This week tens upon thousands of people did what I used to do...read dozens upon dozens of Father's Day cards to find one that doesn't have a sappy sentiment such as "You are the world's best Dad!" and "Dad...thanks for all the things you did for me throughout the years even tho I didn't appreciate them." I know that this happens as I would see someone with the same robotic movements as me..."pick a card up...open card...roll eyes...put card back...pick up a card..." I would comment..."Oh...I wish there'd be just a generic "Happy Father's Day" one...nothing like golf clubs or race cars on the front...no "#1 Best Dad" pull off medals in the inside. Just a "here's my requisite card 'cause I have to" section...to make it much easier on us. And they would totally agree...furnishing their rationale for doing it...seeking a stranger's approval...and feeling less guilty once received.
Oh...seriously, I've seen the looks on faces. Watch for yourself next time you are standing in the "Happy" Birthday, Father's Day, Mother's Day, Anniversary, etc., aisle. These people are none too happy. Rows upon rows of cards with people holding hands, kissing, having a picnic, horseback riding...you'd think they are selling tampons. It gets to be where you almost want to just complain they don't have one of those "Gift Cards" so you can just spend $4 on one to give it to the person so they can just go pick their own card out. "Here ya go...I didn't care enough to pick a present out for you...why would I bother wasting 20 minutes looking for a card?"
I can see Hallmark making a killing on these things: "When you don't care enough to send the very best...and really don't want to waste the time gagging..." Personally I like the cards without stuff inside...I like to write my own sentiments. Face it, if you are in love with someone, you should be the only one who could tell them how you think...and conversely...if you can't stand the ground they walk upon...especially if you have to tread upon it right after they do.
Yes, I know this probably sounds horribly awful, especially since I revered my Mother so...but sometimes even cards with comedic undertones can't camouflage what you feel in your heart. Sometimes you just want to just say what you have to say...without having to say anything else. Enough said.
A Bit About Me
- Mariann Simms
- Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".