rain, it's ice - and as anyone from New Jersey can attest to...you don't want to try to drive on ice...you won't win.



10 April 2007
My Anniversary
Well, well...my one year anniversary of blogging here at the Montgomery Advertiser came and went without anyone noticing, including myself. Yes, I've been at this now since 15 March 2006.
Please send all presents, cash and job offers via my HumorMeOnline address...or you could always contact me thru my email address...and, of course, this is NOT the time to be frugal.
Please send all presents, cash and job offers via my HumorMeOnline address...or you could always contact me thru my email address...and, of course, this is NOT the time to be frugal.
30 March 2007
Of Ripples From Butterfly Wings
Daily things that are within our ability to do...yet we don't do them...and wonder what would have happened had we gone out of the way, if but for a minute, to take the time to do them...
Things whiz by my car window as I drive my daughter to school, they whiz by when I go to Fresh Market to buy food, things whiz by everyone on their daily day-to-day doings. We must look as bewildering and complicated from above as an ant colony looks to us from our perspective as well. We all have our destinations...we are determined to get there, our aim is predetermined...we shouldn't waver from it...we must be good scout, soldier, and worker ants...don't deviate from our mission. "Git 'er done!"
But at what cost? Is there a cost...is there just a tiny little butterfly effect that we might cause if we alter our daily doings...just how far would those ripples be felt...and most of all, would it be worth it in the end?
I was driving my daughter to school this morning, down Congressman Dickinson Drive...and right before I passed the Montgomery Humane Shelter on the right side of the road, there was a dog sitting on the side of the road...a big dog...a brown mastiff-looking lug of a dog...the canine equivalent of those not-so-bright mugs that protect the corrupt bosses in those old 30s/40s black/white films. But he wasn't a mean-looking type...he's one of those lovable mugs - just out of his element. I could tell he was lost...but I had to get my daughter to her school...she couldn't be late and I can't look up the shelter's number and drive at the same time. I COULD...but I refuse to drive that way...everyone should refuse such things.
I made it to her school - just in time and exited out of the parking lot - I take a different route back, so I don't know what became of that dog. Had I made a call and let them know about the dog...had I flapped my wings a little...they would have flapped theirs...and a whole other outcome would have come about. But I don't know the outcome...not that I would have known the alternate outcome. It's unlikely I would have called back to check on his status at the shelter..."don't ask...you might not want them to tell". But...I won't ask here as well...I might not want to hear it either. My choice to remain out of it...to step off that mental platform that calls each of us to do more than we do...called to me stronger than the one which would have gotten me involved.
The dog is now a blur as I go past, continuing on to my journey...my journey which is set, in mental concrete...that shouldn't have cracks in it. There must be no cracks...continue looking...but don't touch...don't make waves with those wings. I turn left onto Coliseum Blvd...there's a man, looking sad, a white plastic grocery store bag in his hand...bending down picking up trash from his yard. You can tell this is a daily stop on his personal journey...his that is also probably set. No verbal exchanges I'm sure from any passersby...do any of the littering culprits ever drive by to catch him picking up THEIR stuff they threw in his yard because they didn't want to clutter up their own cars? Do they drive by and snicker? Do they repeatedly throw the stuff in his yard all the time? Perhaps they work at the same store his grocery bag, now used as a trash bag, is from. I thought of that all in that millisecond time-frame that seemed to freeze-frame and then speed up again, like it does in films. As with the dog...my first and final contact with him. I'm almost to my destination - I'll not be late after all...keep it all in the parameters of my initial plan...don't get sidetracked.
I drop my daughter off...a few kids are being let out of their parents cars and running toward the school...you aren't supposed to do that - they are supposed to be accompanied by a parent when they are in the parking lot...they aren't being good ants...they aren't helping their colony. The small children are oblivious to the fact that the majority of the cars dashing in and out of the parking lot can't see them over the top of their hoods...let alone a rear-view image...but they still scurry. The cars, seemingly having their own agendas, must get to the next destination...a series of stops...move along...next station...move along again...and nothing is supposed to slow them down. But there are tiny little delicate cogs that can throw that system totally out of whack...these children, who probably have heard that old proverb..."children should be seen and not heard"...don't realize they are neither seen nor heard in a parking lot among the massive metal giants. Giants that can squoosh a child like a bug. So, I've decided today...I will be their champion...I will come to their aid...I will notify the school about these goings on before I hear what we all don't want to hear. I will pick up my phone, I will get online and write an email, I will dare to be that ripple that happens when I start to flap my wings...I will alight on my mental platform...I will take the time and I WILL be heard. It's only just a whisper I know...but a whisper can stop an accident, save a dog, or the person's life who might end up swerving to avoid hitting it. Whispers have started and stopped wars...whispers are much stronger than you can imagine.
Just think if we all spoke up from a whisper once in a while and beat our little wings until they made ripples...and if you ever saw ripples in water when you toss in even the tiniest pebble, you know they just keep going out further and further. I believe even a seemingly inconsequential phone call, intervention, deviation from our set norm...can set things in motion we've never dreamt of...and perhaps a deed we do will soar...even without anyone even knowing it.
Things whiz by my car window as I drive my daughter to school, they whiz by when I go to Fresh Market to buy food, things whiz by everyone on their daily day-to-day doings. We must look as bewildering and complicated from above as an ant colony looks to us from our perspective as well. We all have our destinations...we are determined to get there, our aim is predetermined...we shouldn't waver from it...we must be good scout, soldier, and worker ants...don't deviate from our mission. "Git 'er done!"
But at what cost? Is there a cost...is there just a tiny little butterfly effect that we might cause if we alter our daily doings...just how far would those ripples be felt...and most of all, would it be worth it in the end?
I was driving my daughter to school this morning, down Congressman Dickinson Drive...and right before I passed the Montgomery Humane Shelter on the right side of the road, there was a dog sitting on the side of the road...a big dog...a brown mastiff-looking lug of a dog...the canine equivalent of those not-so-bright mugs that protect the corrupt bosses in those old 30s/40s black/white films. But he wasn't a mean-looking type...he's one of those lovable mugs - just out of his element. I could tell he was lost...but I had to get my daughter to her school...she couldn't be late and I can't look up the shelter's number and drive at the same time. I COULD...but I refuse to drive that way...everyone should refuse such things.
I made it to her school - just in time and exited out of the parking lot - I take a different route back, so I don't know what became of that dog. Had I made a call and let them know about the dog...had I flapped my wings a little...they would have flapped theirs...and a whole other outcome would have come about. But I don't know the outcome...not that I would have known the alternate outcome. It's unlikely I would have called back to check on his status at the shelter..."don't ask...you might not want them to tell". But...I won't ask here as well...I might not want to hear it either. My choice to remain out of it...to step off that mental platform that calls each of us to do more than we do...called to me stronger than the one which would have gotten me involved.
The dog is now a blur as I go past, continuing on to my journey...my journey which is set, in mental concrete...that shouldn't have cracks in it. There must be no cracks...continue looking...but don't touch...don't make waves with those wings. I turn left onto Coliseum Blvd...there's a man, looking sad, a white plastic grocery store bag in his hand...bending down picking up trash from his yard. You can tell this is a daily stop on his personal journey...his that is also probably set. No verbal exchanges I'm sure from any passersby...do any of the littering culprits ever drive by to catch him picking up THEIR stuff they threw in his yard because they didn't want to clutter up their own cars? Do they drive by and snicker? Do they repeatedly throw the stuff in his yard all the time? Perhaps they work at the same store his grocery bag, now used as a trash bag, is from. I thought of that all in that millisecond time-frame that seemed to freeze-frame and then speed up again, like it does in films. As with the dog...my first and final contact with him. I'm almost to my destination - I'll not be late after all...keep it all in the parameters of my initial plan...don't get sidetracked.
I drop my daughter off...a few kids are being let out of their parents cars and running toward the school...you aren't supposed to do that - they are supposed to be accompanied by a parent when they are in the parking lot...they aren't being good ants...they aren't helping their colony. The small children are oblivious to the fact that the majority of the cars dashing in and out of the parking lot can't see them over the top of their hoods...let alone a rear-view image...but they still scurry. The cars, seemingly having their own agendas, must get to the next destination...a series of stops...move along...next station...move along again...and nothing is supposed to slow them down. But there are tiny little delicate cogs that can throw that system totally out of whack...these children, who probably have heard that old proverb..."children should be seen and not heard"...don't realize they are neither seen nor heard in a parking lot among the massive metal giants. Giants that can squoosh a child like a bug. So, I've decided today...I will be their champion...I will come to their aid...I will notify the school about these goings on before I hear what we all don't want to hear. I will pick up my phone, I will get online and write an email, I will dare to be that ripple that happens when I start to flap my wings...I will alight on my mental platform...I will take the time and I WILL be heard. It's only just a whisper I know...but a whisper can stop an accident, save a dog, or the person's life who might end up swerving to avoid hitting it. Whispers have started and stopped wars...whispers are much stronger than you can imagine.
Just think if we all spoke up from a whisper once in a while and beat our little wings until they made ripples...and if you ever saw ripples in water when you toss in even the tiniest pebble, you know they just keep going out further and further. I believe even a seemingly inconsequential phone call, intervention, deviation from our set norm...can set things in motion we've never dreamt of...and perhaps a deed we do will soar...even without anyone even knowing it.
25 March 2007
"Remove Those Cases...Just In Case?"
Well, it only took them two days (received at 3:46 p.m. today)...but here it is (I just copied it over so it's in their words, not mine)...
Recall -- Firm Press Release
FDA posts press releases and other notices of recalls and market withdrawals from the firms involved as a service to consumers, the media, and other interested parties. FDA does not endorse either the product or the company. This listserv covers mainly Class I (life-threatening) recalls. A complete listing of recalls can be found in the FDA Enforcement Report at: http://www.fda.gov/opacom/Enforce.html Menu Foods Initiates Market Withdrawal of All Varieties of Recalled Wet Pet Food to Ensure Consumer Protection
Contact:Menu Foods 1-866-895-2708
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE -- TORONTO, ONTARIO -- March 24, 2007 -- As a result of reports from the FDA and various media outlets that some recalled lots of "cuts and gravy" style wet pet food remain on store shelves, Menu Foods has asked all retail outlets to immediately remove all impacted varieties of wet pet food posted at www.menufoods.com, regardless of the date code.Menu Foods remains concerned that consumers are able to purchase recalled items.There is no known risk from items not listed on the recall list but an abundance of caution is called for in this situation. FDA has been apprised of this action.####
Additional Information on this Pet Food Recall
FDA's Recalls, Market Withdrawals and Safety Alerts Page: http://www.fda.gov/opacom/7alerts.html
___________________________________________________
Recall -- Firm Press Release
FDA posts press releases and other notices of recalls and market withdrawals from the firms involved as a service to consumers, the media, and other interested parties. FDA does not endorse either the product or the company. This listserv covers mainly Class I (life-threatening) recalls. A complete listing of recalls can be found in the FDA Enforcement Report at: http://www.fda.gov/opacom/Enforce.html Menu Foods Initiates Market Withdrawal of All Varieties of Recalled Wet Pet Food to Ensure Consumer Protection
Contact:Menu Foods 1-866-895-2708
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE -- TORONTO, ONTARIO -- March 24, 2007 -- As a result of reports from the FDA and various media outlets that some recalled lots of "cuts and gravy" style wet pet food remain on store shelves, Menu Foods has asked all retail outlets to immediately remove all impacted varieties of wet pet food posted at www.menufoods.com, regardless of the date code.Menu Foods remains concerned that consumers are able to purchase recalled items.There is no known risk from items not listed on the recall list but an abundance of caution is called for in this situation. FDA has been apprised of this action.####
Additional Information on this Pet Food Recall
FDA's Recalls, Market Withdrawals and Safety Alerts Page: http://www.fda.gov/opacom/7alerts.html
___________________________________________________
24 March 2007
Inexcusable Omissions
If you remember the last blog I wrote - it dealt with my having Hill's Science Diet cat food - but luckily none with the expiration dates mentioned on the recall list...and I also mentioned that I was going to err on the safe side and not feed them any of the "cuts and gravy" type canned food for a few days "just in case". Well, I have since given them a few cans of it figuring no other recall was made and they definitely would have said something by mid-week at the latest.
Imagine my surprise...or should I say shock when I read this article tonight...which clearly states that aminopterin, used as a rat poison in some countries, was found in the product produced at the two plants and that they expanded the recall to include ALL 95 brands of the "cuts and gravy"...regardless of when they were produced. They announced this Friday, March 23...I am sure much earlier than I read about it around midnight. I even fed my cats two cans of the "cuts and gravy" stuff earlier tonight...so thanks for not initiating a new alert nor posting anything on the recall list about it. Hill's...I want to thank you as well as your website has remained virtually unchanged (except for the newer date, I don't see anything remotely different) from the first time I viewed it...on the 17th. If this new "rat poison" expanded recall does not pertain to any of your product...you should address this on your site and not make us worry unnecessarily...like I'm doing right now. I also haven't received any FDA automatic email recall notifications about this yet either...so, lastly I'd like to thank the government. Because of this my cats have ingested food which may have been contaminated with poison (they said in the article that "ANY amount in pet food is too much") - this is an outrage.
Now either the above news article has erroneous information in it or it doesn't...I'd like to know for sure. One thing's for sure...the recall list we all were relying on to be "up-to-date" didn't even have Hill's Science Diet included on it until recently. I was sent an automatic FDA email notification on the 19th initiated by Hill's...this information was not posted on the recall list until at least two days later (I was double and triple-checking like a maniac...trust me I would have seen it)...and I know they had to have been alerted...I was alerted...I'm sure they were. Unfortunately, this begs the question "Are there other cat/dog food brands that are left off this list...or the individual brand sites...we just don't know about yet and just how much longer do we have to constantly click on these sites to see if anything new's been added"? No pun intended...but we all certainly have to be our own consumer watchdogs, don't we?
Imagine my surprise...or should I say shock when I read this article tonight...which clearly states that aminopterin, used as a rat poison in some countries, was found in the product produced at the two plants and that they expanded the recall to include ALL 95 brands of the "cuts and gravy"...regardless of when they were produced. They announced this Friday, March 23...I am sure much earlier than I read about it around midnight. I even fed my cats two cans of the "cuts and gravy" stuff earlier tonight...so thanks for not initiating a new alert nor posting anything on the recall list about it. Hill's...I want to thank you as well as your website has remained virtually unchanged (except for the newer date, I don't see anything remotely different) from the first time I viewed it...on the 17th. If this new "rat poison" expanded recall does not pertain to any of your product...you should address this on your site and not make us worry unnecessarily...like I'm doing right now. I also haven't received any FDA automatic email recall notifications about this yet either...so, lastly I'd like to thank the government. Because of this my cats have ingested food which may have been contaminated with poison (they said in the article that "ANY amount in pet food is too much") - this is an outrage.
Now either the above news article has erroneous information in it or it doesn't...I'd like to know for sure. One thing's for sure...the recall list we all were relying on to be "up-to-date" didn't even have Hill's Science Diet included on it until recently. I was sent an automatic FDA email notification on the 19th initiated by Hill's...this information was not posted on the recall list until at least two days later (I was double and triple-checking like a maniac...trust me I would have seen it)...and I know they had to have been alerted...I was alerted...I'm sure they were. Unfortunately, this begs the question "Are there other cat/dog food brands that are left off this list...or the individual brand sites...we just don't know about yet and just how much longer do we have to constantly click on these sites to see if anything new's been added"? No pun intended...but we all certainly have to be our own consumer watchdogs, don't we?
17 March 2007
Hill's/Purina Recalls
Just thought I'd pass along a couple new cat/dog food recalls I received today which have not yet made it to the overall list. This morning I was glad to know that Hill's "Science Diet" wasn't involved until just now reading they, in fact, were...but none of the product codes match...but just to err on the safe side I'll not feed my cats any of the "cuts" variety until next week, in case they broaden the list later.
Also, this new recall affects Purina's "Mighty Dog" wet/foil dog food as well...so you might want to take note. I am sure they will be added to the overall list, but I just wanted to pass it on as soon as I could.
Hill's
Purina
Also, this new recall affects Purina's "Mighty Dog" wet/foil dog food as well...so you might want to take note. I am sure they will be added to the overall list, but I just wanted to pass it on as soon as I could.
Hill's
Purina
16 March 2007
Total Recalls
By now you've probably all read or heard about the recall of certain canned/foil pouch dog and cat food which can cause kidney failure in your pets. The whole list of companies/products involved isn't going to be released until 6:00 a.m. Saturday morning, but Eukanuba and Iams have already listed which of their products are included in the recall. If you haven't read about it yet, it can be found here: cat/dog food recalled list - the itemized list is not up there yet...but will be...in the meantime there is this: Eukanuba/Iams list .
Now, you don't have to wait until you hear these things from a friend or on the news, you can subscribe to the recalls and have them sent to you, via email, automatically. Don't worry, they aren't going to clog up your inbox...they don't send out that many...and when you think about it...if it can save your life or the life of someone you know, isn't it worth it? I've been doing this now for about five or so years...you would be amazed at the things that you never ever hear about that are recalled...and some actually are life-threatening...or can make you very sick...especially if you have a food allergy. You can go here... FDA Recalls to subscribe and/or to view a whole list of archived recalled items or here... Government Recalls if you want to get on a product recall email list as well as the food/medicine items...you know, when they recall child seats, power tools, clothing (yes, they do recall them sometimes), and other products. It's individually broken out so you can choose which you want to subscribe to.
Perhaps this will save a few lives...or a few visits to the emergency room...and you have the added benefit of automatic notification and being able to peruse the lists at your convenience.
Now, you don't have to wait until you hear these things from a friend or on the news, you can subscribe to the recalls and have them sent to you, via email, automatically. Don't worry, they aren't going to clog up your inbox...they don't send out that many...and when you think about it...if it can save your life or the life of someone you know, isn't it worth it? I've been doing this now for about five or so years...you would be amazed at the things that you never ever hear about that are recalled...and some actually are life-threatening...or can make you very sick...especially if you have a food allergy. You can go here... FDA Recalls to subscribe and/or to view a whole list of archived recalled items or here... Government Recalls if you want to get on a product recall email list as well as the food/medicine items...you know, when they recall child seats, power tools, clothing (yes, they do recall them sometimes), and other products. It's individually broken out so you can choose which you want to subscribe to.
Perhaps this will save a few lives...or a few visits to the emergency room...and you have the added benefit of automatic notification and being able to peruse the lists at your convenience.
06 March 2007
Consider if you will...
Here are some things that I've pondered the last few days...aka "filler as I haven't done a few blogs I've wanted to do, but this stuff was in my head already and I wanted to say it before it popped back out"...
Bullet statements: You'd figure by now they'd rename them something far less controversial, especially since students sometimes use them when they do their reports..."Sorry ma'am, couldn't do my term paper...that zero tolerance rule you know."
Flashlights vs batteries for said flashlights: I have a few flashlights...okay, I'll be honest, I have a whole slew of flashlights and wouldn't you know it, they all are dead or pretty much well on their way. So, I remembered to buy some batteries for them yesterday...C, D and those huge 6-volt-sized ones. As I was paying for them the cashier remarked to me that it would be cheaper to just buy new flashlights that come with the battery already. It's true. I bought a few on sale (batteries included) about two years ago, and they were indeed cheaper than just the batteries alone...and their cheap batteries last much longer than the primo ones. Next time I'm just buying new flashlights.
Why don't those "Good Housekeeping" and "Reader's Digest" magazines ever print any articles where the person doesn't come close to dying or some other equally life-altering dire situation? A nice "feel good" story for a change, like "I am Bob's Liver and Nothing's Wrong With Me At All Even Tho Between You and Me, the Man Drinks Like a Fish!"...something to make you go "Well, there ya go Martha...Bob drinks like a fish and his innards are fine...now go on and make me that 7th Scotch and Soda!". I was in the doctor's office the other day and read an entire "Good Housekeeping" magazine (yes, I waited that long)...one article was about a teenager who had been at football practice, hurt his knee, then two days later his parents were told by the doctors "if you have anything you want to tell him...you best do it now" because he had gotten a clot in his leg, pieces were breaking off and lodging in his lungs and he was getting septic as well. Altho he pulled thru, it just seemed so overly terrifying. Every time my kids have a bruise from this point on, I will be going into hyper-panic mode. Another article was about how this woman nearly died on board some cruise ship (or should I say "off" board) because after she slipped and hurt her arm...the cruise line told her to seek treatment when they docked. The foreign doctors in some "much less than sanitary" medical facility where they were wanted her to sign some paperwork to allow them to amputate some limbs...she and her husband refused and this "hospital" wouldn't let them "check out" until they paid a $1900 (or some figure) bill. Another cruise line's shipboard doctor gave injection after injection of blood thinner to some man he figured was having a heart attack. The passenger and his wife kept saying he had problems "exactly like this" with indigestion before...but no...the doctor refused to buy into their "expertise", relied on his own...even deciding to defibrillate him as well, thereby damaging this poor man's perfectly normal heart. Turned out one of the EKG leads was disconnected and the doctor thought he flatlined because he passed out from all the blood thinner medicine. Then they had the audacity to tell this couple to disembark the ship permanently as his "newly acquired medical condition" was jeopardizing the enjoyment of the other passengers. So...now I guess I'll never take a cruise either. Not that I was planning to...you see, you need money to do that kinda thing...which brings me to my last observation...
I've been trying, unsuccessfully mind you, to find a job here in Montgomery...for oh, about a year now. I have a brain, I have SOME skills...at least I'd like to think so...but the facts are that I've been a stay-at-home Mom for nearly 20 years and I don't have a college degree...no one will even call me in to do an interview...bottom line is they assume I can't function...or perhaps I don't need to function as I've been "not functioning" for the past 20 years and doing just fine in their eyes. I look at the want ads all the time and the majority of people it seems don't make a whole heck of a lot of money in this town...I know I'd probably jump for joy if I made a "whopping" $7.50+ an hour. But the thing that amazes me is how many people are driving really nice cars...new cars...or relatively new cars...and they all can't be making $30+ an hour. Everyone I talk to doesn't even come close to that, so how can they all afford these car payments, cellphones (oh, you know each one driving is talking on one), houses or apartments, clothes, utilities AND food...and that's not even taking gas and car insurance into consideration. And I know for a fact not everyone is married pulling in double income dollars. I'd really like to know their secret...please, if you know it, let me know...until then I'll be writing my highly anticipated "feel good" article for Reader's Digest, "How Mariann Found a Job By Complaining About Not Having One In Her Blog".
Bullet statements: You'd figure by now they'd rename them something far less controversial, especially since students sometimes use them when they do their reports..."Sorry ma'am, couldn't do my term paper...that zero tolerance rule you know."
Flashlights vs batteries for said flashlights: I have a few flashlights...okay, I'll be honest, I have a whole slew of flashlights and wouldn't you know it, they all are dead or pretty much well on their way. So, I remembered to buy some batteries for them yesterday...C, D and those huge 6-volt-sized ones. As I was paying for them the cashier remarked to me that it would be cheaper to just buy new flashlights that come with the battery already. It's true. I bought a few on sale (batteries included) about two years ago, and they were indeed cheaper than just the batteries alone...and their cheap batteries last much longer than the primo ones. Next time I'm just buying new flashlights.
Why don't those "Good Housekeeping" and "Reader's Digest" magazines ever print any articles where the person doesn't come close to dying or some other equally life-altering dire situation? A nice "feel good" story for a change, like "I am Bob's Liver and Nothing's Wrong With Me At All Even Tho Between You and Me, the Man Drinks Like a Fish!"...something to make you go "Well, there ya go Martha...Bob drinks like a fish and his innards are fine...now go on and make me that 7th Scotch and Soda!". I was in the doctor's office the other day and read an entire "Good Housekeeping" magazine (yes, I waited that long)...one article was about a teenager who had been at football practice, hurt his knee, then two days later his parents were told by the doctors "if you have anything you want to tell him...you best do it now" because he had gotten a clot in his leg, pieces were breaking off and lodging in his lungs and he was getting septic as well. Altho he pulled thru, it just seemed so overly terrifying. Every time my kids have a bruise from this point on, I will be going into hyper-panic mode. Another article was about how this woman nearly died on board some cruise ship (or should I say "off" board) because after she slipped and hurt her arm...the cruise line told her to seek treatment when they docked. The foreign doctors in some "much less than sanitary" medical facility where they were wanted her to sign some paperwork to allow them to amputate some limbs...she and her husband refused and this "hospital" wouldn't let them "check out" until they paid a $1900 (or some figure) bill. Another cruise line's shipboard doctor gave injection after injection of blood thinner to some man he figured was having a heart attack. The passenger and his wife kept saying he had problems "exactly like this" with indigestion before...but no...the doctor refused to buy into their "expertise", relied on his own...even deciding to defibrillate him as well, thereby damaging this poor man's perfectly normal heart. Turned out one of the EKG leads was disconnected and the doctor thought he flatlined because he passed out from all the blood thinner medicine. Then they had the audacity to tell this couple to disembark the ship permanently as his "newly acquired medical condition" was jeopardizing the enjoyment of the other passengers. So...now I guess I'll never take a cruise either. Not that I was planning to...you see, you need money to do that kinda thing...which brings me to my last observation...
I've been trying, unsuccessfully mind you, to find a job here in Montgomery...for oh, about a year now. I have a brain, I have SOME skills...at least I'd like to think so...but the facts are that I've been a stay-at-home Mom for nearly 20 years and I don't have a college degree...no one will even call me in to do an interview...bottom line is they assume I can't function...or perhaps I don't need to function as I've been "not functioning" for the past 20 years and doing just fine in their eyes. I look at the want ads all the time and the majority of people it seems don't make a whole heck of a lot of money in this town...I know I'd probably jump for joy if I made a "whopping" $7.50+ an hour. But the thing that amazes me is how many people are driving really nice cars...new cars...or relatively new cars...and they all can't be making $30+ an hour. Everyone I talk to doesn't even come close to that, so how can they all afford these car payments, cellphones (oh, you know each one driving is talking on one), houses or apartments, clothes, utilities AND food...and that's not even taking gas and car insurance into consideration. And I know for a fact not everyone is married pulling in double income dollars. I'd really like to know their secret...please, if you know it, let me know...until then I'll be writing my highly anticipated "feel good" article for Reader's Digest, "How Mariann Found a Job By Complaining About Not Having One In Her Blog".
05 March 2007
Killer Tornadoes
Firstly, I would like to send my condolences and prayers out to all those affected by the tornadoes the other day...especially those whose families and friends lost a loved one. It is always so terrible to hear such sad, sad news...and my heart goes out to all of you.
Well, a few much less terrible things have happened as well since last I've done a blog - I will try to get some jotted down into a readable format here in a little bit.
Well, a few much less terrible things have happened as well since last I've done a blog - I will try to get some jotted down into a readable format here in a little bit.
23 February 2007
Show Me The Funny...
My online friend alerted me the other day that late nite talk show host (and my personal fav), Craig Ferguson, stated he wouldn't be doing any more jokes about Britney Spears as undoubtedly this woman has a problem...which, when it all boils down to it, isn't exactly funny...and less funny to poke fun of considering how much other celebrity fodder there is out there. I watched Craig that nite and sure enough he mentioned how this statement of his was getting around the Internet and how big and out of proportion it all was...he just isn't going to make fun of her for needing and trying to get some help. I, and my friend, wholeheartedly commend him for saying this.
When exactly do you draw the line on a celebrity and what you can and cannot make fun of about them? Some of you probably know that I have an interactive online comedy website, HumorMeOnline, and have made fun of Britney, Anna Nicole Smith, and Michael Jackson more times than I could count. But, call me a comedy killjoy...there are certain things I personally don't find funny: Child molestation, untimely death, and making fun of God. I just won't go there in most cases...oh, sure I've picked entries from people dealing with the whole Michael Jackson thing...BUT once it was pretty much a given that he probably did molest children in some way...I stopped. Priests and clergy molesting children? I don't see the funny...we are talking about innocent children here...how can anyone, when you seriously think about it...think it's funny?
When Anna Nicole Smith died the other day, the FIRST thing I thought of was "Leno's going to crack some joke about her"...my friend online at the time, whilst I was watching Letterman stated "Leno just did an Anna Nicole joke". How insensitive. How downright disgusting. At least to me...and from everyone I've spoken with...to them as well. Here is this woman, surely one of the greatest people to come along to pick on...a ditzy blonde built like most women wish they would look like...the closest thing we had since Jayne Mansfield to poke fun of (Mansfield purportedly had a 160 IQ). But, here is this woman, Anna Nicole, surely a caricature by her own design (she couldn't have been that stupid to get to where she was neither if you ask me) - and granted, she sure did some things to make fun of...and a lot of us took advantage of all of that.
I, unlike a lot of people, HAVE to keep abreast (no not an Anna Nicole joke...not any more) of things such as these...it's part of my "job"...I host my comedy website...without knowing which celebrity isn't wearing underwear today...leaves me at a deficit. I don't subscribe to People magazine, or watch Entertainment Tonite very often...I've never bought a National Enquirer and I don't intend to. This stuff is all over the Internet - why should I waste my hard-earned cash to know something that's already up there for free? So, when someone rattles off an entry containing the words "Suri", "the breakup video on YouTube", or "Chicken of the Sea isn't chicken?"...I know who or what they are speaking about. I don't necessarily care that topless photos of Jennifer Aniston were on Perez Hilton's website...but I know it...I HAVE to know it.
And that brings me back to Anna Nicole. I knew she had a son...I knew she loved him a lot. EVERY single photo or video I saw with her and him...she was glowing...she was doting...she just loved him so much. She couldn't have been faking all that...honestly, I saw her on her reality show...she wasn't that good an actress. This was genuine. I heard John Travolta talking about her the other day on some show saying how, when she was in a film with him, all she did was talk about him...nonstop - she just went on and on. This is not the actions of someone totally focused only on themselves...this was a woman who was also a mother. A caring mother who loved her son...who also loved her newborn daughter. But her son died in the hospital coming to visit her when she had her daughter - talk about traumatic. How can anyone get over something like that? How do you deal with that? How can you possibly deal with that under the microscope of all those cameras? And she had to lose weight I'm sure...being a spokesperson for TrimSpa...with a lawsuit slapped on the company, and I'm sure the company breathing down her neck...well...you try to lose weight right after you have a baby. Just because they are celebrities, they don't have magic pills...they have the other ones other people have used for years...but most people aren't scrutinized and expected to do things like a lot of celebrities have to.
I admit, when I first read that Anna Nicole died, I thought "Okay, not a funny joke...what type of publicity stunt is this now?"...but it wasn't. To me...it was sad. Quite sad. But the making fun of her and her infant daughter which ensued directly afterward and goes on still...isn't sad, it sickens me. I can't tell you how many entries I received at my site alone joking about just that...and these people have to know by now I don't even gravitate toward that type of humour...and I won't...but the people who come to my site don't see the "behind the scenes" things...but that doesn't mean we don't get them...and worse. Oh, much worse sometimes. Yes, once in a while I still get World Trade Center jokes submitted...and Holocaust ones. Talk about some hilarious topics, huh? They say comedy isn't pretty...let's get real here...sometimes it's downright ugly...and sometimes it's just not funny.
Which brings us back to Britney...maybe she's on a big publicity campaign, maybe she's always just been bonkers...but one thing is certain "normal" people don't act the way she's been lately, and if it is depression, drugs, a last-ditch effort to keep custody of her children...well I don't think we should all jump on the comedy bandwagon and make fun of her continually. When do you (or comedy shows/sites) draw the line and say "Wow, maybe she has some mental issues here? Maybe we should just give her a little time to get help and sort out whatever demons she has to deal with. Maybe we just need to back off and go chase Paris Hilton for a few weeks instead." And THE ugliest portrayal of something disguised as comedy I've seen so far...and by far? AOL's main screen page, showing a photo of a giant squid, the four-legged duck, and Britney smack in the middle with this lead-in line above: "Take a Peek At These Freaks" - how calculatingly callous can they be...and this is entertainment? This is a news service? More like disservice if you ask me. That was, at least to myself, exceedingly offensive. To be on the receiving end of it all...poor Britney, she's still a human being after all. Show SOME restraint people.
So, I, too, will show some restraint...and until that day I see her being her usual "wacky Britney-self" again, I will try my hardest to go and haunt some other celebrity...there's so many of them out there...plus I really haven't "officially" picked on Rosie and Trump - I'm sure they will be in the news here again any second now...any second...
When exactly do you draw the line on a celebrity and what you can and cannot make fun of about them? Some of you probably know that I have an interactive online comedy website, HumorMeOnline, and have made fun of Britney, Anna Nicole Smith, and Michael Jackson more times than I could count. But, call me a comedy killjoy...there are certain things I personally don't find funny: Child molestation, untimely death, and making fun of God. I just won't go there in most cases...oh, sure I've picked entries from people dealing with the whole Michael Jackson thing...BUT once it was pretty much a given that he probably did molest children in some way...I stopped. Priests and clergy molesting children? I don't see the funny...we are talking about innocent children here...how can anyone, when you seriously think about it...think it's funny?
When Anna Nicole Smith died the other day, the FIRST thing I thought of was "Leno's going to crack some joke about her"...my friend online at the time, whilst I was watching Letterman stated "Leno just did an Anna Nicole joke". How insensitive. How downright disgusting. At least to me...and from everyone I've spoken with...to them as well. Here is this woman, surely one of the greatest people to come along to pick on...a ditzy blonde built like most women wish they would look like...the closest thing we had since Jayne Mansfield to poke fun of (Mansfield purportedly had a 160 IQ). But, here is this woman, Anna Nicole, surely a caricature by her own design (she couldn't have been that stupid to get to where she was neither if you ask me) - and granted, she sure did some things to make fun of...and a lot of us took advantage of all of that.
I, unlike a lot of people, HAVE to keep abreast (no not an Anna Nicole joke...not any more) of things such as these...it's part of my "job"...I host my comedy website...without knowing which celebrity isn't wearing underwear today...leaves me at a deficit. I don't subscribe to People magazine, or watch Entertainment Tonite very often...I've never bought a National Enquirer and I don't intend to. This stuff is all over the Internet - why should I waste my hard-earned cash to know something that's already up there for free? So, when someone rattles off an entry containing the words "Suri", "the breakup video on YouTube", or "Chicken of the Sea isn't chicken?"...I know who or what they are speaking about. I don't necessarily care that topless photos of Jennifer Aniston were on Perez Hilton's website...but I know it...I HAVE to know it.
And that brings me back to Anna Nicole. I knew she had a son...I knew she loved him a lot. EVERY single photo or video I saw with her and him...she was glowing...she was doting...she just loved him so much. She couldn't have been faking all that...honestly, I saw her on her reality show...she wasn't that good an actress. This was genuine. I heard John Travolta talking about her the other day on some show saying how, when she was in a film with him, all she did was talk about him...nonstop - she just went on and on. This is not the actions of someone totally focused only on themselves...this was a woman who was also a mother. A caring mother who loved her son...who also loved her newborn daughter. But her son died in the hospital coming to visit her when she had her daughter - talk about traumatic. How can anyone get over something like that? How do you deal with that? How can you possibly deal with that under the microscope of all those cameras? And she had to lose weight I'm sure...being a spokesperson for TrimSpa...with a lawsuit slapped on the company, and I'm sure the company breathing down her neck...well...you try to lose weight right after you have a baby. Just because they are celebrities, they don't have magic pills...they have the other ones other people have used for years...but most people aren't scrutinized and expected to do things like a lot of celebrities have to.
I admit, when I first read that Anna Nicole died, I thought "Okay, not a funny joke...what type of publicity stunt is this now?"...but it wasn't. To me...it was sad. Quite sad. But the making fun of her and her infant daughter which ensued directly afterward and goes on still...isn't sad, it sickens me. I can't tell you how many entries I received at my site alone joking about just that...and these people have to know by now I don't even gravitate toward that type of humour...and I won't...but the people who come to my site don't see the "behind the scenes" things...but that doesn't mean we don't get them...and worse. Oh, much worse sometimes. Yes, once in a while I still get World Trade Center jokes submitted...and Holocaust ones. Talk about some hilarious topics, huh? They say comedy isn't pretty...let's get real here...sometimes it's downright ugly...and sometimes it's just not funny.
Which brings us back to Britney...maybe she's on a big publicity campaign, maybe she's always just been bonkers...but one thing is certain "normal" people don't act the way she's been lately, and if it is depression, drugs, a last-ditch effort to keep custody of her children...well I don't think we should all jump on the comedy bandwagon and make fun of her continually. When do you (or comedy shows/sites) draw the line and say "Wow, maybe she has some mental issues here? Maybe we should just give her a little time to get help and sort out whatever demons she has to deal with. Maybe we just need to back off and go chase Paris Hilton for a few weeks instead." And THE ugliest portrayal of something disguised as comedy I've seen so far...and by far? AOL's main screen page, showing a photo of a giant squid, the four-legged duck, and Britney smack in the middle with this lead-in line above: "Take a Peek At These Freaks" - how calculatingly callous can they be...and this is entertainment? This is a news service? More like disservice if you ask me. That was, at least to myself, exceedingly offensive. To be on the receiving end of it all...poor Britney, she's still a human being after all. Show SOME restraint people.
So, I, too, will show some restraint...and until that day I see her being her usual "wacky Britney-self" again, I will try my hardest to go and haunt some other celebrity...there's so many of them out there...plus I really haven't "officially" picked on Rosie and Trump - I'm sure they will be in the news here again any second now...any second...
15 February 2007
What Price Romance?
Well, I've been remiss in doing a blog here it seems. I've had a couple people write to tell me that they've missed them and wondered when I was going to write another. That, of course, made me feel good...as not everyone out there who reads these things comments on them. I know a few bloggers here have mentioned the lack of comments on their own blogs and I just wanted to assure them here that this alone is not necessarily any indicator that theirs aren't being read and thoroughly enjoyed. Now with that said, I will try my utmost to remember this myself and get a few churned out each week.
I know, I know...I said I would do the "gun blog" as a few of you have pointed out...and I will...and I also know you are perched on the edge of your seats with bated breath just anticipating when that day may indeed come. Yes, that was tongue in cheek there...but since some of you did ask, I only wanted to let you know I haven't forgotten. I just thought a "romance-themed" one was more timely as it was indeed Valentine's Day yesterday (oh, don't tell me you forgot)...so here goes...
Valentine's Day...just what is it? A day to remember your sweetheart...a day the stores made up to get rid of all those items you returned at Christmas...a day to show off to your friends in the office that you had a bouquet of roses, a teddy bear and balloons sent to you...and nobody else did? Well...I think it might be a combination of those. Yes, I'm cynical and bitter because, well...I come from Jersey and it's a birthright...BUT I am also a diehard romantic at heart.
No...seriously, I am.
I was watching Craig Ferguson last nite...love Craig Ferguson by the way...but he pointed out about the "romance" factor as well...as I'm sure every late show host did last nite. One question he asked was, in essence, "Why do women think that a horse-drawn carriage ride around Central Park is romantic?" I'll tell ya why, Craig...because 99.7% of us haven't EXPERIENCED one yet. And therein lies the crux of the matter in a nutshell.
Men...let me give you a little advice...well, only those of you who need advice...and there's only about .3% of you who don't need it...so I'd listen up. Trust me...I'm female. We all yearn to be that woman in the office who gets the roses...we all want to trip her when she goes out to her car with the roses, precariously balancing her teddy bear and cellphone in one hand and her purse and flower/balloon dealie with the other...we want to see them hurtle to the ground and fall in a puddle as she tries to retrieve her car keys...that's how badly we want to be that person. It's not because we so badly want a dozen roses that go for triple their market price one day a year...we don't want any stupid teddy bears...and we certainly don't want any mylar balloons (well, okay...maybe the balloon...but only if it's really nice)...what we DO want is some recognition that we indeed are admired. Admiration is a good thing...when that admiration comes from Marge in the office who didn't get any flowers sent to her, it's nice...when it comes from a man who would take the time to send those flowers...or bring them in himself, well, it's even nicer.
And...it doesn't stop there. No, it doesn't. You don't get off that easily...and you won't be...if you catch my drift...because one day a year should not cut it. Tossing some candy down on the table with a card on your way into the house as nonchalantly as you would your car keys and coat is not romantic. Now, I won't say it here...but we all know what guys want in return for that candy and card...and if your woman has any sense, she'll take about as long at it as you spent picking out that lame card. You reap what you sow...so put some time and thought into it...and do it more than one day a year. I bet if you left some "silly little romantic notes" around the house for your lady throughout the year...you'd find out she'd be a lot more accommodating. Carriage rides? Oh, yes, they might be corny...but I've never been on one...and you can bet if I had been whisked off to a surprise romantic dinner (not too surprised...we want to look good, you know) once in a while, had some romantic notes placed around where I could find them, and given flowers without "expecting" anything in return...well...you do the math.
It's all in the presentation...you've got to have feelings involved...you just can't go thru the motions and then complain when we "go thru the motions" without having any emotion behind it. Why can't you prepare a nice candlelit dinner for your lady once in a while...and on no special occasion...just "because you appreciate her" should be occasion enough. Don't wait for some obligatory holiday to roll around once a year to force you to be one of a pack of lemmings: "Stand in line...buy card...stand in line...buy flowers...stand in line...buy candy." Romance isn't all about that stuff...it's about being made to feel special...and you don't need a Donald Trump income (or at least you shouldn't - if you do, you're with some unappreciative lady) in order to romance someone. Take time to see what you both like...because it really should work both ways. If she likes planting things in her garden...get up early one day and pull some weeds out for her...or hide a homemade card for her where she'll find it. Trust me...homemade cards, where you write your own sentiments...worth more than any Hallmark store's complete inventory. If he likes to watch football...go online and Google "football terms", learn some and toss some out randomly just to see his reaction. Take the time to KNOW what's important to each other...and that doesn't cost a thing. You see? Silly, no?
No...I don't think so.
I know, I know...I said I would do the "gun blog" as a few of you have pointed out...and I will...and I also know you are perched on the edge of your seats with bated breath just anticipating when that day may indeed come. Yes, that was tongue in cheek there...but since some of you did ask, I only wanted to let you know I haven't forgotten. I just thought a "romance-themed" one was more timely as it was indeed Valentine's Day yesterday (oh, don't tell me you forgot)...so here goes...
Valentine's Day...just what is it? A day to remember your sweetheart...a day the stores made up to get rid of all those items you returned at Christmas...a day to show off to your friends in the office that you had a bouquet of roses, a teddy bear and balloons sent to you...and nobody else did? Well...I think it might be a combination of those. Yes, I'm cynical and bitter because, well...I come from Jersey and it's a birthright...BUT I am also a diehard romantic at heart.
No...seriously, I am.
I was watching Craig Ferguson last nite...love Craig Ferguson by the way...but he pointed out about the "romance" factor as well...as I'm sure every late show host did last nite. One question he asked was, in essence, "Why do women think that a horse-drawn carriage ride around Central Park is romantic?" I'll tell ya why, Craig...because 99.7% of us haven't EXPERIENCED one yet. And therein lies the crux of the matter in a nutshell.
Men...let me give you a little advice...well, only those of you who need advice...and there's only about .3% of you who don't need it...so I'd listen up. Trust me...I'm female. We all yearn to be that woman in the office who gets the roses...we all want to trip her when she goes out to her car with the roses, precariously balancing her teddy bear and cellphone in one hand and her purse and flower/balloon dealie with the other...we want to see them hurtle to the ground and fall in a puddle as she tries to retrieve her car keys...that's how badly we want to be that person. It's not because we so badly want a dozen roses that go for triple their market price one day a year...we don't want any stupid teddy bears...and we certainly don't want any mylar balloons (well, okay...maybe the balloon...but only if it's really nice)...what we DO want is some recognition that we indeed are admired. Admiration is a good thing...when that admiration comes from Marge in the office who didn't get any flowers sent to her, it's nice...when it comes from a man who would take the time to send those flowers...or bring them in himself, well, it's even nicer.
And...it doesn't stop there. No, it doesn't. You don't get off that easily...and you won't be...if you catch my drift...because one day a year should not cut it. Tossing some candy down on the table with a card on your way into the house as nonchalantly as you would your car keys and coat is not romantic. Now, I won't say it here...but we all know what guys want in return for that candy and card...and if your woman has any sense, she'll take about as long at it as you spent picking out that lame card. You reap what you sow...so put some time and thought into it...and do it more than one day a year. I bet if you left some "silly little romantic notes" around the house for your lady throughout the year...you'd find out she'd be a lot more accommodating. Carriage rides? Oh, yes, they might be corny...but I've never been on one...and you can bet if I had been whisked off to a surprise romantic dinner (not too surprised...we want to look good, you know) once in a while, had some romantic notes placed around where I could find them, and given flowers without "expecting" anything in return...well...you do the math.
It's all in the presentation...you've got to have feelings involved...you just can't go thru the motions and then complain when we "go thru the motions" without having any emotion behind it. Why can't you prepare a nice candlelit dinner for your lady once in a while...and on no special occasion...just "because you appreciate her" should be occasion enough. Don't wait for some obligatory holiday to roll around once a year to force you to be one of a pack of lemmings: "Stand in line...buy card...stand in line...buy flowers...stand in line...buy candy." Romance isn't all about that stuff...it's about being made to feel special...and you don't need a Donald Trump income (or at least you shouldn't - if you do, you're with some unappreciative lady) in order to romance someone. Take time to see what you both like...because it really should work both ways. If she likes planting things in her garden...get up early one day and pull some weeds out for her...or hide a homemade card for her where she'll find it. Trust me...homemade cards, where you write your own sentiments...worth more than any Hallmark store's complete inventory. If he likes to watch football...go online and Google "football terms", learn some and toss some out randomly just to see his reaction. Take the time to KNOW what's important to each other...and that doesn't cost a thing. You see? Silly, no?
No...I don't think so.
07 February 2007
Houston, we have a problem...
I'm sure by now all of you have probably read or heard about the NASA astronaut, Lisa Nowak, who, by the way, holds a master's degree in aeronautical engineering, went rather "out of orbit" yesterday brandishing a wig, pepper spray, a BB-gun, and various other incriminating implements (rubber tubing, a mallet, a 4-inch bladed knife, and large garbage bags) most people just don't carry around with them on most given days...and undoubtedly attempted to get inside the vehicle of Coleen Shipman, a woman whom Nowak believed to be her romantic rival getting in the way of her endeavours to woo fellow astronaut, William Oefelein. Whew! With me so far?
These are the things soap operas are made of...or they will be by next week. Anyway...the alleged story goes that Nowak had something "more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship" with Oefelein.
Here's my take on it all...and purely my take: In female terms, in a nutshell (no pun intended): Nowak wanted him to feel the same about her and return her affections and so far it just hadn't worked. So...what to do...what to do? With the breakdown of her 19-year marriage, which may or may not have been hurried along because of her unrequited feelings for Oefelein, who is unmarried, by the way...she probably felt she was at an impasse and HAD to do something or she would lose her man...whom she didn't have yet. But, by golly, evidenced by her reactions yesterday, she sure wanted him badly enough to not only scrap a job most people could only dream of...but also ruined any chance to remain a mother (she will, of course, remain their mother...but probably from a jail cell for a long while) to her twin 5-year-old girls and also her 14 or 15-year-old son. Now, I have two children...and I tell you...it would be a cold day in Hell before I put myself first...especially in this type of context...over my responsibility to be there for them as a mother. Ain't gonna happen.
But back to the story...Nowak is now released on bond, tethered to a monitoring device. Personally, I'd think she was pretty unstable and needed to go thru some mandatory court-ordered psychological work-up before sending her on her merry way. This woman is definitely NOT thinking correctly...I'm sure her lawyers and psychologists will come up with some fancy terminology to explain it all...let's see...hmmm...how about "Space Dementia"? "Yes, my client has been in space too long and the lack of oxygen has undoubtedly affected her brain. She never would have had these delusional thoughts otherwise." Can't you just see them force-feeding this line to a jury of her peers...which, seriously...how are they going to find a jury of her peers anyway? Shut down NASA for the duration of the trial? Anyway...this line of mental reasoning (mine by the way...purely mine...nothing verified) got me thinking: Doesn't NASA routinely kinda "screen" their workers, especially astronauts, for mental stability? Face it, they don't exactly want someone to go all wackadoo upon reentry or docking to some 200 billion dollar space doohickey. And NASA should have known about the commotion at her house leading up to the demise of her marriage, and I quote from the AP article written by Mike Schneider: "In November, a neighbor reported hearing the sounds of dishes being thrown inside Nowak's Houston-area home, and the police came. And weeks ago, Nowak and her husband separated after 19 years." Granted a neighbour just spouting off at the mouth to the press saying "Oh my yes...they were always yelling in there...I told my husband something was bound to happen...didn't I say that more than once, Harold? Harold? Harold, didn't I???" is quite different from the police being sent over and having it all nicely documented on some police blotter downtown. Shouldn't someone in some NASA capacity have said, "Ya know, let's maybe see if she is okay...maybe this whole divorce thing is really getting to her...let's get her in to see one of our psychologists...you know, just in case."
This is starting to make the movie, "Armageddon", seem a LITTLE bit more believable with each subsequent article I read...and that is sad.
I, as well, feel sad...very sad...not only for the woman, Shipman, whom Nowak is now charged with attempting to murder (in the first degree if I'm not mistaken...she did have those "things" in the car, after all...she went there all prepared)...because, no one should be stalked and then subsequently "done away with" because someone else thinks so...and thank goodness it didn't go that far...but also for Nowak's children. Losing a mother when the "inevitable time" comes is hard enough to take..."losing" one because of circumstances such as these, which were unquestionably preventable somehow (I don't claim to have all the answers here...I'm just saying someone should have gotten help for her, herself included) must be sheer torture. One minute your mom's on some space shuttle mission setting a role-model for all the little would-be female aeronautical engineers and astronauts out there, the next she's in jail for trying to off some woman...all for the love of some man...who, as far as we know, never professed any love for her. And, I feel sad for Nowak...a brilliant, challenging, and probably greatly rewarding career...gone. What I wouldn't give to have the brains to hold a NASA job...any of them (well, not janitor) - and she did. But with all that intelligence she didn't have sense enough to realize that no man was worth all this...and one thing shines clearer than any view from any window out in space: She definitely won't get him now.
These are the things soap operas are made of...or they will be by next week. Anyway...the alleged story goes that Nowak had something "more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship" with Oefelein.
Here's my take on it all...and purely my take: In female terms, in a nutshell (no pun intended): Nowak wanted him to feel the same about her and return her affections and so far it just hadn't worked. So...what to do...what to do? With the breakdown of her 19-year marriage, which may or may not have been hurried along because of her unrequited feelings for Oefelein, who is unmarried, by the way...she probably felt she was at an impasse and HAD to do something or she would lose her man...whom she didn't have yet. But, by golly, evidenced by her reactions yesterday, she sure wanted him badly enough to not only scrap a job most people could only dream of...but also ruined any chance to remain a mother (she will, of course, remain their mother...but probably from a jail cell for a long while) to her twin 5-year-old girls and also her 14 or 15-year-old son. Now, I have two children...and I tell you...it would be a cold day in Hell before I put myself first...especially in this type of context...over my responsibility to be there for them as a mother. Ain't gonna happen.
But back to the story...Nowak is now released on bond, tethered to a monitoring device. Personally, I'd think she was pretty unstable and needed to go thru some mandatory court-ordered psychological work-up before sending her on her merry way. This woman is definitely NOT thinking correctly...I'm sure her lawyers and psychologists will come up with some fancy terminology to explain it all...let's see...hmmm...how about "Space Dementia"? "Yes, my client has been in space too long and the lack of oxygen has undoubtedly affected her brain. She never would have had these delusional thoughts otherwise." Can't you just see them force-feeding this line to a jury of her peers...which, seriously...how are they going to find a jury of her peers anyway? Shut down NASA for the duration of the trial? Anyway...this line of mental reasoning (mine by the way...purely mine...nothing verified) got me thinking: Doesn't NASA routinely kinda "screen" their workers, especially astronauts, for mental stability? Face it, they don't exactly want someone to go all wackadoo upon reentry or docking to some 200 billion dollar space doohickey. And NASA should have known about the commotion at her house leading up to the demise of her marriage, and I quote from the AP article written by Mike Schneider: "In November, a neighbor reported hearing the sounds of dishes being thrown inside Nowak's Houston-area home, and the police came. And weeks ago, Nowak and her husband separated after 19 years." Granted a neighbour just spouting off at the mouth to the press saying "Oh my yes...they were always yelling in there...I told my husband something was bound to happen...didn't I say that more than once, Harold? Harold? Harold, didn't I???" is quite different from the police being sent over and having it all nicely documented on some police blotter downtown. Shouldn't someone in some NASA capacity have said, "Ya know, let's maybe see if she is okay...maybe this whole divorce thing is really getting to her...let's get her in to see one of our psychologists...you know, just in case."
This is starting to make the movie, "Armageddon", seem a LITTLE bit more believable with each subsequent article I read...and that is sad.
I, as well, feel sad...very sad...not only for the woman, Shipman, whom Nowak is now charged with attempting to murder (in the first degree if I'm not mistaken...she did have those "things" in the car, after all...she went there all prepared)...because, no one should be stalked and then subsequently "done away with" because someone else thinks so...and thank goodness it didn't go that far...but also for Nowak's children. Losing a mother when the "inevitable time" comes is hard enough to take..."losing" one because of circumstances such as these, which were unquestionably preventable somehow (I don't claim to have all the answers here...I'm just saying someone should have gotten help for her, herself included) must be sheer torture. One minute your mom's on some space shuttle mission setting a role-model for all the little would-be female aeronautical engineers and astronauts out there, the next she's in jail for trying to off some woman...all for the love of some man...who, as far as we know, never professed any love for her. And, I feel sad for Nowak...a brilliant, challenging, and probably greatly rewarding career...gone. What I wouldn't give to have the brains to hold a NASA job...any of them (well, not janitor) - and she did. But with all that intelligence she didn't have sense enough to realize that no man was worth all this...and one thing shines clearer than any view from any window out in space: She definitely won't get him now.
01 February 2007
In Sickness and In Health
Well, my daughter has been out of school all week...she went to the doctor and they said (or so she thinks they said...I wasn't there so I'll ask my husband tomorrow) she has bronchitis...she is now taking antibiotics for whatever it is she has. So far we've all (my son and I) been spared getting anything this year - I have been getting flu shots since I've had my two, count them two, pleurodesis (or is that pleurodesi...or, as I like to make it when I pluralize it: pleurodesiseseses) lung operations (for my bizarre catamenial pneumothorax thingy)...and so far, they seem to have worked for me. Of course, since I've now mentioned it, I'll get sick.
Anyway, I've been a little lax on the blog lately and I wanted to let you know why - but I will try to type off my "gun blog" tomorrow - one that I did a little research about the other day and I'd like to finish it...so, regardless of how you stand on gun issues, you might want to give it a read.
Anyway, I've been a little lax on the blog lately and I wanted to let you know why - but I will try to type off my "gun blog" tomorrow - one that I did a little research about the other day and I'd like to finish it...so, regardless of how you stand on gun issues, you might want to give it a read.
24 January 2007
How Too Sweet It Is...For Me
The British are coming! The British are coming! Well, not really...but the first Dunkin' Donuts shop was indeed set up in Quincy, Massachusetts, which is literally a very short 'midnight ride' away from Boston...and they...not the British, but Dunkin' Donuts...has plans to 'invade' the South. And I, for one, am exceedingly glad.
Now I am well aware that Krispy Kreme Donuts has a stronghold here in the South...and incredibly sweet snacks seem to be the stuff that everyone runs on in this part of the USA. So, if you like your pecan pies saccharinely sweet and go 'ga-ga' over Little Debbie snack cakes, which have got to contain more sugar, parts per million, than pure cane sugar itself (personally, they make me go 'gag-gag')...well, then...who am I to judge? But, if you are like me and didn't grow up with that proverbial 'sugar-water IV drip' in your arm, you just don't know what it's like not to like your sweets...well, "overly sweet"...especially when you KNEW what it was like.
I'll be perfectly honest with you...a pint of ice-cream can and has been known to sit in my freezer for months - I didn't grow up with mandatory desserts after dinner...so I am really not in the habit of eating sweets. In fact it was very rare indeed for us to have cookies or ice-cream in the house...and pies were only consumed during Thanksgiving and Christmas when we visited my brother and his family. I remember drives to the beach a couple times a year where we'd stop at those soft-serve custard stands on the side of the road...what a treat! If you've never had real honest-to-goodness soft-serve custard you are definitely missing out and I haven't been able to find anything that even comes close, and not for lack of trying. But, as a child, I think everything is heightened in the memory of your senses...if you perceived it was bad, it was horrid...and if it was good...it was great! Dunkin' Donuts was no exception. Once in a while we would drive past one and then double back to get a dozen...and at ten-years-old, they were indeed the closest thing to fine French pastry I'd have ever tasted.
I don't know if you even had the commercials here...the "Time to make the donuts" guy, a Dunkin' Donuts baker who would have to get out of bed at the wee hours of the morning to start making those delicious delicacies...in fact, I believe Dunkin's deal was they made them fresh several times a day. And we're not talking just two kinds of doughnuts...we're talking 'kid in a candy store' here...and back when I was a kid (and even now)...choosing just 12 out of that vast array to go into the pack was akin to pure torture...no one human being should really be able to dole out that type of 'punishment' upon another.
So, when I read an article online at USA Today a few months ago stating Dunkin' Donuts was going to take those reins and head down south and possibly into my neck of the woods, I was in sheer bliss. Getting a doughnut that isn't sickeningly sweet in this town? One with taste...well, you know...besides 'sugar-flavoured'? One that, if you don't eat it within minutes out of the oven, doesn't turn into a sugar-glazed wad of cardboard? Oh, please tell me it might happen...please tell me it WILL happen. Please tell me that people here in the Montgomery area will give them a chance like they've done with Starbucks and Panera Bread...and, unfortunately, for us non-sweetophiles, the all too obvious, Krispy Kreme.
Now I am well aware that Krispy Kreme Donuts has a stronghold here in the South...and incredibly sweet snacks seem to be the stuff that everyone runs on in this part of the USA. So, if you like your pecan pies saccharinely sweet and go 'ga-ga' over Little Debbie snack cakes, which have got to contain more sugar, parts per million, than pure cane sugar itself (personally, they make me go 'gag-gag')...well, then...who am I to judge? But, if you are like me and didn't grow up with that proverbial 'sugar-water IV drip' in your arm, you just don't know what it's like not to like your sweets...well, "overly sweet"...especially when you KNEW what it was like.
I'll be perfectly honest with you...a pint of ice-cream can and has been known to sit in my freezer for months - I didn't grow up with mandatory desserts after dinner...so I am really not in the habit of eating sweets. In fact it was very rare indeed for us to have cookies or ice-cream in the house...and pies were only consumed during Thanksgiving and Christmas when we visited my brother and his family. I remember drives to the beach a couple times a year where we'd stop at those soft-serve custard stands on the side of the road...what a treat! If you've never had real honest-to-goodness soft-serve custard you are definitely missing out and I haven't been able to find anything that even comes close, and not for lack of trying. But, as a child, I think everything is heightened in the memory of your senses...if you perceived it was bad, it was horrid...and if it was good...it was great! Dunkin' Donuts was no exception. Once in a while we would drive past one and then double back to get a dozen...and at ten-years-old, they were indeed the closest thing to fine French pastry I'd have ever tasted.
I don't know if you even had the commercials here...the "Time to make the donuts" guy, a Dunkin' Donuts baker who would have to get out of bed at the wee hours of the morning to start making those delicious delicacies...in fact, I believe Dunkin's deal was they made them fresh several times a day. And we're not talking just two kinds of doughnuts...we're talking 'kid in a candy store' here...and back when I was a kid (and even now)...choosing just 12 out of that vast array to go into the pack was akin to pure torture...no one human being should really be able to dole out that type of 'punishment' upon another.
So, when I read an article online at USA Today a few months ago stating Dunkin' Donuts was going to take those reins and head down south and possibly into my neck of the woods, I was in sheer bliss. Getting a doughnut that isn't sickeningly sweet in this town? One with taste...well, you know...besides 'sugar-flavoured'? One that, if you don't eat it within minutes out of the oven, doesn't turn into a sugar-glazed wad of cardboard? Oh, please tell me it might happen...please tell me it WILL happen. Please tell me that people here in the Montgomery area will give them a chance like they've done with Starbucks and Panera Bread...and, unfortunately, for us non-sweetophiles, the all too obvious, Krispy Kreme.
20 January 2007
The Last of the Comet
Well, the comet has come and gone and I didn't get to see anything due to it being hidden beneath days and nights of cloud cover...not that I would have stood out there braving 40 degree temperatures mind you...yes, we displaced New Jerseyites are the worst. Forty degrees in January in Jersey means we put on a long-sleeved shirt and take the coat off...get out our etiquette manuals (hey, New Jersey has ONE...we share it) and see when we can wear white again. But I've lived here for 17 years...now forty degrees means I am NOT going outside unless it's worth my while...and since it only snows in Los Angeles and not in Wetumpka this time of year...I have nothing to go outside to see...especially since the comet won that game of hide-and-seek with me...unfortunately.
And for those of you who were wondering: This now concludes our "comet trilogy"...we shall return to our regularly scheduled blogtalk any day now.
And for those of you who were wondering: This now concludes our "comet trilogy"...we shall return to our regularly scheduled blogtalk any day now.
13 January 2007
Waiting For McNaught
I can't believe my ears...or eyes. I haven't heard or read word one about Comet McNaught here yet...and it's going to be gone in a flash. I even checked out the W.A. Gayle Planetarium site...and other than needing to be updated (c'mon, there has to be a bunch of amateur astronomers in the Montgomery area who can contribute some dialogue to this waning site)...there's only one photo displaying the comet (hiding under "Picture of the Day")...and just a tiny tidbit talking about it.
Well, I've been talking about it for some time...in fact, that's one of the reasons I bought my children the telescope...because of this...and, of course, to see all the other interesting night sky stuff. So, I have my "find it in the sky" program that is very nifty indeed...in fact we sped it up to the year 3000 today just for the fun of it. Anyway, it shows you where things are in your area...and I asked a neighbour if I could camp out on his lawn as they have a magnificent panoramic view of the evening sky. The comet is supposed to show up right near where the sun sets...only, as luck would have it, it was obscured by clouds tonight...or so I'm hoping. I'd much rather cloud-cover be the case than the alternative: Simply cannot been seen in our night sky. I admit we didn't try with the telescope...I was hoping it would be as bright as Comet Hale-Bopp was in 1997...that one was utterly amazing to me...and the first and only one I've seen. I'm hoping to see another.
So, I will steadfastly try again tomorrow and attempt to see it...perhaps we will bring the telescope on over to his overlook...after all, even if it's all for McNaught (bad pun intended)...there's still a whole lot of other celestial viewing material to pick from.
So, get out there before it's gone...and see it, too...and tell a friend or two...the astronomers are saying it's the best comet to come along in 30 years...don't let it pass you by.
Well, I've been talking about it for some time...in fact, that's one of the reasons I bought my children the telescope...because of this...and, of course, to see all the other interesting night sky stuff. So, I have my "find it in the sky" program that is very nifty indeed...in fact we sped it up to the year 3000 today just for the fun of it. Anyway, it shows you where things are in your area...and I asked a neighbour if I could camp out on his lawn as they have a magnificent panoramic view of the evening sky. The comet is supposed to show up right near where the sun sets...only, as luck would have it, it was obscured by clouds tonight...or so I'm hoping. I'd much rather cloud-cover be the case than the alternative: Simply cannot been seen in our night sky. I admit we didn't try with the telescope...I was hoping it would be as bright as Comet Hale-Bopp was in 1997...that one was utterly amazing to me...and the first and only one I've seen. I'm hoping to see another.
So, I will steadfastly try again tomorrow and attempt to see it...perhaps we will bring the telescope on over to his overlook...after all, even if it's all for McNaught (bad pun intended)...there's still a whole lot of other celestial viewing material to pick from.
So, get out there before it's gone...and see it, too...and tell a friend or two...the astronomers are saying it's the best comet to come along in 30 years...don't let it pass you by.
07 January 2007
Tele...scoping Out the Skies
Be it ever so Hubble...there's no place like home. Okay, so it's not the Hubble...but we did get a huge telescope the other day...a late Christmas present for my kids. Okay..I confess...it was for me as well...I've always been fond of space things. Space things, Greek myths and dinosaurs to be exact...but I digress once again.
Now I've seen enough space documentaries to know that there are certain things I just couldn't wait to see "in person"...and I'd been waiting in anticipation to see Saturn for some time. And time is what it took for me to locate it...even with skymaps and a stargazing CD program at my disposal. But what a literal high it was to see...in all its resplendent glory...rings and all...just like, well, just like in those documentaries. Altho I have to admit it did look fake...it looked like a drawing...one of those "NASA animation" things you've probably seen on television. And I had to sit and wonder just how incredible it must have been for the first person to find that thing...there amongst the multitude of white dots on the sky like so many polka dots on a sundress...each one looking exactly like the other...and then to realize it wasn't.
So I've deduced a couple things: Spying into the night sky and locating a pinpoint object, even with an 8" scope isn't as easy as it sounds...and darnit, even when you do hone in on it, thirty seconds later it's out of view and you have to find it all over again. It's rather odd to realize that we actually zoom thru the sky that quickly. Oh, sure, I could have gotten the "go to" telescope where you hit a few buttons and it will automatically go and "fetch" what you tell it to, but first off I thought that was "cheating", secondly, it rather costs a bunch more.
Altho I do fear that my ability to find a nifty nebula or a glistening galaxy is akin to looking for a needle in the proverbial cosmic debris haystack, I also believe the more I stick to it and learn what's out there and where, the easier it will become. I'm kinda banking on that, so please, please don't tell me this is totally futile...yes, you can snicker at me from afar, like so many of those twinkling spots of light out there. But for now I will be content to lug my 50 pound black tube outside of my home and scour the night sky like a celestial detective hoping to capture the elusive culprit...and to get some dirt on them...even if that dirt happens to reside literally light years away from me.
Now I've seen enough space documentaries to know that there are certain things I just couldn't wait to see "in person"...and I'd been waiting in anticipation to see Saturn for some time. And time is what it took for me to locate it...even with skymaps and a stargazing CD program at my disposal. But what a literal high it was to see...in all its resplendent glory...rings and all...just like, well, just like in those documentaries. Altho I have to admit it did look fake...it looked like a drawing...one of those "NASA animation" things you've probably seen on television. And I had to sit and wonder just how incredible it must have been for the first person to find that thing...there amongst the multitude of white dots on the sky like so many polka dots on a sundress...each one looking exactly like the other...and then to realize it wasn't.
So I've deduced a couple things: Spying into the night sky and locating a pinpoint object, even with an 8" scope isn't as easy as it sounds...and darnit, even when you do hone in on it, thirty seconds later it's out of view and you have to find it all over again. It's rather odd to realize that we actually zoom thru the sky that quickly. Oh, sure, I could have gotten the "go to" telescope where you hit a few buttons and it will automatically go and "fetch" what you tell it to, but first off I thought that was "cheating", secondly, it rather costs a bunch more.
Altho I do fear that my ability to find a nifty nebula or a glistening galaxy is akin to looking for a needle in the proverbial cosmic debris haystack, I also believe the more I stick to it and learn what's out there and where, the easier it will become. I'm kinda banking on that, so please, please don't tell me this is totally futile...yes, you can snicker at me from afar, like so many of those twinkling spots of light out there. But for now I will be content to lug my 50 pound black tube outside of my home and scour the night sky like a celestial detective hoping to capture the elusive culprit...and to get some dirt on them...even if that dirt happens to reside literally light years away from me.
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