A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

27 February 2008

A Would-be Writer Rejoices and then Laments...Yet Again

Call me "Lucifera Hikock". Why? I'm getting to that part...just be patient.

Shakespeare once posed the question "What's in a name?" Well, old-time Hollywood apparently thought "a lot"...and so did countless writers, from Mark Twain to George Eliot to Diablo Cody...which brings us right back to Hollywood and the Academy Awards this past Sunday night.

You might not recognize her by her given name, but Brooke Busey did something I, and countless other people, would love to do one day: She won the Oscar for "Best Original Screenplay". The name she uses is "Diablo Cody" and that film was "Juno".

Now, before I start being perceived for being all "catty" like apparently all women are...according to all women and 90% of men...I'm not being catty...I'm being tongue-in-cheek. It's not my fault this woman was once a stripper, sports more ink on her than Cher and Tommy Lee combined, probably sold her soul to the devil to get her script published and now even bears his name, and makes it perfectly clear to all that "this devil" won't wear Prada...well, Stuart Weitzman to be exact...but she CAN wear Dior. See? Sounds catty, but it's not.

I salute her.

If she can do what she did...perhaps she can open doors for others who want to, but don't want to do what she did before she did it...in order to do it. Confused yet? Actually, it's not my job to confuse you...in fact I don't even have a job...but here I sit anyway, banging away on my laptop, writing a blog only a handful of people will ever read - hoping one day to get that elusive proverbial break.

I'll admit I have no studio contacts in Los Angeles, I don't have an agent and no one in Hollywood would ever give me an opportunity to write no matter how many of my clothes I remove...actually, they might give me one just to STOP me from taking any off...but that's not the point here. The point is there are female writers out there who CAN write...for heaven's sake; three of the five nominees in the "Best Original Screenplay" category were women! That's basically my point. Hollywood, across the board, really needs to give more women opportunities...but, especially so as writers.

And Diablo Cody didn't get this award because she once was a stripper or uses a nom de plume that conjures up a wild west demon...she got it because she DESERVED it.

But...just in case I'm wrong and someone from Hollywood is indeed reading this blog...I have this nifty pen name I came up with...


  1. Pen name? You mean like Parker Cross? That would be so cool!

  2. Don't make me smack you - plus all my pens seem to have these nifty drug names. Sheesh! Do you EVEN read these blogumns?! ;)

  3. I never saw "Juno", but critics, who I believe have an ounce of common sense, have winced at the thought of the lead actor in this film, using words like affected or pretentious to describe her performance. And if the clips I have seen are anything to go by, I heartily agree with them. If the rest of the film is anything like what little I've seen, it makes you wonder who was voting for best original screenplay. There must be a lot of ex-strippers in the Motion Picture Academy. I think the writer and the director of "Juno" must have been hand in glove in the making of their film, perhaps like a couple of teenage girls who think their little telephone prank will be the cleverest thing since sliced bread. I don't think a director with any kind of aesthetic sense would have touched a script with, how should I say it, such an unlikeable leading character who we are then expected to root for.
    Alright! I know! I haven't even seen the damn film. But after seeing those few clips, I now know this is one film I never will see. "Michael Clayton" should have won that award.

    I'm all for you saluting Diablo Cody for opening doors for women writers. Let's just hope that women who can actually write will then bust that door open wide, knocking Diablo Cody across the room and crashing out a third story window.

    Hey Hollywood! If you liked Diablo Cody, you could do a whole lot worse than Lucifera Hikock. While you're at it you might even give Laszlo Kovacs a try.


  4. Well, as much as I hate to agree with anyone (nah, just kidding) - I whole-heartedly agree with you. I, as well, have not seen the film...but then again, not having any real "cash" (I don't see any first run movies...I wait until they come out on dvd or one of the HBOs/whatevers) I haven't seen any that were up for nomination.

    I had mixed feelings about her (Diablo Cody)...I have seen her on Letterman a couple times and that kinda thing and she was always self-serving...not to say I wouldn't be in her shoes (yeah, not meaning another Stuart Weitzman thing here)...but darn...I have to say that winning an Oscar still trumps winning the Bulwer...altho, let's see her do THAT! So, on that alone I still have to give her oodles of credit.

    So, while I have had to turn my head and wince at some Oscar winners...like um..."The Piano", I can't exactly wince yet until I see it...so I have it in my Netflix queue. Personally, I never thought too much of "Little Miss Sunshine" or "Fargo" either...but I guess, perhaps like "Juno" might be...just because I don't like them, doesn't mean they aren't good. And gosh darnit (yes, I'm staying clean here) people liked them (hint of Sally Field here)...they really [musta] liked them.

    Still, I'm happy "The Bourne Ultimatum" walked away with a couple or three [Oscars] - those films (altho I liked the first two better) still were exceptional.

  5. Oh, and Ellen Page, I must say, did a stellar perfomance in "Hard Candy". Can't say the same about her role in "X-Men 3"...but then again...that movie did rather suck.

  6. Oh yeah, I have nothing but respect for people - talented or not - who figure out a way to make a life for themselves in this world without hurting anybody or doing anything illegal. And if you can throw winning an Oscar into the mix, more power to them.

    You're right. Taste in movies is a subjective thing, like taste in art or music. But when I'm looking at a work of art, I'm not going to be any more impressed by it if the artist overlays his canvass with a big yellow happy face just to be cute, nor, if I'm watching a concert, will I be any more impressed if the conductor grabs one of the violins and smashes it because she feels the curves perpetuate the sexual exploitation of women. This does not demonstrate a penetrating insight. It simply demonstrates a lack of maturity.

    Call it a bias, but I have always felt that if you are going to have a successful film or TV show in any genre, you have to populate it with likable characters unless you have a very, very clever agenda in mind, and few film makers are this talented. It's hard to side with a jerk, no matter how righteous his cause might be.

    If you're a film maker and you have any doubts about your level of maturity, just steer clear of a screenplay called "Juno".