A Bit About Me

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Along with my daily duties as founder and head writer of HumorMeOnline.com, in 2003, I took the Grand Prize in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also known as the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" competition). I've also been a contributor to "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and the web's "The Late Show with David Letterman". I also occupy my time writing three blogs, "Blogged Down at the Moment", "Brit Word of the Day" and "Production Numbers"...and my off-time is spent contemplating in an "on again/off again" fashion...my feable attempts at writing any one of a dozen books. I would love to write professionally one day...and by that I mean "actually get a paycheck".
Showing posts with label clutter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label clutter. Show all posts

10 December 2016

A Messy House Could Save Your Life




A new German study conducted by the Schlaswursen Clinic in Wiesbaden, Germany, has found out that housework can actually be hazardous to your health.

"We've always been told that a clean and tidy house is the ideal standard." Dr. Karl Gottschald stated before a symposium of colleagues in Lucerne, Switzerland this past Friday. "We have found a marked correlation between hospital visits and housekeeping.", Gottschald continued.

The study states something which isn't entirely new, but the mechanism behind the facts has exposed something which has not come to light until just recently, which is:  Most falls which occur in the house are done when trying to clean, typically in the bathtub and lifting/moving furniture when trying to vacuum beneath them.

In the past, it was assumed that these falls in the bath were done when bathing or showering, but that is not the case; they occur when trying to clean the tub and the shower.  "That's when most serious slips happen; it's very rare to find a patient seeking help while in the nude.  They are typically fully clothed when the paramedics arrive at the scene or when they enter hospital on their own for treatment." Dr. Janus Rothchilds, from Aerohospital Sud in Geneva, Switzerland said.  "Lifting injuries, as well as sometimes fatal cranial ones, tend to occur when people reach to get something down from a high place to dust around it.  They strain the wrong way or fall from ladders all the time.  If they just let the dust accumulate, these accidents would be totally avoided." Rothschild stated.

The study went on to find that most hazards in the house were slipping from cleaning tubs/shower enclosures and mopping floors, and falls from standing on ladders to clean on top of shelving.

"These things simply do not have to be done.  People can learn to live in houses with dust and germs. In fact other studies have proven a germ-free environment makes us prone to more infection. This is the science behind why antibacterial soap for the home has been discontinued from the market." Gottschald said.

"In fact, we're nearly done with our newest study which will conclusively prove that a house with more clutter causes less injuries than one which is free of debris." Dr. Lars Schmidt from Schlaswursen Clinic announced.  "People tend to be a bit more careful when they walk when they know they can hit their foot on something or trip and fall; those in cleaner houses walk faster and with less eye contact with the floor, which then leads to more broken toes.  Also, the plain reality is that a highly waxed kitchen or bathroom floor actually causes more hip injuries from slips and falls than all ice-related ones combined."

Schmidt ended the lecture by saying, "While we are not telling people they never have to clean again, we are telling them a little dirt never hurt anyone, in fact it might save just your life."



A similar study in 2005, conducted at Kingston University in London, extolled the virtues of the unmade bed. 








16 April 2012

Day 16: Ordinary Matters

The theme this time around made me wonder if there was some erudite meaning that I just didn't get. "Ordinary Matters"...hmmm. I was going to take a photo of my toilet - but, eh, nah. I was then going to get cutesy and take a photo of a glass with some black coffee in it and then open a page in one of my science magazines talking about a brain...and put a 3-way split screen...so you had your "dark matter", your "grey matter"...and then...well, a glass of water might be really ordinary. But, I thought that was a bit too bizarre...so I thought some more.

My life is definitely ordinary. In fact, it's probably less than ordinary...so I figured I would show you pretty much the first thing I see when I open the door and step inside my home each and every day.

But first, let's recognize Ziva - for, without her, we all wouldn't be on this cerebral trek of sorts. And the "we" I speak of are my fellow participants in this photography non-contest:
MikeWJ, Nicky and Mike, Mo, Meleah, John, aka nonamedufus, Bryan, aka Unfinished Person, Malisa, Nora, LaughingMom, Tanya, Elizabeth A., 00dozo, Cheryl, Kristen, Katherine, and, last -- but definitely not least, Ziva.

The way I see it: "Ordinary Matters"...




I live a life of disorganized clutter. I can't keep things pristinely clean no matter how hard I try. For example, I don't make beds. I always thought this was a waste of time -- and if I'm going to waste time, it's going to be on something more interesting than making a bed only to unmake it later on.

My kitchen is clean (in a way) - all pots, pans, implements, silverware, glasses, plates and other things...are all extremely clean...sanitarily nearly. But, I can't, for the life of me, keep the kitchen table (which we never use to eat at anyway) clear of debris and not in a total state of disarray. When we come home - the keys get plopped on it, the bills get put on it, magazines, the rest of the mail, and all the other stuff in our hands -- get strewn onto it. When I make a recipe from a book or print one out, that gets put on it...and pretty much everything stays until it overflows. Oh, neat little piles will be made eventually...but, let's face it, they are only neat little piles of clutter really.

As all of these objects are totally ordinary...and they all matter; they are in fact, by complete definition, "ordinary matters"...therefore they fit this theme.

Whew! This one's done! :)


(This theme is probably the one I've been interested in the most...just to see what everyone comes up with.)



09 September 2007

The Science of Cleaning

Defusing a bomb, neurosurgery, and keeping my house clean. What do these seemingly uncommon things have in common? They are all things I simply cannot do.

Oh, sure, you might say, "Well, not many people can do the first two...but, c'mon, the third, who can't do that??" I'll tell you who: ME! No, seriously, I have tried and tried. Now, granted, I have two kids and lots of cats - but I stay up pretty much all night and no little elves scurry about at 2:00 a.m. and wreck the place. No poltergeist manifestations, either...so I can't place blame on anyone but ourselves.

How does it get into this state - that's what I want to know. I clean all the time - I don't come in and drop things down on a whim...but still it stays cluttered. Even if you took a scientific approach to try to solve this dilemma, say, Newton's Third Law of Motion (and trust me, something's moving this stuff around)...which states "for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction". Well, once again there's some strange vortex, black hole, or anti-matter phenomenon taking place in my house because we are definitely an anomaly in the world of science. I just can't explain it...I doubt even Einstein, Newton, Planck, or even Fritz Zwicky could either...altho Zwicky did have the most plausible explanation for it all: dark matter at work...because in my own little "home galaxy", far more matter exists here than previously thought. And those neutrinos they can't ever find? I bet I've got some here...bet I have a whole darn box of them lying around...and a few stray ones right here on the table getting batted off periodically by the cats...the ones I end up stepping on and then jumping up...thinking it's what's left over from some dragged in mole.

Someone, probably high up in the physics realm, needs to crack the code here to let me know how it is possible for an area to get more messy/cluttered when more things are put away than taken out on a given day. So, if one person out there actually exists who knows what phenomenon causes this, or better yet, can actually show me how it can be accomplished so it doesn't come back two and four-fold the very next day...you are more than welcome to come here and attempt to prove my theory wrong and yours right. Just pick a day...only make it later in the afternoon as I'm always "on duty" at night ensuring no wood sprites are retaliating for all those trees we cut down years ago when we first moved here...just in case.

So, drop on by...you'll easily recognize me - I'll be the awake one banging away on the laptop perusing the "help wanted" adverts trying (for what seems) ceaselessly to procure a job...as that's another thing I apparently cannot do.