A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

11 August 2010

"Slater"ed for Fame

By now everyone has heard the story of Steven Slater, JetBlue Airways' flight attendant, who, fed up with the non-compliance of a passenger, and after getting bonked on the head with her overhead baggage, threw a hissy fit, cussed at the passengers through the plane's intercom system, grabbed a beer (or two - depending on who you're listening to), told everyone where they could put his job, opened the emergency hatch and slid his way into relative fame online.

He somehow managed to drive back home where he was then later arrested and taken into custody.

Well, this whole thing spread like wildfire and everyone and their mother is sticking up for this guy.

His mother, by the way, unfortunately, has been diagnosed with lung cancer and is dying. Some attributed his strange behaviour to this, which, of course, is never easy to deal with. I never had to deal with my mother dying while I tried to maintain composure on a plane-full of people who listen about as good as a pit bull on steroids.

I tend to be one of maybe 18 people who think this guy did the wrong thing.

And I think the media attention he's getting for flying off the handle and quitting in this way is only opening another door for much more deranged workers to emulate.

Think about being the person standing downwind of the cashier at Walmart when she has had it with the guy trying to pass off an extra item in the "15 or less" line. She grabs his can of hominy grits and throws it at his head, but being that she has carpal tunnel syndrome from doing the repetitive scan "bip bip...bip bip...bip bip" plus coupled with the fact her hearing is shot because you can hear the scanning dinger bell in aisle 12, it whizzes past his head and hits yours instead. She claims it was all due to a nervous tic she developed over the years from being hit on by the octogenarian greeter who also claims he's gone deaf from the incessant "bip bip" noise and mistakenly took her "tic-wink" as a come on.

Your last vision before you depart this life is seeing everyone applauding her as they always thought a case of Coke should be counted as 24 items, too.

Or, there you are, waiting in line for two hours for your six-year-old kid to get a photo op with the drunken Santa they just fired but can't replace as it's nearly closing time so they let him stay on to finish the night. You and your child, totally oblivious to this fact, gleefully await your turn when he suddenly stands up to leave...gets an alcohol head rush and has to sit back down (those of you who've had this happen know what I mean...those who don't - ask someone who does). After grabbing your kid "Ralphie-style", he gets some whack epiphany and starts off on a tirade that would make Mel Gibson blush and your kid is now scarred for life and lashes out worse than a bull each time he sees red.

The people in line who didn't get to see Santa start some rant about commercialism and how Santa has about as much place in Christmas as a bunny does during Easter. Someone captures the whole event on their cell phone and posts it up online. It goes viral overnight and your kid's picture ends up on about 57 comedy website photo caption contests and is further taunted after school starts back up in January.

Then there's the Post Office. But I won't go there as it's really not funny.

And I don't think this is, either.

Luckily this guy wasn't the pilot.


  1. I saw a small blip on the TV about this but decided that it was not worth my time or effort to watch and see what happened. Poor guy, things like this happen everyday and even tho I don't know exactly what they guy did (other than what was in yr blog) I think he was wrong also. Course I could be wrong as oblivious as I have been to almost everything the past couple of weeks.

    I did enjoy this blog tho

  2. I only got the story second-hand, from MY WIFE. The way she framed it, it sounded as though the guy was tremendously put upon and a hero. Now you've given me further thought.

    Bitch! I didn't want to actually have to think about anything!

  3. Yeah, well if someone's going to find the bad in everything, leave it to me! ;)

  4. First, the content: Ultimately, he's expected to act professionally no matter what, and he failed. Hey, in my given profession there are days I'd LOVE to go off on people. But I don't. I represent my organization at all times, and have to behave accordingly.

    Second, the writing: Possibly the funniest piece of yours that I've read. I have some suggestions, but I'll cover those in an email.

    Great work, Mariann!

  5. Wow, thanks Chris. Coming from you (you know I think you're a great writer) that's a huge compliment. :)

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  7. Chris is full of shit.

    No, just kidding, Mariann! ;-)

    I actually read this last night, but forgot to comment because I'm as distractible as a bird on a cat ranch. But I'm glad I waited, because I heard a discussion about this on NPR this afternoon, with some people praising this man as a hero, and some ragging on him for dishonoring his profession.

    Personally, I think his behavior was highly unprofessional at best, possibly criminal at worst.

    But here's the great part: I was able to listen to this broadcast and feel intelligent because I'd already read your excellent post, which is not only just as insightful as NPR's coverage, but much, much funnier.

    So I guess what I'm saying, even though it pains me to admit it, is that Chris is right.


  8. If it makes you feel any better, Mike, Chris did say it was the funniest of MY blogs he ever read...not across the board. ;)

    Feel free to contact NPR and tell them that...they turned me down a couple years ago to write things for their "Day to Day" segment.

    And thank you for the kind words...that was very nice of you to say. I almost didn't need my alcohol to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. ;)

  9. Oh, even if you do feel warm and fuzzy inside without the alcohol, keep drinking, sister, because then you'll feel really good!