A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

14 February 2010

Olympic Musings III...aka "The Winter Games"

I am not sure how many people have been keeping up with my blogs...but for the sake of those who haven't -- I love the Olympics.

I always have and I probably always will.

I've been watching these things as far back as I can remember clearly - and that would be the 1968 Olympics (yes, I know I am old). And, as the games are on right now, I'm watching them as I write.

But there's a few things I have to mention regarding them before I go insane:

It's pronounced Biathlon...it's THREE syllables - not FOUR. See?
http://www.merriam-webster.com/cgi-bin/audio.pl?biathl02=biathlon There's no second "a" in it to make it Biathalon...even though, I must say, it sounds better that way. But, if you MUST say it, oh, like in a newscast...um Montgomery newscasters...please, for the love of all things sacred AND the English language...at least go look it up first.

And while I pick on Montgomery (as I've heard them say it wrong each time) they're not the only guilty ones, as some commentators AT the Olympics have been saying it wrong as well. But then again, they've hired people like Pat O'Brien, who, even if you don't count his smarmy sex-scandal fiasco, was about as annoying as they come. Sometimes I wonder if the average IQ of their commentators is a 5.8...you know, if you throw out the low score (typically anyone talking during the ice dancing competition) and throw out the high score (Bob Costas).

In fact, if it wasn't for Bob Costas single-handedly saving the show with his immeasurable talent and genial appeal alone, we'd be left to such riveting commentary as:

"Ooooh, that's gonna hurt them." Said anytime anyone falls in any sport. Really? So, "screwing up" isn't yet an Olympic sport??

"You really don't want to do that in an Olympic competition." As if, sub-par performances are totally acceptable during the nationals...or the world championships.

And my personal favourite...

"Well, Jim, he really wants to win it this time." As opposed to NOT wanting to win all the other times he's competed. Ugh.

And, seriously, how much money does Morgan Freeman need? And is Visa really the only card accepted at any Olympic game? So, there are actually Lithuanian and Slovenian Visa cards? I always wondered about this.

Oh, I'll wonder about that later and Google it. But for now I must get back to watching the games and the athletes...which, by the way, is only a two-syllable word. ;)


  1. I have a hard time getting into the winter Olympics normally. I watched it today though and it was delightful. My favorite was the Mogul skiing. It rocked. Felt a bit bad for the Canadians not winning it though.

  2. This is Morgan Freeman. You have pissed me off, and now you're scared because I have that Morgan Freeman voice that sounds authoritative no matter what I'm saying. And what I'm saying is that the official way to pronounce biathlon is now bi-ath-a-lon. If you don't like it, I'll have your credit card account cancelled. Goodnight.

  3. Christopher - Altho I like the ice dancing best - I'm really getting into the snowboarding stuff. It's like they can smash into each other, fall down, get back up and still win. And the winning guy is wearing jeans. Now all they need is some legalized marijuana and this sport would be really kick-ass. ;)

    Mike - Yeah...he does have a damned good voice - I'll have to say it's more expressive than the usual voice-over famous guy, James Earl Jones.

    "Get busy shopping...or get busy buying. Either way you say it...use Visa." I could hear that coming out of his mouth. (Altho "get busy giving..." would have been better...but not so Visa-y". ;)

  4. I like all that Japanese stuff with the word "sex" throw into the middle. Funny.

  5. Mike -

    I just saw that a few minutes ago - this is what is supposedly means when you use the "somewhat creative" Babelfish translater:

    [otemoyan] said… Putting out [setsukusuderiheru] package stalk opposite support sexual desire in masturbation opposite help SEX [huerachiosopu] opposite help business trip host hand [koki] breast [huerachio]

    Somehow I liked it better the other way with the "SEX" nestled in between.

  6. I was wondering that same thing just a few minutes ago, literally. What, they'll turn away your Mastercard if you're trying to get the official Canada Dog while watching the Men's Luge? Seriously?

    And did you ever stop to wonder if the second place biathlete ever pulled out the rifle and shot the leader? Would make it more interesting, that's for sure.

  7. Biathlon is still a mystery to me. I swear a lot of these sports were invented by drunk guys. C'mon, ski a little...shoot a target? It has beer cans and tree stumps written all over it.

    And what is with the speed skating relay and the "butt push"? There's gotta be like 58 guys out there on the track...how does anyone tell if someone cheated - there's people all over the place; if one guy didn't skate I bet no one would notice.

    Lastly, what kind of parent must you be to ever allow your kid to participate in the luge or the skeleton events? "Uh...c'mon Johnny, you don't want to play baseball, it's too wussy...real men barrel down a tube of ice going 90 mph."

  8. You may or may not have seen this one already, Mariann, but I figure you'll be despondent if you didn't and knew you missed the opportunity...


  9. Sully - I did, indeed, miss that one. I've been in a medical slump lately and haven't been doing things I ought to.

    I am going there now.

  10. hello i love the winter games play with the snow and sky down hill is awesome i really like the winter games.