A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

13 May 2006

I'm Game

Someone hacked into Paris Hilton's cellphone again? No need to...she's coming out with a mobile game...featuring herself and a "likeness"...and you can download it to your very own cellphone. How hot is that? Uh...tepid? That means "lukewarm" for all you Paris Hilton fans. Oh...c'mon...this woman has made millions (and like she really needed to make MORE money) being almost as dimwitted as Jessica Simpson. Speaking of dimwitted, did anyone witness Britney Spears reading David Letterman's Top Ten List on his show the other night during her "it's official, I'm pregnant again" public disclosure? First off, she should really take the gum out of her mouth when she speaks...it's not exactly classy...oh wait...this is Britney...carry on. Secondly, what were the odds she couldn't pronounce the word "Tamiflu" (yes, she actually asked Dave for his help) but had absolutely NO problem with "Viagra". Kevin? Kevin Federline...your secret's out. But back to Paris...

Now, supposedly Paris walked in all late to the big game launching at the Electronic Entertainment Expo in Los Angeles, and then botched up the name...introducing it as "Diamond Quest" instead of "Jewel Jam". Gameloft (the makers) covered it up later by saying the name they had plastered all over the place was just a "working title" and that Paris' announcement was indeed correct. See what money can do? She probably has enough money to download a ton of these to make it a best seller...and when things sell like crazy...crazy people buy them. Oh...c'mon again, it's a Paris Hilton cellphone game...I doubt people sitting in their astrophysics classes are going to be playing it. Anyway, she states they are coming out with a series of games, the first ones geared toward teens/t'weens and the later ones...people of all ages. Oh, great, she plans on being in the news for years to come.

Gameloft, ironically, is a Paris-based (that's Paris, France) gaming company. The French love Jerry Lewis. I thought that tidbit of information might help put this all into perspective.

I have a couple problems with all of this. My first being...WHY do companies make these people richer? Oh, I know celebrities sell things because everyone is all "Oooh Shaq shops at Radio Shack...I should, too". Michael Jordan eats Wheaties...I should, too. And these people get paid millions, especially in Japan (I bet they still love Tom Cruise there) to do these commercials. I think they'd make more money if they just put some regular guy in the ad and only paid him $400, but then they wouldn't be able to come up in the search when someone Googles "Michael Jordan".

My second problem is...why don't they make the celebrity video games that people would really like to play? Face it, who wants to play "Who can spend the most money while carting a ratdog in your Juicy Couture carrier?" when you could play "Smack Tom Cruise upside the head each time he mentions the words 'awesome' or 'Mission Impossible sequel'"? I woulda said "Scientology" but Tom might come here and jump up and down on my furniture in retaliation...not that he'd hit his head on my ceiling or anything...but I don't let my own kids jump on my sofa, I'm not about to let Tom. Oh...and while we're jumping...why not let David Blaine jump on the bandwagon as well and put out a game where you enclose him in something and then stick him in some ludicrous situation for a month. It would kinda be like a Tamagotchi...you have to turn the game on once in a while to make sure Blaine still is alive...but you don't have to worry about feeding him. Both sound like winners to me.

But until then...we'll always have Paris.

1 comment:

  1. What about a return to the non-digital era. Games played physically with, for their goals, to outplay your opponent. I have suggested a model for a "consumption" game whilst watching Oprah. Bacically you sip when she says "Oprah", "touching", "remarkable" etc... ANd if the camera pans to a middle aged man sobbing, you must pound a full one. That's is a FUN game.