"Catfights and Caviar"?? That's the best title they could come up with for the Dynasty reunion show they aired last nite? No wonder Aaron Spelling didn't have anything to do with it. Personally I was pulling for "Death Becomes Her II"...but I guess they put this together without thinking much...kinda like Linda Evans' plastic surgeon's technique.
Oh...did you NOT see her? Now I did some IMDb-ing last nite...Linda Evans was born in 1942, Joan Collins in 1933, and John Forsythe in 1918. Why Linda didn't ask Joan for a surgeon's name is beyond me. Now, even with a soft focus lens and miles of gauze to shoot it thru...Joan and John, almost 73 and 88, respectively, looked much better than she did. But, no...she had to ask Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett for a recommendation. And her and Joan were all kissy-kissy..."Oh I loved you, too...was there anything better than filming our scenes together??" all the while you could see Joan staring her down thinking how much better she's holding up for being nine years older.
I must say...when Dynasty was on...I rooted for Alexis...Joan's character. She had much more depth than Linda Evans...and she wore those clothes just so much better. Shoulder pads, when you are built like a linebacker...aren't flattering. I'm sure Nolan Miller saw a few Joan Crawford movies in his day...but hey, it was the 80s and clothes and big hair ruled. I had big hair...and I'm waiting for shoulder pads to come back into style. There IS no "style" anymore...it's just "whatever". Maybe there needs to be another Dynasty-type show on instead of all those reality ones. A little fantasy isn't a bad thing.
Who didn't want to trade their regular dysfunctional family in for a filthy-rich dysfunctional family? "You didn't unload the dishwasher...again???" surely pales with the antics the Carringtons and Colbys got into. We had no lily pond to push each other into...we had to just slam doors when we got mad...we had no priceless antique vases to fling...and no one ever bothered having plastic surgery to try to impersonate me a la that terrible Linda Evans aka Krystal Carrington thing they had for a while there. Come to think of it, I bet no one wants to impersonate her now. Ouch...meow...claws back in.
So...they had a few of the principal characters back for the reunion...the guy who played Adam Carrington, the guy who played Blake and Alexis' gay son, Pamela Sue Martin who was the spoiled daughter character, and Catherine Oxenberg, who was the focus of THE worst nite-time soap opera debacle rivalling that inane Dallas "Bobby was in the shower/just all a dream" season...I'm speaking of the "Moldavia wedding" carnage. And I think they had someone else on...I forgot who...maybe they didn't. Then, at the very end they paraded John Forsythe out like some living fossil trophy..."Oooh look at him...he's still alive...we managed to pull this thing off before they all died"...they even had the bad taste to have Joan and Linda say "I thought YOU died" whilst clinking their champagne glasses. Oh this was abysmally horrendous dialogue worthy of...um...oh...any reunion show, really.
Like going down the proverbial receiving line, one-by-one they all agreed they owed their fame and a huge debt of gratitude to John Forsythe...Joan Collins bit her tongue as she knew damned well they owed it all to her...John was the only one who admitted it...but, like Bette Davis when she made the talk-show circuit when she was very old, years after "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?"...he could say whatever he wanted regardless of what anyone thought...he reached the celebrity age of reason. I admire that in a person.
Speaking of Bette Davis and "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?" did you ever notice her scary make-up in it? Oh, and did I mention Linda Evans?
A Bit About Me
- Mariann Simms
- Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".