A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".

15 February 2007

What Price Romance?

Well, I've been remiss in doing a blog here it seems. I've had a couple people write to tell me that they've missed them and wondered when I was going to write another. That, of course, made me feel good...as not everyone out there who reads these things comments on them. I know a few bloggers here have mentioned the lack of comments on their own blogs and I just wanted to assure them here that this alone is not necessarily any indicator that theirs aren't being read and thoroughly enjoyed. Now with that said, I will try my utmost to remember this myself and get a few churned out each week.

I know, I know...I said I would do the "gun blog" as a few of you have pointed out...and I will...and I also know you are perched on the edge of your seats with bated breath just anticipating when that day may indeed come. Yes, that was tongue in cheek there...but since some of you did ask, I only wanted to let you know I haven't forgotten. I just thought a "romance-themed" one was more timely as it was indeed Valentine's Day yesterday (oh, don't tell me you forgot)...so here goes...

Valentine's Day...just what is it? A day to remember your sweetheart...a day the stores made up to get rid of all those items you returned at Christmas...a day to show off to your friends in the office that you had a bouquet of roses, a teddy bear and balloons sent to you...and nobody else did? Well...I think it might be a combination of those. Yes, I'm cynical and bitter because, well...I come from Jersey and it's a birthright...BUT I am also a diehard romantic at heart.

No...seriously, I am.

I was watching Craig Ferguson last nite...love Craig Ferguson by the way...but he pointed out about the "romance" factor as well...as I'm sure every late show host did last nite. One question he asked was, in essence, "Why do women think that a horse-drawn carriage ride around Central Park is romantic?" I'll tell ya why, Craig...because 99.7% of us haven't EXPERIENCED one yet. And therein lies the crux of the matter in a nutshell.

Men...let me give you a little advice...well, only those of you who need advice...and there's only about .3% of you who don't need it...so I'd listen up. Trust me...I'm female. We all yearn to be that woman in the office who gets the roses...we all want to trip her when she goes out to her car with the roses, precariously balancing her teddy bear and cellphone in one hand and her purse and flower/balloon dealie with the other...we want to see them hurtle to the ground and fall in a puddle as she tries to retrieve her car keys...that's how badly we want to be that person. It's not because we so badly want a dozen roses that go for triple their market price one day a year...we don't want any stupid teddy bears...and we certainly don't want any mylar balloons (well, okay...maybe the balloon...but only if it's really nice)...what we DO want is some recognition that we indeed are admired. Admiration is a good thing...when that admiration comes from Marge in the office who didn't get any flowers sent to her, it's nice...when it comes from a man who would take the time to send those flowers...or bring them in himself, well, it's even nicer.

And...it doesn't stop there. No, it doesn't. You don't get off that easily...and you won't be...if you catch my drift...because one day a year should not cut it. Tossing some candy down on the table with a card on your way into the house as nonchalantly as you would your car keys and coat is not romantic. Now, I won't say it here...but we all know what guys want in return for that candy and card...and if your woman has any sense, she'll take about as long at it as you spent picking out that lame card. You reap what you sow...so put some time and thought into it...and do it more than one day a year. I bet if you left some "silly little romantic notes" around the house for your lady throughout the year...you'd find out she'd be a lot more accommodating. Carriage rides? Oh, yes, they might be corny...but I've never been on one...and you can bet if I had been whisked off to a surprise romantic dinner (not too surprised...we want to look good, you know) once in a while, had some romantic notes placed around where I could find them, and given flowers without "expecting" anything in return...well...you do the math.

It's all in the presentation...you've got to have feelings involved...you just can't go thru the motions and then complain when we "go thru the motions" without having any emotion behind it. Why can't you prepare a nice candlelit dinner for your lady once in a while...and on no special occasion...just "because you appreciate her" should be occasion enough. Don't wait for some obligatory holiday to roll around once a year to force you to be one of a pack of lemmings: "Stand in line...buy card...stand in line...buy flowers...stand in line...buy candy." Romance isn't all about that stuff...it's about being made to feel special...and you don't need a Donald Trump income (or at least you shouldn't - if you do, you're with some unappreciative lady) in order to romance someone. Take time to see what you both like...because it really should work both ways. If she likes planting things in her garden...get up early one day and pull some weeds out for her...or hide a homemade card for her where she'll find it. Trust me...homemade cards, where you write your own sentiments...worth more than any Hallmark store's complete inventory. If he likes to watch football...go online and Google "football terms", learn some and toss some out randomly just to see his reaction. Take the time to KNOW what's important to each other...and that doesn't cost a thing. You see? Silly, no?

No...I don't think so.

1 comment:

  1. Well said! I agree with you wholeheartedly.
    As a self-professed one of those elite .3%, I understood long ago the insincerity of the 'holiday' and, as I've grown older, find the material aspect to be disgusting and, worse, transparent!
    It really is much more important to do and say romantic things more often than on the obvious days. I buy my wife flowers or trinkets or socks - she loves socks, the ones with little kitties on them or whatever - as often as inspiration hits; and that's a couple of times a month. I buy her a book from an author I know she's enjoyed, a CD from a band I know she likes or just a little notepad with her name on it, or a pen that she'd find cute. I do these things not for want of nookie, although, of course, I wouldn't mind... I simply adore the look of appreciation the she gives me in return. I'm one of the lucky ones as these little things bring smiles and she doesn't need the high maintainance world of diamonds or jewelry and would always prefer the handmade sentiment to the glittery, soulless store-bought.
    I teach high school English and, to prove a point, I asked my female students their opinions on the holiday yesterday...
    To a one they said much as you had and although they were not-so-secretly envious of the girls with lots of goodies, some admitted to having gone so far as to having bought themselves the teddy bears and roses just to BE the envied one. Somewhere along the line, most of the holidays that require material gifts have gotten to be this way. Personally, I think it's a bit sad but totally understand the disappointment that would come from a woman who hasn't been given the little romantic attentions throughout the year and know her reasons for wanting at least something special on V-Day.