A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

03 September 2010

My Incredibly Wickedly Brilliant (Albeit Disgusting in a Way) Plan to Get Rich!

I just walked into my son's room and, like the Grinch himself, got an idea! An awful idea! I got a wonderful, awful idea!

Hear me out here...

My son has a gorgeous head of curly hair. If you remember Roger Daltrey of "The Who"...think of him in "Tommy". Now think of Shirley Temple. Then quick...think of my son again.

Do you see what I'm getting at?


Haven't gotten it yet?

I'll tell ya!

I snip off a curl...and put it up on eBay. I claim it's a curl from Roger Daltrey when he was filming "Tommy"...or played at Woodstock...or some other such made up rot. Then someone bids some astronomical price...and I snip off another.

Rinse and repeat.


And when people get suspicious...I start selling them off as Shirley Temple curls. And, heaven forbid it's anytime soon...but when she...you know...um...dies...I take my bag of snipped off ringlets I've been saving...you know -- for kinda like "just such an occasion"...and become a "poor little rich girl".

I mean, c'mon...who there is going to run a DNA test on it? It would probably cost more than what they paid, right? I highly doubt Roger Daltrey is trolling eBay for the occasional odd chunk o'hair...and seriously, I bet a lot of girls he had "been with" took a few for mementos.

Well, there you have it...my "get-rich not so quick" scheme. And, as long as my son doesn't go prematurely bald...well, these little dividends will continue to grow and grow and grow...


  1. Wow! Is that really your son in the first pic?? Gorgeous locks!

    You know, if you get him to legally change his name to Roger Daltrey, youe eBay sales would be legit, technically.

  2. Yes, that's really him. His hair looks better if he just washed it.

    And I like the way you think, 00dozo...I never would have thought that. :)

  3. If you didn't mean to include a reference to the Grinch and the Who as a play on Whoville, that was a happy coincidence. And if it WAS on purpose, it was brilliant.

  4. Of course it was, Chris. If it wasn't, would I admit it after that comment of yours? ;)

    Actually, I did know about that one.

    Sometimes things like this flop out of my head and I wonder if I did it subconsciously or I did it totally by accident. Lots of times I wonder if anyone is going to notice them...other times I'm sure they're so glaringly obvious, especially when I point them out repeatedly throughout the blog, that the subtleness of them are long gone.

    I purposely look for things like this when I read other blogs, too. I know other writers have said they sometimes amaze themselves with it...and they don't purposely do it each time, either.

    The brain is a remarkable thing - I just wish mine didn't hurt right now.

    Anyway, thanks for your comment - I think I will now copy/paste/send it off to everyone I know. :)

  5. hahahaha...go ahead w/the plan, I won't tell

  6. Yes, do it, Mariann. Most of the rich people in this world are cheats and liars, and being honest will never get you anywhere. Do it, and enjoy the fruits of your labor.

    By the way, I once had hair almost exactly the same length and color as your son's hair. I hope that doesn't mean he'll grow up to be as ugly as me.

  7. Your son's hair is almost exactly as mine was during my late teens. Same shade, length, same tendency toward waviness/curls. Seriously. And, if you ever feel like scaring him, send him over to my place and have him peruse photos of me going progressively more bald as the years passed :-)

    Unfortunately, redheads do tend towards baldness more than darker haired people. Part of being a redhead, or a true blond, is that there are generally fewer hairs on the scalp to begin with, so loss of similar amounts will make the redhead appear to be balding more quickly.

    Of course, there is much more a person can do these days to retain/regrow hair, so maybe he'll be just fine. Hell of a nice head of hair, though. I didn't appreciate mine until just before I started losing it.