A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

08 March 2011

WTF is going on with Charlie Sheen???

No, seriously.

Okay, let me rephrase that or at least clarify it a bit:

I believe I might be maybe one of about 127 people on the planet who don't know.

I've heard his name mentioned lately with words like "whack", "porn", "insane", "fired", "twins", "cocaine" and "prostitutes". But other than that I couldn't tell you what's going on with him and I'll tell you why...

"I don't CARE!"

(There...there's a catchphrase for ya, ole Charlie!)

No, seriously, again...I don't.

Therefore I won't Google him nor watch any Entertainment Tonight episodes showcasing his antics nor YouTube him. If it wasn't for the fact my local news tonight read (and I use that word loosely) a statement provided by him or his camp or his publicity agent or his new reality show's (and yeah, you know there's bound to be one) producer...or whomever it was who released it - I wouldn't have known anything more than I know now, which isn't much as the statement wasn't at all lucid.

So, with what I've garnered so far about Mr. Sheen (and I use that form of address loosely as well) is that he was born into a celebrity family, probably has talent, probably has a lot of cash, and probably has a lot of people telling him what to do next...all of which he pays copious amounts of money to - to say exactly what he wants to hear.

I also know he was on a show I've never seen which is probably very funny, "Two and a Half Men". Yep, I've never watched it, but that's okay as I've never seen (prepare yourselves now) an episode of "The Simpsons". Yeah, I know...but in my defense I really, really, really love "Futurama".

He also was married to Denise Richards (or something like that) and I confess I don't know what she's at all famous for...other than for marrying Charlie Sheen and then subsequently divorcing him after what probably was a tumultuous marriage filled with even more "cocaine" and "prostitutes" - but she probably was arrested several times herself and is probably on the Internet somewhere (possibly in a police booking photo) without make-up on and probably still looks better than I do in those photos than when I am wearing make-up.

Charlie, in my opinion (which doesn't mean much and I know it), makes Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and the 1980s-2000s Robert Downey, Jr., look like rank amateurs in comparison. I don't know if that statement is at all true...I am just surmising this conclusion based solely on all the press lately which has been wasted on this Sheen guy.

He, also in my opinion (see above), is either: 1) A very disturbed man who needs psychiatric help desperately, or 2) trying to outdo Joaquin Phoenix in the now remotely legendary "Joaquin Phoenix/Casey Affleck Debacle" by staging even more outlandish outrageousness to capitalize upon.

Either way...I see his career eventually on par with Mel Gibson's, who, I'm sorry to say, had one and is now kinda stagnating around like the primordial life forms festering in my pool at this very moment. (Blatant setup to showcase one of my prior blogs - oh, go and click on it: Ah, the Sweet Smell of Spring...On Venus!

And, also...as it again doesn't remotely mean anything to me in the grand scheme of things...but, I was told by a friend today, that he was making $1.2 million per episode on his "Two and a Half Men" show...so I'm figuring he's going to be making a heluva lot more on his next ludicrous lucrative deal...which I'm sure is in the works - also at this very moment.

Lastly...whatever happened to his brother, Emilio Estevez? Now, THAT I'd be interested in finding out about.

Okay, NOT seriously...but I had to end this blog somehow.


  1. First off, I'd like to mention that in this post you've made literary history. This is the first time the word "copious" has ever been used to modify a word other than "notes."

    So congratulations for that.

    I am a HUGE fan of "Two and a Half Men" and it pisses me off that Sheen single-handedly killed it. He's clearly a nut case who will be dead or in jail within the next 5-10 years.

  2. Oh, see - I never watched the show but had heard it was very good.

    I always say the word "copious" and never have I used the word "notes" afterwards. Perhaps I'm using it incorrectly - wouldn't surprise me. But, they, a compliment's a compliment, so thanks! :)

    I did just read a thingy which said his contract has a "Michael J. Fox" clause in it - which clearly states he keeps getting paid as long as the show is in production. Nice gig, huh? And also makes me think Michael J. Fox was one sly guy who knew which agent to sign with...big time.

  3. I like the show 'Two and A Half Men' but really could care less what Mr Sheen is doing now to screw it up. I think he's just a very pompous ass....unless he does have mental issues, then he needs professional help. I personally think Jon Cryer is funnier than Charlie Sheen and hope they will continue the show. Maybe Charlie can be sent away to a sex rehab clinic (that would make a good scenario) for the next season..and very realistic (hee hee)

    If he does have mental issues, then I wish the best for him but if he's just a pompous ass then...screw him

  4. Aww I like Charlie! :(
    *cuddles Charlie and keeps him safe*

    Hey Charlie, if you are reading this... *wink wink nudge nudge*