Well...I hate to admit it...but I'm a soccer mom. But, it's not what you think. My kids don't have to be shuffled from ballet to tap, from piano to gymnastics, from basketball to softball...and back again. Only one child...female...heaven forbid my 18-year-old son ever would participate in sports as a child or adult, for that matter. One T-ball season when he was five, with Attila-the-Hun for a coach...broke him out of EVER joining another team event. Unless you can call video games a "team event"...but that's a whole other blog...and I digress. So, it's just the one...BUT...let me enlighten you a tad, you are reading this straight from someone who has never seen the break of day...unless it's from the other side of the fence...and what I mean by that is...I am NOT a morning person. Did you also know that I am, from all established counts of it, the ONLY non-morning person IN Montgomery that I've found? Oh, sure, there might be two others out there...but I haven't found them. Consequently, this is a typical conversation around the soccer practice field:
Them: "Hey, when's the game on Saturday? Anybody know?"
Coach: "8:00 a.m..."(Turning to me) "Do you think YOU can make it...because that's the time you're just getting to bed, isn't it? Guess we won't see YOU there."
Me: "Hey, hasn't anyone EVER thought of maybe sleeping IN on Saturdays?? How about we hold these games at 3:00 P.M.?"
Them: (Perplexed look on their collective faces as if I am now sprouting an alien's head on top of my own.) "Uh...no." (Continue idle chatter here.)
And so will go another tortuous, grueling, near Olympic-paced training/soccer game schedule for the next three months until they break for the summer and I get a most deserved and sincerely welcomed reprieve...until Spring.
A Bit About Me
- Mariann Simms
- Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".