A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

08 February 2009

Dirty Writing

I'm still in wondrous amazement how our little human brain managed to evolve the way it has.

We have tools that can make things to take us to the furthest reaches of our galaxy, yet people can't shake the internal desire to inscribe "WASH ME" on the back of a dirty automobile.

As I sat and watched the man now beside me, who was only a few moments ago behind me in line as I dropped my daughter off at school; my thoughts, like a long ago geared mechanism (I'd like to think of this internal process as my own personal Antikythera mechanism) took hold of my otherwise unthinking brain and catapulted it into warp speed. All occurring because the man who waited behind me was now next to me making a right turn in his much nicer, albeit much dirtier vehicle than mine - had that very same (pardon the pun) 'older than dirt' decry hastily smeared on his back windshield.

Now, granted, most people wouldn't have given this "event" a second glance...perhaps it's not even really worthy of a first - but me, being the self-proclaimed "writer" that I fancy myself - (and have even taken it upon myself to pen in "writer" each time the "occupation" blank in the countless forms I fill out...presents itself) saw this and a chain reaction of sorts...ensued.

It kinda went like this:

Who first scrawled "WASH ME" on a vehicle? How did it manage to catch on - I mean, really - had it been on a car in Slapout, Alabama, chances are it would never have attained the domino effect it once grew to become. So, with that deduced, it must have been somewhere countless people could see it. How about LA? Sorry - unless you count smog as dirt -- plus the people there are way too obsessed with cars. Nope...no car there, unless it was on a movie set, has ever gone long enough without a wash and wax.

Chances are it was someone driving cross-country who ended up in a place with attitude, done by a person who didn't mind getting their finger dirty after doing it. This leaves New York. Chances are also good once they did it, they shouted out "Yo, Vinnie, getta loada dis!" And then proudly flipped him the bird with the very same finger...and proceeded to do the same thing with everyone he knew the rest of the day. So, what originally started off as something silly some guy named Sal did on East 34th Street - caught on.

"But", I thought as waited to negotiated the left out of her school, "Do naughty Amish kids, in their best penmanship, carefully write "WASH THEE" on buggies, snicker and run off behind Brother Jebediah's barn to watch the hilarity ensue?

Maybe this has been part of our culture much, much longer than anyone could ever imagine. Did ancient Mesopotamian children, after that first piece of glass dusted over, take their finger and gleefully, unknowingly, leave their mark in history?

Or did any one [of any] of the Pharoah's dozens of children draw three wavy water lines and a Cartouche on their father's sandy chariot upon his return from an outing in the desert - and then point that same dirty finger at their "lesser" sibling to take the rap?

And then the light changed...


  1. Ha ha ha! I often wonder how things "started"! Glad to see I am not the only one!


  2. I think that this practice goes much farther back than one might think, before even the invention of the wheel. Yea, I believe it dates back to a time prior to the invention of the thing we call "a bath"; thus, the first cave-painting-like version of "wash me" was probably chiseled onto the filthy ass of some Neanderthal who was busy wondering why all the Cro-Magnons were laughing at him.

    You are welcome for the lovely imagery.

  3. I bet it was the aliens who brought it over when they first visited Earth...some silly alien writing "WASH ME" (of course in his language) on the side of the spaceship probably inadvertently rubbed off some space debris which fell on the ground and thus was the basis for all life on Earth. So...there ya have it!

    Now, where's my damn Nobel Prize for finding out the origin of life on this planet?! :)

  4. I've had thoughts along this same line, specifically, why is it that tribes such as the Navajo and Chippewa (I love saying that by the way..."Chippewa") passed down family history and legend through nothing more than verbal tale-telling when the best 20th and 21st century America can pass along from generation to generation are "Trick or treat, smell my feet" and "Jingle Bells, Batman smells"? Just a thought.

    And as an aside, Mariann, I think I love you.

  5. You read one blog and you love me? Wow...what power I yield. :)

  6. A few months ago, I saw a vehicle with "I love sheep" in the dirt on the back.

  7. Funny stuff.

    Stumbled over here from Chris's blog, by the way. Well, not literally "stumbled"...