A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

30 October 2011

NaNoWriMo aka "No, it's not Orkan"

It's no big surprise that I'd love to be a "real live writer"...you know, one that gets paid and can count up the words and divide them to see just how much money each one of them made -- kinda like the really rich sports people and how much they get paid per game...or hit...depending on which sport you're calculating.

Anyway, I am not a quilter...I'm not a cookie-baking mom...and I'm not a coffee-klatch type of person, partly because I detest the smell and taste of coffee...but mainly because I'm not going to go and hang out with perky early-risers and shoot the breeze about things like quilting or Girl Scouts.

I have no family really and certainly none around here...being that I'm a Jersey chick doesn't help in the grand scheme of things as, if you're not aware, the Montgomery area seems very cliquey...the women much more so than the men...and my seventh circle of Hell was drawn in the sand by someone with a cheerleader mom mentality. (If you are a nice cheerleader mom...disregard that previous comment...if you aren't, you know exactly what I mean and you do it all the time...and it's not nice.)

So, here I sit. I sit here. I sit here and type...hoping one day the words will miraculously string together in some sort of profitable fashion like they have done for J.K. Rowling and Stephen King...and all the others who rank in their...well, ranks.

I sit, sit, sit (like Dr. Suess might have said)...and I get discouraged for lots of reasons -- but one main one is I don't have a lot of encouragement to write. Having a loving relationship with a spouse or significant other probably helps many of these unknown writers get known...but I have neither.

While my two children prod me once in a while, saying things like "Uh, why don't you write that book already" and "Um, why don't you write that book already"...it's clearly not the motivating factor that's working for me.

Consequently, about six or so months ago I joined some Alabama Writer's Guild or Group or Gathering or some type of what I undoubtedly initially perceived as a "Mutual Admiration Society"-type of thing. Well, it turned out to be a dud. Neither are they admiring anything nor are they being very mutual. I've gotten one monthly email from them - and unless I travel to Birmingham or Fairhope to go munch on a sandwich with them at the nearly ungodly hour of noon (factor in drive time)...well, I'm back to where I've always been...

...sit, sit, sit.

Then, the other day, flipping through the virtual pages of the Montgomery Advertiser's website, I happened upon something called the "National Novel Writing Month" - and lo and behold they're having a meeting in MY town and it's not at 8:00 a.m. It's not even noon. It's going to be at 6:30 - and that's p.m. That's "Post Meridiam"...or, as I refer to it: "Prime Morning".

I'm hoping I will find an "in town writing buddy" - and we can encourage each other to write. And I'm hoping it will last more than a month.

The reason I say that is because this event challenges you to write a novel in a month...hence that "November" in the title.

While I'm sure many novels were written in a month's time...I'm sure most weren't...and that's where MY encouragement and challenge goes out to my online writer friends who have much more potential than I think they imagine. And you know who you are -- Mark, Chris, Sully, Mike, etc., etc.

I'm asking if they will consider joining in with me...or at least checking out the website at www.nanowrimo.org -- to see what it's all about. Plus one day I really, really want to read your books. I want you to sign them and send them to me...and I want you to introduce me to your editor -- but...only after I introduce you to MINE. ;)

So, with notebook and pen in hand and no laptop in sight, I will venture this Tuesday to "Books-A-Million" where this kick-off meeting will be held...and...

...even though there's going to be coffee involved...no one's going to force me to drink it.

And with that, I just brought it back full "circle". ;)


  1. Oh, my.

    While I certainly do appreciate the kind words, I no more want to write a novel in a month (especially a month wherein I usually take a couple of weeks off from writing, what with Thanksgiving and all) than I would wish to have a bowel resection done with a spoon.

    Hmmmmmm... Maybe that would make a good opening...

    Sully looked down at the gaping wound in his abdomen. Since he had never been shot before, he had no idea whether a shotgun blast from point blank range should have done as much damage as this appeared to have done. He also wondered if the spoon he had stolen earlier in the evening from his favorite Italian restaurant would be of any use in patching things back together.

    "Well, no time like the present to find out," he said to the raccoon who had been nibbling at his pancreas, and he plunged the utensil into his gut.

  2. See? I strangely liked that!

    I highly doubt I'm going to fulfill any mission like that as well. I believe it's just a grand motivator or something. Face it, there are worse causes out there to be affiliated. As long as you know it exists in some plane...my duty was done. :)

  3. In a month?? Fat chance. I've been working on a three-book series for a long time now, and picking up the challenge of knocking out a single novel in a month (a month in which I have a lot to do anyway) was out of the question. How about a nice, non-holiday month instead?

    Hey, write a novel that starts off with your Bulwer-Lytton sentence. :)

  4. Woot! Good luck at the writer meeting, in town, and have fun with Nano-Wri-Mo!

    Writing a novel in ONE month is IMPOSSIBLE. However, it IS a good kick-start.

    I too have been working on my novel, and I will also be using the month of November to hunker down.

  5. A novel in a month? What are you, Stephen King?

    I can't imagaine doing it, not with work and kids and all the other bullshit I have to do every day.

    But I hope you do, Mariann. Because you can, and because you should.

    I can't wait to read it.

  6. Just checking in to see if you've updated on your book writing process!