A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

29 October 2006

C'mon Get Happy...I'm Almost Done Talking

"Whoa, Leela...slow down, you're talking a mile a minute." That's a quote from Futurama's "The Day the Earth Stood Stupid" episode...when the less than brainy character "Fry" is speaking to "Leela" whose brain (along with everyone else's but Fry's) is pretty much fried when powerful alien brains try to invade Earth. Oh...did I mention Leela is speaking very s-l-o-w-l-y when Fry tells her that? And what does that have to do with anything? Well...I'll get around to it...I hope.

I might have let slip that I talk a lot. Oh, let me rephrase that. I talk a LOT. Ask anyone who knows me...I don't shut up...BUT at least I'll be the first to admit it. I give people the common courtesy to let them know ahead of time what they're up against if they start talking to me. If you talk to me on the phone...well, don't plan on hanging up anytime soon. I've single-handedly made the phone company and others give in to whatever it was I wanted...face it...they either acquiesce or talk to me for a couple more hours. Ever see "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" with Jimmy Stewart? Oh...that filibuster scene has nothing on me - and I don't even get hoarse. I've even had one doctor here in town ask me how I manage to talk without ever stopping to take a breath...and he was from Philadelphia...where they can talk! And that brings me to my point...

I'm watching "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" Friday night, speaking of someone who can talk...but altho I think this guy is brilliant and extremely witty amongst being extremely chatty, he's not who I'm going to talk about. I'm going to talk about his guest...Danny Bonaduce, who has been on his show a bunch of times already. Now if you are old like me...or if it's made it to Nick at Night, you might better know him as "Danny Partridge" of "The Partridge Family"...and if you pay any attention to Entertainment Tonight or tabloids, you might know him as "that guy from The Partridge Family...with the drug problem who has a radio talk show and did some homelife reality show that you've probably never seen...but the one who wasn't "Keith" aka David Cassidy". Now I know that Craig has mentioned a few times that he bought Danny's pick-up from him a while back and something tells me they actually know each other off the show, but this guy is extremely entertaining. Oh...I know what you are saying "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout??" Uh...wrong show, but...yes, I think I do.

Yes, I will be the first to admit it...possibly in the country...but Danny Bonaduce is extremely interesting. He's funny, energetic, enthusiastic and above all else...talks a mile a minute. Now, yes...that could be drugs talking...but I've heard people on drugs talk and they usually don't ramble on cohesively...usually something ends up being disjointed (pun intended) and they go from one thing to another like...well, I could name celebrities here...but I'll let you fill in your own. Plus he's still kinda cute. Oh, c'mon...you thought he was cute in "The Partridge Family"...and I'm not talking about that creepy kind of cute that child actors usually end up being...again, I'll let you fill in your own celebrity here.

So, I call my son out to come see him show...well, a Craig Ferguson "Late Late Show" tattoo he was sporting...um...uh on his...well, let's just say I got to see a side of Danny Bonnaduce I'll probably never see again. And I TiVo'd it back a bit and he (my son, not Danny) remarked that this guy talks about as fast as I do and was he from Jersey? Now, I always thought he was from California, but I'm game, I'll look him up on the IMDb...and lo and behold, he's actually from Philadelphia (sure, he probably moved when he was 3...but it still counts in my book)...so that would explain it all. Usually whenever I really like a guest on a talk show, I'll look them up and 9 out of 10 times they are from my "area". My "area" being Jersey. There's still a difference about them...and I think the difference is just the ease they have being totally open, being rather interesting, and also speaking a mile a minute.

Now you might totally disagree with me here...but...you gotta ask yourself this..."Are you actually willing to talk to me about it...and even with the time change...do you really have THAT many hours to kill doing so?"


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  2. Let me give affirmation and testimony that at least one, small part of what Mariann-E says is true.

    She talks a lot. By "a lot", I mean.... well, think about how many grains of sand there are in the hourglass in the titles od "Days of our Lives", and then raise that number to the power of 54,986. That gives you an idea.

    Yes, it IS true that she's the first to admit it. That is principally because by the time you pick up the phone, she's already in the middle of the third page of the notes she made before she called. I'd never say this to her, but missing the first two and a half pages? Honestly, she makes just as much sense. In any case, she admits it first because it's gonna be an hour before you get your first word in.

    Usually, that word has four letters. At least, it is for me. ;)

  3. Today's Final Jeopardy!

    A: An action on her part that is guaranteed to start Mariann talking at 300 words per minute.

    Q: What is breathing?


  4. Good news! My ears have stopped bleeding from our last phone call!