A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

02 February 2014

Day 2: It Was No Accident

Well, this is Day 2 of the "30 Minus 2 Days of Writing" challenge over at "We Work For Cheese"...and, I'm sorry to say it was no accident that I am again copying and pasting a previous blog I did (this one from last year).  But, in my defense, I really, really liked my blog about Punxsutawny Phil and since today is "Groundhog Day" -- it seems totally fitting.  Plus a whopping one person read it last year...maybe this year I'll get at least two.
 
Anyway...I promise not to copy/paste another blog of mine this entire month.  And do go on over and read the other entries for today's prompt which is "It was no accident".
 


Death to Punxsutawney Phil -- Too Harsh a Sentence?



Squirrel Goes Nuts -- Vows to Eat One Baby Each Day People Continue to Complain About Punxsutawney Phil




A mother squirrel in the neighbouring town of Slippery Rock, Pennsylvania, has literally had it with all the bad press lately about Punxsutawney Phil that she has vowed to eat one baby per day until the "madness has stopped".

The Slippery Rock rodent resident has lived in the shadow of Phil for too long and is tired of all the hoopla which descends upon the quiet and serene area of western Pennsylvania every year.

While the mother could not be reached for comment...she does live way up in a tree after all...we did manage to get hold of the following statement:

"Each year, without fail, right smack dab in the middle of mating season...all these news vans set up camp just to get a photo op with some lazy rodent who couldn't tell his ass from a hole in the ground" the upset mother of six (make that five) stated yesterday. "I know it's some human tradition thing that's been going on for years, but it wreaks havoc with my biological clock and a squirrel can only wait so long before she has to decide which mate to pick. Last year I picked Ralph...this year, it was Eddie. Ralph was no prize, trust me -- Eddie's even worse. All my other suitors relocated to areas further away because radio frequencies apparently inhibit squirrel sperm count. Had I known how my kids were going to turn out because of Ralph's mutated nut-juice, I would eaten them then. Now they are too big and I can't...so this year, I'm planning to eat one of Eddie's kids each day I see another news truck come barrelling through here. I figure he can't hold that against me and, since it's a noble cause for all the other wildlife around here, it's a win-win situation for all."

And I, for one, cannot agree more. Come on people...it's a rodent. A shadow-producing (or not), weather-predicting rodent in 2013? And we're going to ask for his head on a plate because he predicted wrongly? (People are actually calling for his death.)  Yeah, back before meteorology and calendars like the Farmer's Almanac...I could see people getting mad enough. But 2013?? No wonder the Aztecs were hoping we'd bite it in 2012.





(Yes, I know...literally vs figuratively...but literally still sounds better to the ear.)


14 comments:

  1. Bwahahahaha! Love it! Wish I'd seen it the first time around!

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  2. Wait, can I feed my kids to the squirrel in protest as well? Please?

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  3. Paula :)
    Niky - of course you can - then you take photos and sue someone. :)

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  4. Well, um, somebody's gotta root for the groundhog. I think it's being bullied.

    Ha!

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    1. Yeah, I say don't take it out on the ground hog, he didn't start this whole shadow thing.

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  5. OH MY GAWD! "has vowed to eat one baby per day until the "madness has stopped" HA HA HA HA HA that is SO FUNNY!!!

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  6. Don't diss the Phil! He's been at this a long, long time and -- uh. How long do ground hogs live, anyway. I think they keep replacing him!

    The squirrel should start eating Punxsutawney Phil babies. (Besides, Wiarton Willie is The Boss.)

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  7. I never understood the concept of if he saw his shadow it meant 6 more weeks of winter. Shouldn't it be if he didn't see his shadow? I mean think about it. Why doesn't the squirrel just eat Phil? That might put an end to all this madness.

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  8. Okay, I'm Finnish, we don't do Groundhog Day, so I am pretty much clueless here, but I'm still fairly sure I want the rodent dead. Or not. Whatever it takes to make winter go away.

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  9. This entry really scratched an itch for me. I've always found the whole Groundhog's Day thing bizarre as hell. It's pointless and absurd, and I'm glad somebody has finally said something about it.

    Also, the clarification of your use of the term "literally" came as such a relief in the end.

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  10. Well, I don't even know what the verdict was today as I was sleeping until now. But last year...they were blaming it all on the silly rodent...like it was his fault. It was silly.

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  11. Dah! There's so many Phils it doesn't matter. Get rid of one, another appears.

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