A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

09 May 2011

Thinking Out the Box

I have been known, on more than one occasion, to have a drink or two...or suck down my Ambien and then start (or attempt) to write.

I've written emails, I've commented at news sites, I've written...and posted blogs I had no real recollection of typing in the first place. The lack of comprehension of the material I've purported to have some remote grasp on is astounding -- and my stream of consciousness when I'm barely conscious is, to me, utterly amazing.

This, of course, never stops me as I do it again and again.

What can I say...I love to write.

Once in a while I'll notice a typo AFTER the fact. That's totally logical -- as alcohol and Ambien, even with the best intention -- and relying on the "spell check" button, doesn't catch everything; especially if you use a word that exists but you put it in the wrong place. This is where re-reading something (out loud if possible) comes in handy. Usually if you re-read something...and do it sober...chances are you will catch things. Not all times. Most times.

I've written to fellow bloggers, privately, about having typos at their blogs...I've even written to big-time reporters at big-time newspapers, and they've always thanked me for doing so. One thing a writer dislikes more than someone catching their obvious (or not so obvious) typo...is making one and not seeing it...and finding out about it later after others have undoubtedly read it countless times.

The point I'm trying to make here is that we are all human and to err is human...to re-read divine.

I always get a kick out of it when someone who is trying to be "oh so knowledgeable" hits that "submit" button on a news story comment before realizing they are a complete and utter idiot. Or, a more likely scenario, having that fact pointed out, over and over again, by numerous people. While we all make silly typos once in a while - it's another thing altogether (or is it "all together") to mouth off and basically stick your foot IN your mouth...especially when you can't edit after.

And if that isn't enough fun...we have people who are placed in positions of power...even if that power is indeed transient or limited...who attempt to make a cohesive sentence and fail miserably. These people are typically referred to as "copy editors".

Okay, okay...while I admit that last statement was a true statement more times than not...it's not what I'm talking about specifically this time. What I'm talking about is an email which was sent to my friend in Texas after he complained about a food order at "Church's Chicken". I haven't changed anything other than the name, address and telephone number. This way, just in case the person somehow reads this, he/she won't go over to my friend's house and stab him to death. I'd hate to have that on my conscience...plus who would I talk to on the phone about people who can't write their way out of a paper bag...or, in this case "out the box"...to save their lives?

Keep in mind this was written by the Regional General Manager...in a state that may or may not be Texas. (Hey, I seriously don't want my friend killed.) This email has also kept both of us entertained for over three years now...

Date: Tuesday, January 22, 2008, 9:08 AM

My name is Bob Smith RGM with Churchs Chicken on Main Street. I'm so sorry to here, 12min was the wait time before you receiving your order. As well as the sauce from the wings was leaking out the box. Your comments will be address with the Restaurant team and staff. I would like to offer you a free complimentary 12 Boneless Wings reg frie and drink for your delay. Thank you for taking the time on letting us know how to better serve you. Please feel free to contact me at 555-4567

Thank You

Bob Smith

Sometimes you just gotta wonder what some people were thinking...and IF thinking was even involved at all.

What can I say...Church's Chicken...gotta love it! ;)


  1. Mariann, I hope I don't have a typo in this comment. You write better "impaired" than most people do fully sober! I love that pitiful letter! Poor guy! He can't help it I guess, but he really needs a secretary who likes him and won't let him sound like an idiot!

  2. I also don't know why I had all the extra spaces. For some reason whenever I put a photo in - each time I tweak it...it adds extra spaces between the paragraphs and the photos and I have to keep taking them out. I guess I should try to use Microsoft Word or something to see if it's not just an aol thing. It's bugging the crap outta me.

    And thank you, Linda.

    I was going to use Church's Chicken's new catchphrase: "Chicken Genius" - but I opted for the other one. :)

  3. LOL-I know what you mean about seeing the "typo" post-post (hee hee) and some of mine have been hilarious

  4. Hi, my be name be Bob. I'm da guy dat Mushmouth frum da Fat Albert cartoon show wud modeled after. And now be I be woikin for da Choiches Chicken. Life be good be baby!

  5. Yowza. Let's hope he has a better grasp on chicken recipes than he does on English.


  6. Thought I'd drop by to see if you survived the Google-Blogger meltdown and read something that would make me smile.........