A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

01 March 2015

March Is Like...Other Things, Too

In America, we have the saying "March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb". In other places, it can get a bit...well, different. Here are some others:

Greece: March comes in like a lamb and goes out like a gyro.

Scandinavia: March comes in sometime around April.
Poland: March is like a polka...it's much better when you are just drunk the whole way through it.

North Korea: March...it's what we do best...especially in parades to honour our Dear Leader.

Russia: March is like Kremlin when it comes in and goes out with KGB never to be seen again.

Italy: March comes inna like-a Mario anna goes outta like a faster Mario, wassa matter you no know this, eh? (There are also several hand gestures that go along with it...but since we don't have video...you have to just imagine.)

France: March comes in like a hamster and then comes back to taunt you a second time.

Scotland: March comes in like a sheep...and is lucky to get back out.

New Zealand: March comes in like Peter Jackson filming "Lord of the Rings" and goes out leaving all this shit for us to clean up after him.

Norway: March comes in like that salted licorice and goes out like a herring.

Canada: March comes in and stays in...it's cold here, dammit! We're near the Arctic, ay?

Columbia: March comes in like a drug lord and goes out like a shipment of cocaine.

Ireland: March comes in with green beer and goes out like green pee.

Oprah Winfrey's House: March comes in with Gayle...yet continues to go out with Stedman.


  1. I saw your comment over at Suldog's blog and thought I'd stop by on a whim. I'm glad I did. These are hilarious.

    But no self-respecting Canadian would ever say "ay." Just for the record, it's "eh." ;)

    Anyway, I very much enjoyed these. I laughed especially hard at the Oprah one. Nicely done, eh?

  2. Love the "comes in like a lamb, goes out like a gyro."