A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

11 March 2011

A Clash of the Titans Is Brewing Like Oolong Tea

Damn, there are some ugly people in this world.

Too harsh? Well, let me start again...

...sing with me...

"Radio killed the video star..."

Too obscure? Well, for those of you without one of those minds that stores up all trivia regardless of how, well, trivial...here's an explanation:

If you are old like me...and I'm, um...not only old enough to remember the days MTV played music, but the day they debuted. And the first song - sorry, correction...the first music video MTV ever played?

"Video Killed the Radio Star" by "The Buggles": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiJ9AnNz47Y

Yeah...but what's that got to do with the price of tea in China or ugly people, Mariann??

Well, let me tell you.

I was on Facebook today. Yeah, I know...I hate the place...but I was just curious as to what inane stupid comments were "Thumbed Up" today by people who I "friended" but haven't a clue who they are. I tell ya...I can single-handedly kill a thread just by posting on it. "Oh, look, Mariann posted...say no more...say no more."

While that is kinda an awesome superhuman power to behold, it certainly doesn't bode well when I'm trying to get people to comment after something I say. Consequently, people never post after I post something up as my "status". Apparently I must not mention "my cat", "Vampires", or "I'm running out for a Big Gulp and a bag of chips -- brb" much, if ever; so I don't get those comments I so desperately crave.

But, perhaps NOW I'll get them?

One of the "friends" I have, posted some stuff I would have easily otherwise overlooked...but this one caught my eye as it had the words, "brb, I have to go back on the air..." and then a phone number and then a link. It was the phone number which initially caught my eye, as I was thinking, "Who the heck is stupid enough to actually post their phone number for all the collective nimrods at Facebook to see?" But then I read the other stuff, and, untrue to my nature, I clicked a Facebook link.

Now, I ordinarily would never click a link I found on Facebook. First off I am very wary of links in general. Secondly, it's Facebook. I don't know 98% of the people I "friended"...I only "friended" them hoping they'd read my blog and comment afterwards.

Okay, the cat's outta the bag. Hmmmm...now there's a "Facebook status" line I'll have to use in the future as it does mention "cat"...hmmmm...maybe I'll get a comment!

But, while I'm digressing and I'm rather sick of using the word "digress" (or all forms of it) as an obvious segue to the next thought I just can't tie together with the first, it'll have to do.

I clicked that link and I saw.

I saw what I can only describe as the new vast wasteland laid bare before me. Picture if you will -- the wide screen version of "Lawrence of Arabia" - how the desert is encompassing the entire screen. Why there's literally sand from here to there and Peter O'Toole is just a tiny speck among them.

Yes, Peter O'Toole in his youth and at his incredibly insanely gorgeousness period. Even Noel Coward supposedly said on seeing the film's premiere, "If he'd [O'Toole] been any prettier, they'd have had to call it 'Florence of Arabia'."

But, just as the sands of time dwarfed O'Toole's cinematic majestic beauty...perhaps this new venue will dwarf another?

This "vast wasteland" I'm speaking of is http://www.blogtalkradio.com . Yes, you too, in the privacy of your own home, equipped with only a telephone and a desire to talk to and listen to a bunch of people who have even less of a life than previously thought (Hey, they managed to find YOU, didn't they?)--can be the host of your very own talk show, live, streaming across the Internet airwaves for anyone to hear and participate in. Did I mention this was in real live time? Real social interaction right there...laid bare for all to hear.

No more going over to YouTube to catch the latest imported glut of Japanese and Chinese "cute kitties", American-exploited "laughing babies bouncing around tearing up things", "restaged videos by people with less talent than a stale apple danish", and you will...NEVER...have to watch another celebrity eat a cheeseburger off the floor...ever! You may, if you're lucky, be able to totally miss the train wreck, no not in Lawrence of Arabia one -- the one which is called "Charlie Sheen's Winning Career Moves".

Plus, you don't have to be beautiful. No need to rely on a tush to rival Kim Kardashian's. No need to hold back the hourglass's sands of time. You can host it when you are super old. You can even host it in your underwear. Even yesterday's underwear. No one will notice like they would if you were on YouTube.

You don't need to have your hair coiffed and your nose hairs trimmed. No need to invest in a camera and the learn the latest film editing techniques. No need to be pretty good at anything viral at all...in fact you don't need to be pretty at all. Therein lies the beauty.

You can be butt ugly and as old as Joan Rivers' first face. No one will ever see you...you will be on the radio. You don't even have to have a nice voice.

I listened.

Trust me.

All you need are people who are willing to dial your number to call you up and talk. Where they come from is beyond me and anyone's guess...but they are probably bored and find you...or you can always seek them out on Facebook like my one "friend" was doing.

And forget all that stuff your parents told you about "being seen not heard". It's time to be heard and not seen! It's time for YouTube to be trumped by the new MeTube...it's time for everything old...to be new again.

So, break out your Little Orphan Annie decoder rings, people...and go places only "The Shadow" knows. It's time to harken back to those "Lake Wobegon" days.

See...isn't it getting nicer already?

It's high time for the MTV generation (and their spawn) to get their comeuppance...then grab yourself a comfy hair and sit right on back and watch...I mean "listen"...for radio to kill the video star.

But be prepared...it'll probably take a little while...and it's definitely going to get quite ugly.


  1. No WAY! Seriously? That's just...weird. And thank you, I now have that song stuck in my head (!) because I, too, am old :-)

  2. Now I know why I love you Mariann. I was afraid of my passion for you and that's why I stayed away for a while. I hope you are feeling better. I know you look great! And Honey, it's not how you feel it's how you look.

  3. Thanks! This, I think, was my strangest blog in a while. I don't know what to make of it - but it's there now. :)

  4. When you get your own "show", does this mean I get to have my evenings back of watching my favorite TV programs? Cuz that would be awesome ;-)

  5. philno - Yes, that what it means...but it also means that you have to be my guest every nite. I mean, where the hell do you think I can find one other than to beg?

  6. LOL I remember that song too (yes, I am old also)

    I wouldn't want to have a radio show~blegh I don't even like listening to my outgoing message on my answering machine