You think you know someone. I mean, you talk to people and you get to know them a little; they open up, they tell you some stuff they ordinarily wouldn't tell their friends and family in person, but since you are on the Internet, there's no harm done, they never have to meet you. You typically share some really personal stuff you just wouldn't -- with people you'll never ever have to face in life. Am I right?
Well, I thought so, too.
It all started a few years back. My friend Chris, whom I've never met, who used to play my online comedy website, www.HumorMeOnline.com (which I never update anymore as I spend all my time obsessing about my health and pitying myself) "introduced" me to Mike. Mike, you may know, goes by a few names: MikeWJ, Michael Whiteman-Jones..."Too Many Mornings" Mike -- you know, that Mike.
Well, I thought we had struck up a friendship...he'd comment on my blogs and say nice things and I'd say nice things to him sometimes and we were all getting along fine and dandy (him posting photos of himself in different hats and all) when, out of the blue, I find out he's been battling some sort of affliction.
The obvious one comes to mind: alcohol. Yeah, who among here us doesn't like to swill back a few in the mornings, right?
Well, it wasn't that...so, naturally, the next obvious one, considering he takes photographs a lot...is that he is into some kind of porn. Maybe something to do with fruits or vegetables...something really weird...maybe with some shoe heels involved. After all, he did say he could spot a pair of Louboutins from a few feet away (pun intended) in that one blog he wrote about Washington, DC, which I think I'm STILL reading, by the way, as it was THAT long of a blog.
But, nope. Still totally off the mark.
So, I find out today...his face fell off.
Yeah...I know. THAT kind of thing, you'd think someone who calls themselves a "friend"...would mention. I've gone on and on to him about my sleeping problems, my issues with my thyroid, my lung, my toe, my pathetic boobs, my butt, etc., and you'd be darned tooting right if you guessed that IF I would have had an issue with my face sliding right off, I probably would have mentioned it.
Now, I know he posted a few photos of himself recently - but they show no signs of slippage. I'm sure he has Photoshop, and anyone with any type of artistic background could easily manipulate their face and tweak it here and there right back to where it used to be. But, I'm figuring they weren't even recent pictures. Hell, that might not even BE what he looks like. Could just be that "Mike" has some bizarre obsession with some guy with a beard whom he pays twenty bucks a pop to - to pose for some artsy "black and white" jobbers.
I, for one, am gobsmacked. I'm literally speechless...and anyone who knows me, knows damned well that doesn't happen very often, if ever.
Sure, he's probably speechless, too...but that's just because he can't pronounce words anymore because he...HAS NO LIPS...because his face fell off -- and I had to go and find out like most everyone else did -- not like a friend would: I had to friggen find out by reading it on the Internet!
But, I guess that's only poetic justice...or irony...because, after all, we did "meet" on the Internet. Two faceless people brought together by a force invisible...only much more tragic and prophetic than I ever, ever envisioned.
(Who the hell is Mike? Well, my "friend" -- you'll find out here: Mike)
This blog was written and inspired by Mike...who is a damned good writer and I'm jealous, but in a good way (if there is such a thing)...and we were both initially inspired by the "We Work for Cheese" non-contest contest...whose prompt today was "Friendship".