A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

06 April 2006

Be...cause célèbre

"What's Nick Lachey up to since his split from Jessica Simpson?" "Who did Tara from 'The Bachelor' go to 'Ice Age 2's premiere with?" "The person who came in 22nd in last year's 'American Idol' is sporting the next celeb-baby-bump!" Who cares? I don't know of one single person who cares. In fact, when I ask them if they care, they vehemently deny it. I see people on TV go on and on about how they could care less who these "destined for future performances on 'Dancing with the Stars'" celebrities saw or spoke to, dated, or smooched. So if no one cares, that brings me to only one logical conclusion: Those "People"-type magazines are making this stuff up because it's filler. "Hey, did Jennifer Aniston do something today? No? Okay...key up that story about that guy who once dated Princess Diana's sister's friend...and run it on page 2...where everyone can see it. Make sure you put "Princess Diana" in big letters on the cover...with maybe a nice photo of Prince William underneath. Why? Because we can...and if we hype it up enough...you will believe someone cares enough to want to know...and odds are, you will want to know, too." Most people...are followers after all.

Face it...couldn't you live the rest of your life without knowing the reason behind the breakup of Matt LeBlanc's marriage? I know I could. Now his soon-to-be-ex will have her own personal paparazzi crew following her for the next month. How bad must it be to be the "lesser celebrity" photo snapper guy? All these other ones are off taking photos of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes going somewhere to dinner...you are tasked with taking photos of Kato Kaelin parking their car...and undoubtedly someone will be emailing Gawker.com with those very details.

What? You haven't heard about Gawker.com aka GawkerStalker? A website whose main purpose in life is to provide you with up-to-the-minute geotracking of celebrities. "I just saw Harrison Ford get out of his car in front of Bergdorf's"...and all of a sudden...it's public knowledge. How bad is that? Now, I would love to attain some celebrity status...but I certainly wouldn't want a tail on me 24-hours a day...and I certainly would not want some site detailing to the drive-by-shooting public where I am at any given moment. Enter George Clooney. I've never really been a fan of George Clooney...nor do I know who he's dating, what he ate for dinner last nite, or what kind of car he drives. I do know, however, that he has a villa in Italy that Brad and Angelina Jolie did NOT get married at like every single magazine had hoped. But he's standing up to these people and decided he would try to sabotage their site by rallying his friends and others to text message, email, however they get their info...in...bogus sightings of celebrities. Atta boy, George...I like how you think. Just because these people make more money in one movie than most of us will make our entire lifetimes, does not give us the right to invade their privacy THAT much.

Just imagine...for every 10 "I love you Julia Roberts...I've seen ALL your films...when are you making another?" letter her "letter opener person" opens up...there's probably one or two "I love you Julia...and NO ONE but ME will EVER love you AGAIN...P.S...I know where you are right now as Gawker just updated their map" (okay...I realize that by the time she'd get the letter...she wouldn't be there anymore...but it was just for dramatic effect). THAT is the realism I would NOT want to face being a celebrity...and the reality that no matter how low you are on that 'Celebrity Food Chain Pyramid'...there's someone out there photographing your every move and quite a few who now know your every move...if even for an instant. Do we really need another Rebecca Schaeffer or John Lennon incident to wake these people up to what they are really doing?


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