A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

06 May 2006

I'm Beginning to Sense a Theme Here...

The things we do when we are young...well, the way I see it...the more things you've done when you were young, the more you can tell your children "don't do what I did when I was your age". And then you can tell them what you did and they look at you and go "yeah, right...like YOU did THAT"...and that brings us to the prom. Well, it brings us to other things, but for now it's just the prom.

Oh...it's not that bad...it's really not. Okay...it is...I confess. I forgot all about it..and when I remembered, I was all "I cannot believe I DID THAT". More of that later...what really was the impetus of this whole blog was yet another article (I've read a few this year) which addressed the fact prom expenses are getting way out of hand. Tickets, dresses, tuxes, dinners, limo rentals, etc...the costs are nearly as much as that senior class trip. The article I read today regarding Notre Dame High School in Sherman Oaks, California, stated that tickets to the prom...and I'm guessing for two...are $130. But it'll cost $0 for a limo as they are going to pile the attendees into buses to take them the 50-minute trip to the Long Beach Aquarium where it's being held. Oh yeah...that's awfully impressive..."C'mon honey, I'll let you sit by the window on the way back...and maybe we can get everyone to sing '9,999 Bottles of Beer On the Wall' on the way up so it won't seem like 50 minutes". Good luck...it'll seem like four hours.

I remember last year, watching a "Today Show" episode showing prom dresses. Prom dresses straight off the streets of New York...and I'm not talking about the ones on 5th Avenue. Who, I thought, would ever let their daughter dress like THAT??? They made J Lo's green Versace dress she wore to the Academy Awards that one year...oh you remember it...the one that was held on by Velcro or super-glue or something...look more like a Communion dress in comparison. These dresses were incredibly...oh what's the word I'm looking for...let's just say they looked like you'd be making more wearing it (or taking it off ) than what you paid for it. Now, I remember my prom...and all the proms before and since...every single guy there figures he's getting lucky that nite...well, except for the ones on that 50-minute bus ride...but to see your corsage taking up more space than the material itself, must have been a hormonal free-for-all. "Uh...I'd pin it on you, Mary Lou...but I'm afraid it would distract from your massive décolletage...plus there's nowhere TO pin it on to begin with." And the parents, gleefully taking photos and admonishing the daughter..."Now...don't you do anything I wouldn't do". "Hmmmm, okay, Mom...but remember, YOU let me buy this dress".

Well, I had those girls beat...in a way...I wore two nitegowns to my prom. I looked and looked for a dress...but they were all typical prom-looking frou-frou, bridesmaid-looking frosting-on-the-cake concoctions...so "look at me I'm a prom dress...you can't possibly wear me ever every again...yet you paid $$$ on me"...and I didn't want to do that...so I got creative. I had always loved Victorian dresses...and had an extremely pretty and ornately embroidered top to one of those bustle dresses that my mother had bought for me from an antique shop . One that evokes the pre-turn-of-the-century glamour of all those films Helena Bonham Carter starred in before she started going out with Tim Burton...rather "A Room With a View"-ish garb...but, my dilemma...I only had the top. What to do? What to do? Inspiration struck me as I was digging thru my stuff. I always loved negligees reminiscent of the type Jean Harlow wore in her films...and yes, I wore them from about the age of 15...I so liked the golden age of Hollywood as a child...therefore I had a few. So, with my black Victorian top and a long black slip of a nitegown under it...my prom dress began to take shape...but it still needed something. I ran out to the mall and found another...one which had yards and yards of sheer black fabric at the skirt...it would work perfectly...and it did...my black slip nitegown under the sheer one and the top over them both. And no one ever suspected I was wearing two nitegowns to the prom...and how many people can say they did that...and still got to wear them after?

Oh...I nearly forgot again. As for my horrible deed done at the prom...and I do think it was quite the 'not nice thing to do'...I attended the prom with one guy...and left with another. And for the life of me I can't remember the name of the guy I left with...and I've got a pretty good memory. Needless to say, my date didn't get "lucky" that nite (at least not with me) and neither did "what's his name".


  1. Funny, my prom was much the same as yours, I sported a t-shirt with a tux picture on it and I went to prom with one girl and she left with someone else... I did, however, salvage some dignity as I danced on the rooftop of a barn (where the after-party was) and was subsequently escorted off-premises. Ahh, glory days indeed!

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