A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

24 July 2014

Famous (Doctor Who-themed) NYC Restaurant

(A photo of a kimchi and spaghetti squash dish I made because I didn't have any restaurant photos...because I never take any with my phone.)

So, like I usually do, I'm sitting here clicking away on stupid crap people shared on Facebook because I'm a pathetic loser and can't seem to muster up the intelligence and wherewithal to write my book I keep saying I will write.

Anyway, I click on this one about a "famous NYC" restaurant trying to figure out why they seat the same amount of people as they did back in 2004...only now it's 2014 and they don't understand why they keep getting bad reviews and people are complaining about how long it takes, blah blah. So they pulled out an old surveillance tape and compared it to a recent one, after hiring some firm to do some research, and they were bowled over by the findings.

Um...first off, if you are seating the same amount of people you were seating in 2004...and it's 2014...and all you do is complain about how much longer it takes as everyone is using their cell phone -- this doesn't add up. If you are getting the same amount of people in your restaurant as you did a decade ago...and you are serving the same amount of people...and you didn't add a whole other room or anything...this doesn't make sense. If you are complaining that you are getting half as many people and it's taking the same amount of time as everyone is pulling out their phones, then that makes sense. You can't do both. If you hired more waitstaff...and you serve the same amount of people...um...walk around the restaurant your own damn self and see what is up.

Secondly, I've gone to restaurants - it takes me forever to shut up and make my mind up. I don't need a phone to make me indecisive...I can do it all on my own. I don't see the problem with me taking 10 minutes to peruse the menu and talk to whomever I am with. If you have a problem with that, I advise you to get a fast-food chain instead.

If people are taking photos of your food (and themselves enjoying eating it) and talking about you on Facebook and Instagram and you have an issue with that -- YOU have the problem. It's called "Free Advertising" and you are complaining? Seriously???

I could add three more things here, but I'll save you all the boredom...the article was written 21 July 2013 and you have 2014 figures? You should have known this ahead of time if you are capable of time travel. If you are capable of time travel - just pick the winning lottery numbers and get out of the restaurant business.

So...I call "bullshit" on this entire story...which can be found here:

Famous NYC restaurant


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