A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

02 November 2006

Of the Haul and Warhol

Well, Halloween has come and gone again..."Party City" had a whopping two cashiers again...Houdini failed to show up again...and sure enough we were late to hit the houses again. Consequently our candy haul was drastically reduced. I don't even EAT candy...but the thrill of begging door-to-door for free diabetic-coma inducing substances, most of which will get thrown out around Christmastime still is fun to me.

My 19-year-old son still dresses up...he doesn't "technically" go up there with my daughter to "Trick or Treat"...as he doesn't have a bag...but people see two...and they toss more into my daughter's bag...or urge him to "take some, too"...which is good as he's the one who sucks down the majority of the sweets. This year he wanted to dress up as an Anime character from "One Piece"..."Sanji" to be exact. This is where "Party City" came into play...as he needed a blonde wig...a blonde wig that apparently had to be procured Halloween day when they only have two cashiers...and 87 people in line. Yes, we waited longer in line than we ended up gathering candy later. Now since they don't sell wigs that look like "Sanji's" hair...especially that shade of blonde...we had to get a platinum-coloured long-haired wig and then cut it (and when I say "we" I mean "me") to resemble his hairstyle. I must say I did a pretty close facsimile to it given the fact my cutting skills stop at being able to neatly trim 8 1/2" x 14 inch paper down to 8 1/2" x 11"...and even then I bend it back and forth and rip the excess off...so I don't think that really qualifies as "cutting".

Then he scurried around the house looking for items to complete his "look"...meanwhile my daughter comes home from soccer later than I would have liked and I had to get her put together. This year she decided she would go as a cat again, which meant we didn't have to shell out another $25 for a costume to get $5 worth of candy. Hey...you do the math...you know how much candy you can buy AFTER Halloween for $25??? So after sewing her tail onto her leopard-print cape and drawing on her nose, whiskers and eyes...we were nearly set to leave. My son comes out dressed in a suit, actually looking better than I've seen him in years...and I totally blow his costume prepping self-esteem by telling him "You look like Andy Warhol"...and then promptly showing a photo of him online. I told him that people aren't going to know who Sanji is and are going to assume he's Andy Warhol. I then get told by both him and my husband that no one will say it...as no kids know Warhol. I tend to disagree and figure at least the adults handing out candy will indeed figure he is. Again they disagree.

So, off we go, I reiterate, MUCH later than I had wanted...driving over to the "good candy" place which shall remain nameless...where two houses always get into the Halloween "spirit" to the max...one with strobe lights and everyone dressing up and trying to scare the kids. Personally, I think it's a family of psychiatrists and psychologists...and this is the way they drum up business...kinda like those dentists who toss in toothbrushes embossed with their info along with their candy. Oh...the kids surely will need therapy after going there...plus I think more than half of them run off without taking any candy which is also part of their brilliant plan. Now don't get me wrong...I'd actually walk around where we live for candy, but we all sit on large lots and there are like maybe five kids who live here. By the time we'd walk around the block we'd have gotten about three candy bars...plus we'd have gone six times as far to get them...in the dark since we don't have streetlights...therefore we do our yearly pilgrimage miles from home.

First house we go to...this conversation ensues:

Lady: "Hey, nice costume...you're Andy Warhol, right?"
My Son (loud enough for me to overhear): "That's who my MOTHER said I looked like...I'm Sanji."
Lady: "I don't know Sanji...but you DO look like Andy Warhol."

I am totally reveling in the moment...and the next...and the next. I was redeemed. Yes, as I figured, he didn't get one "Hey, you're Sanji"...but did in fact get a few "Warhol" comments.

Actually I thought it would be pretty nifty to dress as Warhol...and quite original...and I told him...not that it helped much...but I did honestly believe it. In fact I even told a couple of my friends about the whole thing...and they thought it was quite funny...and, as one put it..."I bet it WAS funny...for about 15 minutes". I'd really like to take credit for that comment, but I can't...but I can take credit for making one awesome looking Warhol wig even if my son didn't want to humour me and take a can of Campbell's soup along with him.


  1. Fear not! I shall take credit for the "I bet it WAS funny...for about 15 minutes" comeback. :)

    Well, after all, I DID say it!

    To those of you who caught the reference right away, may I say: DAMN, you people are old! I, uh, learned about it in Art History class.... yeah, that's it! That's the ticket!

    Sure, Warhol was influential, but did HE ever paint a "Skittles painting"? NO!

  2. Why no, he didn't - but that would have made this whole Halloween scenario even more...um...surreal. ;)

  3. I did, too! And you know it, so don't try to weasal out of it, or I shall be forced to post for the world the story of "The Dental Floss Incident". I'm pretty sure you don't want me to tell everyone about that.

    I do not claim the origination, but I do claim squatter's rights on the phrase "Overdrawn at the 15-minutes-of-fame bank". I'm the only one that I ever hear using it. Of course, it's quite possible that I can't hear others speaking it because they're drowned out by a certain someone whom I shall not name, but her initials are Mariann E.

  4. Silly, silly you - that "No, he did not..." comment was in reply to your "But did Warhol ever do a Skittles painting?" question.

    And I thought that "surreal" comeback was exceedingly good, too. Okay, maybe NOW you will think it is as well. :)

  5. OK, OK, I have it through my migraine-ravaged head now.

    Funny you should mention surreal Halloween.... a group of kids came to the door dressed as "perfectly normal people".

    Scared the crap out of me!