Remembering Robin

One year ago I was sitting on my butt on an ugly sofa in a pretty nice apartment feeling sorry for myself. If you don't know the story -- here it is in a nutshell: A tree fell on my house a little over a year ago - the end of June in 2014. It barely missed my son as he sat in front of his computer in his bedroom. You really don't want to have a tree fall on your house -- the impact is something you will never forget and the fright which I felt -- not knowing where to go or what to do...well, is something I would not want to have anyone feel. The sofa and apartment, all all other amenities save for clothing and personal belongings was provided to my son, my daughter, and myself through my insurance company. They let you "have" stuff until you move back into your house. In my case it took nearly a year -- a divorce and a re-divorce (yes, there is such a thing), no job, no parents (or relatives to speak of other than my children), a contractor issue, and kitties in a boarding place...really gets old after awhile and gets to be quite depressing. Really depressing.

But not as depressing as the news of the day - which was Robin Williams' death

I remember the first time I saw Robin -- it was on some "Evening at the Improv" or some such show which aired really late on television on the weekend. You know the kind -- they had about five comics coming on, each doing their bit -- and, if you're lucky, you laugh. Comedians were a mainstay on "The Carson Show" and "Letterman" back in the day, and, back in the day, they had three channels and you waited all weekend for things like cartoons and comedy shows. They didn't have cable - they didn't have cussing -- and they didn't have overly sensitive politically correct comedians coming on and trying in vain to entertain you.

Anyway, this was a hair's breadth away from seeing Robin (and, yes, who wasn't on a first-name basis with the man) make his "Happy Days" debut and then get catapulted into TV sitcom fame with "Mork and Mindy". A couple people came on beforehand and then Robin hit the stage...and he hit it like a bolt of lightning.

Out of the blue this guy came on and television was never the same.

Now there were stand-up comedians before and after...but not with the (again with the) lightning wit of Robin (in my opinion). Whenever Robin was on a talk show, you knew you were in for a treat. Some people seemed to never "get" him and others just couldn't get enough OF him. I fell into the latter category.

So, naturally, when the news broke...I broke down into tears. I'm in tears typing this. What a sad, sad day in history...but...let's put aside the sadness and also the rules of this group...and please share some of your fondest memories of the wonderful, irreplaceable Robin Williams, below.

 

(The spacing is odd again...I wanted it to use the justified way, but, it reverted back to this and I can't change it up again.  One day I will go on over to Wordpress.  Does anyone know Wordpress well enough to talk me through a set-up?")

Day 7: Hint Hint

Today's challenge over at "We Work for Cheese" is "Hint Hint"...and, this is going to be a very short blog...in a way.

 

Some of you might have the same problem I have...and that's trying to draw readers over to your blog.  I get happy when people say they've read it...and incredibly ecstatic when someone takes the time to comment...and I've always told everyone, "I live for comments...good, bad, or anonymous.  Hint hint."

 

So...ummmm...hint hint.

 

I initially started writing a blog for The Montgomery Advertiser back in March 2006 - hoping they would notice my "brilliance" as a writer (or at least my "above mediocre" ability) and hire me.  It didn't work. The previous executive editor even called me in to talk to her for a whopping two hours...but that's all I have to say about that in public.  All the same, feel free to write them/him (as they have a new editor) and who knows, perhaps with the right nudging they might call me back in and give me that shot after all (and, yes, I'm serious).
 
Anyway, here's a sprinkling of some of my previous blogs, a "Top Ten List" if you will. Some are silly, some are sad, and some are just the early morning ramblings of a woman who takes her Ambien way too late and fancies herself a writer.

I don't ask that you read all of them...that would be ridiculous -- just pick whichever title strikes a chord...or choose your favourite number from 1-10...and go with that one. Oh...and leave me a comment. 

 

Again, hint hint.  :)

 

 

1. Viagra...vating

 

2. Esmerelda and the Area Known as 51

 

3. Driven to Tears

 

4.  Hollywood Lights

 

5.  Of Ripples of Butterfly Wings

 

6.  A Small Slimmer of Taupe

 

7.  Two Guys, a Girl and a Tube Tester

 

8.  Ancient Alien Conspiracy Regarding "The War of the Worlds"

 

9.  Potato Farmers - the New Vampires?

 

10.  Halloween is Different for Me This Year

 

 

(I apologize in advance for some of these not having the photo that I yanked off the Internet for insertion into my blog...apparently someone yanked them.  If I went in and redid my blog with a new photo, it would take me 40 minutes per blog to add all the HTML code to make the spacing correct as it always screws up the spacing and fonts when I edit...so I left them without images.  It even managed to mess up the link colours.  Why?  I don't know!  Blogger is indeed maddening. )

The Best at Being "The Worst"...and Proud of It!

Well, seems it's that time of year again...the dreaded deadline looming ahead like so many ravenous vultures...like so many you lose count - even if you have one of those fancy hand-held metal clicker things that can be punched to 999 before it resets back to zero...then I guess you have to mentally remember that it spun around one whole time already, kinda like when you're dealing out cards and the phone rings and interrupts you midway and you forget who gets the next card, so you just start all over again because someone probably looked at your cards while you were gone anyway. Yep, the 15th of April is fast approaching and soon everyone will be asking each other, "Did you get it in on time? Did you get your entry in?"

"What the heck is she saying??" you might have asked yourself...and what about vultures? Is she talking about the IRS? Accountants? Huh...cards??? "Nay", say I...I'm talking about 'The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest' also referred to as the 'It was a dark and stormy night' competition. You might have read about it when I won the Grand Prize in 2003. Oh, c'mon...it was on the front page of the Montgomery Advertiser...surely you couldn't have forgotten that? Well, okay...maybe you did. Sigh. Let me then enlighten and elucidate...

You see that long sentence I started my blog off with? The one that goes on and on and on and on. Well, that was intentional..and not just because I am a bad writer (oh, keep the remarks to yourselves) but because I was, at least in 2003, proclaimed as the BEST at being the worst. I won the dubious distinction of writing the worst opening line to a fictional novel...and that opening sentence, above, is a little bit like what you'll see in the competition. Need a better, er...um...worse...example? Here is my winning entry:

They had but one last remaining night together, so they embraced each other as tightly as that two-flavor entwined string cheese that is orange and yellowish-white, the orange probably being a bland Cheddar and the white . . . Mozzarella, although it could possibly be Provolone or just plain American, as it really doesn't taste distinctly dissimilar from the orange, yet they would have you believe it does by coloring it differently.

The rules can be found on their home page...but they are relatively simple. Write the opening line for a fictional novel...make it bad...but make it enjoyably bad. Longer is not necessarily better, but it seems they do tend to favour longer entries...but be careful on your punctuation...there's only so many words you can string together before it gets too monotonous. Monotonous doesn't cut it...badly well written does.

So, do you have what it takes to make the cut? Cut might not be the best choice of words...don't cut...but rather elaborate. Can you write famously bad...to get 14 minutes of fame? All forms of glory can be headed your way...I was interviewed on CNN Live (yes, in the daytime)...and a bunch of other radio/tv stations from California to Australia...I showed up on over 7000 hits on Google...more than Alex Trebek; less than Mel Gibson...my name and entry was in newpapers, literally from Albania to Zimbabwe...I even made the front page of USA Today. In a nutshell, I loved it...can you tell? Okay, so Letterman never called...and Conan O'Brien's people said I probably couldn't fill up six minutes of airtime. Uh huh...right. And Craig Ferguson wasn't around yet...what a pity. But I do try my best to get the word out to people who might not necessarily know about the contest because it really was both a fun experience and an honour to be chosen. Thank you again, Scott Rice.

(Professor Scott Rice, of San Jose University, is the originator of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest which has been running continually since 1982.)

Originally published 4 April 2006.

________________________
This post is part of Nicky and Mike’s "30 Minus 2 Days of Writing" challenge.  (Yes, I know - another 30 days of me begging for people to read my blog...but, dammit, I really want the nasty salty licorice prize...so if I come in 2nd, I think I win it; you can be instrumental in getting me to win and gag on it.  Hell, there'll probably be a blog involved...ooops...spoke too soon probably.) Anyway, today’s topic is "Cheesy". Please check out "We Work For Cheese" for a list of the other participants. 

Interview to a Skill

If I can borrow a line from David Letterman...everyone "hold on to your wigs and keys" - I actually had a job interview, I think...the other day.

Oh, I know what you are thinking...even before you thought it - "you THINK?" Yes, I think - let me elaborate...just a little...

I went to drop off my resume - nope, I didn't email or FAX it - I did it the "old fashioned way"...I hand-carried it. And in the process, ended up sitting down and speaking with the woman who either ultimately decides who gets the job or, at the very least, plays some part in the decision. At least that's the impression I was led to believe.

About an hour later - I came back out. Far be it from me NOT to talk, but if had known I wasn't going to just drop my resume off and then leave, I would have at least brushed up on some things - like what exactly the place I just put in for a job...does. What an entity sounds like it might do by its name and what that entity does in real life are sometimes two totally different things; this was one of those times. So, I must say a felt a bit stupid for asking (what informed candidate would dare ask such a thing) - but I'm hoping that whole "there are NO stupid questions" adage will hold true this time, because honestly, I have indeed heard my share of stupid questions, so I know they're out there.

I also would have dressed nicer and put on a "better" aka "corporate face". Oh, you guys have it easy - pretty much the only thing you have to do to get ready is shave and make sure your tie matches. Women have the "whole package" process to attend to. From head to toe, most of us still do some obsessing, literally, from top to bottom and all points in between. We have a wide range of clothes to choose from (not just suits...which all look pretty much the same) - and shoes (here again, men's dress shoes don't usually deviate far from the others which look pretty much like all the rest). But women's shoes...geez...do you men have any idea how stressful and challenging it is to find "just the right shoe"...each time we dress up? Do you THINK we actually LIKE shopping for shoes?? Wait, let me rephrase that...and when I think of something to rephrase it with, I'll get back to you...unless, of course, there's a really great shoe sale or something in the meantime. But I digress once again...

Then, in the process of getting ready for a job interview - we must work hard to get that "first impression" look genuinely less than contrived. Sure, I know it's contrived, you know it's contrived, I know you know it's contrived...but it is the first impression and we want to make a genuine good one nonetheless.

Our hair...of course we need to do something to it, and because luck will befall us in the way it always does on such occasions, the more we try to get it right, the worse it ends up looking. Any other time when we have no such intentions to run into anyone...the hair will fall as if someone named Raoul had been working on it all day. When it counts, it's always someone named Igor. Trust me...this hair problem is not uncommon...look around you. You don't honestly think those women having those hairdos asked for them, do you? Even though that part of the hair is technically dead - doesn't mean it still doesn't hold a grudge against you for something...all grudges will be carried out at the most inopportune time, such as dates, interviews, and marriage photos.

Next are make-up issues. You never want to walk into a new place you haven't scoped out ahead of time without putting on some amount of make-up. Going sans make-up might be fine once you get the job...but during the pre-job feeling out process - it's best to go for natural kicked up a notch. You certainly don't want to come off being the office glamourpuss - as chances are you WILL be running into SOME women during this whole interview process - and bad vibes are the things you'd least want to be sending off. No one wants to be out-glammed, plus you'll come off looking so high maintenance they'll probably think your work takes second stage to make-up touch-ups. So...you have to find a nice balanced middle-ground until which time you are welcomed into their fold...then you can rely on the "office attractiveness bell curve" and you will eventually learn just where you fit in. Trying to ring that bell-curve when you make that all important first impression...well, one should never attempt this...because - it will take its toll on thee.

Okay, at this point in my blogumn, the men think I well crossed that "insane line" mentally drawn in the sand - and the women, hopefully, are agreeing with me, nudging some guy somewhere in their vicinity, going "SEE, you guys DO have it easier". You are not scrutinized like we are...you just will never know the woman's psyche ...of course, you can't figure out women period (oh, c'mon a whole nation of comics for ages can't be wrong), how can you be able to understand them on this very subtle level? We, alone, "get" all sorts of subtle cues we give off...some are harder to read...some aren't subtle at all...but at one point the judging procedure has already gone full swing and is now winding down. This is the point where you should not overstay your welcome - there must be time to let the would-be employers mull over what you did and didn't say and if you meshed or bonded at all...or if you are of such a personality you'd cause dissension in the ranks and even IF you could handle the work...even with the best ability, would anyone want you...given your personality or attitude type? These are questions which all must be weighed in - and it's a very precise balancing act. It's not like they can just take you back to the pet store if they didn't like you - it's a little more involved than that.

There's been places I've worked where certain personalities just didn't mesh...in fact wondering which job would be their best chosen field...well, let's just say - .some people are best left to their own devices, out of the way of the daily interaction, located in some back room where their attitude can learn contentment in containment and reflection as it were...as some people aren't exactly "people" people...no matter how many times they continue and persist to remind you that they are.

So, while I don't know how I fared or scored, I do believe , if nothing else, they will think I have no problem, whatsoever, being able to talk to anyone who works in he office, walks into the office, calls the office, or, really...anyone who actually breathes. That part at least, has been established...even without a walk-past mirror-check.

I Have A Little List...

David Letterman has them, Guinness has had a yearly compilation of them since 1955, Joseph McCarthy ruined a lot of people with his, I have a fascinating book from the 70's aptly titled "The Book of Lists" which is chock-full of them...in fact, the list of people who have at least one of them...grows exponentially each day. I even have a couple contests on my comedy website devoted entirely to them. And if you haven't figured out by now what I'm talking about, I'll tell you...

Lists.

What IS this fascination we hold with "the list" and more importantly, who compiles these lists that we literally stop what we are doing and go read them?

Now, I'm not talking about statistics...those are a whole other ball game...which, by the way, lists a lot of statistics, I'm not even talking about the ones Fortune and People and that Mr. Blackwell guy come up with...I'm talking about random dissociative generic lists.

Even as I sat and wrote this in my doctor's office the other day, I kid you not - there was a laminated print-out of "The Top Ten Most Dangerous Dose Designations" list on the wall. So, as you can plainly see...this obsessive compulsive passion we have with "the list"...is not in my imagination. Many things may be - but this isn't one of them.

Each and every time one of these "lists of note" come out - I think to myself..."Self...who made this list up...and how did they possibly get everyone else out there to take notice OF their piddly little dumbas...um...dumb as a stump list? And can I possibly garner some notoriety doing the same?" Just what DOES it take to compile a list that the likes of AOL news, Katie Couric's replacement, and Ada Calhoun, who, by the way has a blog on AOL's main page (I don't - because apparently I am not on the A-list) talking about "What's the #1 Funeral Song?" just today. What a coinky-dink, huh? (I tell ya - I couldn't write this stuff any better if I tried.)

The way I see it, this is how most of them are generated: Two underage guys get into their parents' liquour cabinet and down a few 'Gin and Vodka and Old Grand-Dad and Rum Tonics', have a website and an account on Digg.com and come up with some unsubstantiated list about whatnot and before they know it, it gets on someone's YouTube and, as anyone knows all too well nowadays...if you can upload anything to YouTube, especially a cute kitten, you WILL get noticed. Oh, don't believe me, huh? Go to YouTube.com and type in "cute kitten". I'll wait.

Tap tap tap tap...

See?

Ah...the measure of one's true worth? Internet hits.

But, just because you and your barely legal friend sucked down a bunch of your dad's alcohol doesn't make you an authoritative figure. Or at least it shouldn't. And you should NOT gain national attention from it. You shouldn't get Google, perky morning show co-hosts or, heaven forbid, David Letterman himself, using your list for fodder. Because...ummm...they should be using MY list for fodder instead.

No, seriously. I have a website - I know young people...and trust me, I can legally drink and come up with a list, too! Where is my slice of the 15 minute pie?

So, over the next few blogs - I'm going to call, email and IM anyone I can think of...young and old, male and female, funny and stoic, drunk and sober...and compile a few lists of my own. Hey, I even know a guy who frequents Digg.com...and I'm not afraid to use him (you know - for this purpose only).

I'll even go as far as to solicit the Internet public...aka all three of you who read my blog...to help me with this endeavour. Got a list you'd like to see but never have? Let me know...I'll take great pains formulating one that is both well-thought out and has some logical basis in fact.

Yep, I'll admit - I'm not proud...but I AM determined...to get my list noticed.

Writer's Cramp

Kudos to David Letterman (Worldwide Pants) and Craig Ferguson for reaching an agreement with their writers. As many of you know, I think Letterman and Ferguson are tons of times better than Leno and Conan...especially since Conan's people were considering having me on their show when I won the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest in 2003...only to say "oh, we don't think she could fill up six minutes". Oh, please, anyone who knows me knows I could fill up six hours...let alone six minutes. All I have to say is I wish Craig was on back then...his three year anniversary tonite by the way...as I'm sure HE would have had me on his show and I would probably NOT be on strike right now.

Oh, think about it. ;)

Anyway...glad to see you two back on the air, where you belong.

Mariann