A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

16 February 2009

Rooms For Improvement

I have no real problem admitting to anyone that it took me...oh...probably a good ten years to find a living room table that 1) I liked, and; 2) I liked that wasn't over $1,000. I ran across the one I will keep for life while shopping at the now defunct Henredon Clearance Outlet in North Carolina. Oh, sure - they have another and another one as well...but not like the previous one. You could walk into the previous one and see rows and rows of extremely expensive furniture marked down to...well, something nearly everyone could afford. Save for a $10,000 sofa marked down to $2,000 that, IF I woulda had $2,000 it would be sitting here right now - directly across from me, never sat in, so I could just stare at it in wondrous awe. It was one of THE prettiest things I've ever seen. You can have your Renoirs and Picassos - I'll take that Henredon sofa I saw in North Carolina.

But, again I digress once more.

Not that the average person spends ten years looking for that one special piece of furniture - most of my things were bought at antique stores or by my mother (at antique stores) which I then commandeered from her (she would always say "I KNEW you were going to want that - that's why I bought it) on my visits home to New Jersey. The fun part of decorating your home is to shop...to seek out and mix and match furniture, artwork, and trinkets. The "'oohs' and 'ahhs', wishing and walking away, or happily walking away clutching that "buy of a lifetime" with a smirk on your face to rival the Mona Lisa's...making everyone who passes by you stop in their tracks and wonder what you just found that they just missed" experience. The whole enchilada: The coming home and placing that vase or bowl on your cabinet you bought three months before and going "SEE! It does look great...didn't I tell ya??" Plus, it's the satisfaction that YOU did it...face it, no one hangs your "masterpieces" on their fridge anymore...but that shouldn't stop you from getting that warm, fuzzy feeling that you did something that pleased someone - ever again.

But someone wants to yank our warm fuzzies right from under us.

I first noticed this gigantic omni-structure in Atlanta...and thought to myself "What is this gigantic omni-structure?? It can't possibly be what I think it is...that would be really stupid."

Well, now one cropped up in my very own town..."Rooms To Go". "Just what IS this thing?" I asked myself and set about finding out. Well, from what I've gathered, it's geared toward people who are just too lazy or unimaginative, or too much in a hurry, to throw together a room themselves. Now, don't get yourself all in a twitter...some people undoubtedly enjoy going into this store, as they have 110 stores scattered in the Southeast and Puerto Rico.

I don't know - I just don't subscribe to this "Garaminals" approach to furniture shopping. I think I would have a hard time if I were uber-rich and some decorator wanted to tell me what I liked...and what belonged with what...and why I shouldn't get what I like and to only get what they liked - because they know me better than I know myself...but I just don't know it.

I just made a quick "turn-my-head" around surveillance of my surroundings, and other than the fact I could use a maid, I really like what I threw together...with no help from anyone but myself. I like my cabinets, I like my mirrors, I like my antique throws, I like the pillows on my sofas which took at least four trips to that Henredon Outlet Store in North Carolina over the course of many years, I like the hodge-podge, "thrown together like I meant it all along" feel that my house conveys...and I REALLY like the fact I have a little memory...a story, if you will, which goes along with each and every piece of "stuff" I have crammed into my house.

And you can't get that from an "All-At-Once" type of store...but don't take it from me...take it from someone some store hired who probably just got fired from "Sonic"...after all, what do I know? I did spend ten years looking for a table, for Pete's sake. ;)


  1. Liisa VanDerMeer05 April, 2009 17:04

    I share your decorating taste, as far as finding and cherishing each item as it comes along.
    Don't think I could do a cookie cutter type of place either, and am certainly too rebellious to allow anyone to tell me what I like.

    You're the bomb!

  2. I was hoping to "talk" to you about a post you made on webmd several months ago. Sorry to leave the comment on your blog but I didnt know how else to reach you. I'm having the same issues and was just wondering what they did to help you.

  3. Mrs. Chief: Feel free to email me at Cadeaux@aol.com to ask me the question.