A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

25 April 2013


All across the world there are versions of this question ringing out: "What's for dinner?"

Now, I know some of you out there are good cooks, some might even be Julia Child-like...but there are some of you who think cooking involves a can of "Cream of Mushroom" soup, rice which never comes in contact with others of their species (how do they make rice that does that anyway - I think NASA had something to do with it), and a block of Velveeta.

While I'm not picking on you, I'm just amazed that someone can slap together a dinner, from start to finish, in the time it takes for me to wash my vegetables. Seriously, that's not fair...and that's as far away from being a gourmand than those rice grains are away...from each other.

Yes, I know...those "Iron Chef" people can make a dozen delectable dishes in the time it takes me to return from a commercial break, but I never see them wash their vegetables, either...so I'm discounting them. Plus being "quick like a bunny" never helped any rabbit in any cook's kitchen.

But, those of you who feel the calling to harken back to the bygone days of tomato aspics expertly molded into regal Crimean lion poses -- and little racks of lamb with the tiny white chef's hat lovingly placed upon each little lamb-bone...I bring to you a gem of a recipe I recently unearthed in my vintage 1941 "The Escoffier Cook Book"...

So the next time you scoff because that burrito in the microwave is taking longer than 1:21 to cook or that you can't believe the skyrocketing price of a dented can of Le Sueur baby peas...just be glad that you'll probably never cause a grand societal faux pas embarrassing yourself by mistakenly stirring your iced tea with your marrow spoon.

Now...about that dinner...

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