A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

16 June 2009

Forrest Gump's Mom Was Wrong

Life is NOT like a box of chocolates - it's really like a game of Rugby.

I made this revelation only yesterday while being driven home from the doctor's office by my son.

Let me run some comparisons by you and you can decide for yourself...

Box of Chocolates:

- Okay, first off - "you never know what you're gonna get" - I claim foul on this one. Those Whitman ones always had the "lid diagram schematic" and Godiva comes with a "piece identifier" folded map-type insert. So, unless you are extremely daft...which Gump really wasn't...you'd easily be able to tell.

- You get a whole variety of them in there - if you don't like one, you can always spit it out, give it away, or try another. Sorry - in your one life - these are just not options.

- You can choose to eat your box quickly...or savour every bite and leisurely go through it. Sorry again, not so with life - it's really not up to you, now is it?

- Most of your little confections under that lid will be - well, sugar-coated and sweet - and only once in a while will you meet a nut. Ummm...not so in life...it's pretty much covered with nuts...and many times it will be very, very bitter.

Now to Rugby:

- To start, you don't get to wear any padding - whatever comes at you...you'll have no defense against it unless someone comes to your aid...and you'll just have to take what life gives you - head on.

- No time outs. You can't throw up your hands in frustration or desperation and have everything stop - you don't have the option to regroup - you just have to make do with what's coming at you.

- It's timed - into two 40-minute periods. When it's over...it's really over. Period. And sometimes there are absolutely no winners...and sometimes you win and...sometimes you don't. Sure, you do have the luxury of knowing when it will be over...but you still can't drag it out any longer - no matter how much you'd like.

- Lastly, it's governed by "laws", not "rules". Well...there ya have it - life in the proverbial nutshell...but...totally without chocolate.

So, I'm not sure if you agree...but I think my analogy works a lot better. Hmmm...I wonder what Tom Hanks thinks about this...


  1. What a great read!
    I am still giggling at it... although now I'm strangely craving chocolate. :/

    I love how your mind works!
    Two thumbs up!

  2. I just made a delicious homemade egg-a-muffin. Nothing to do with your blog. Just braggin'.

  3. Now I'm imagining the revised version of Forrest Gump...

    "Mama always said lahf if lahk a game a rugby. Yer always guh-na get beat up uh-venchally.and then it's guh-na jus' end."

    And that's all I have to say about that.

  4. Ya know, Chris...I like that version better - plus it would tie in better with the running he did and all the kids making fun of him on the bus. Chocolate? Sheesh...

    I'm off now to pen the story of his son... ;)

  5. Funny, funny and so true. Great comparison.